For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?

[Ubertasha2]

Hi, trying to settle an argument here:

One friend (30s) says she only 'fancies' blokes from same race as hers (white). This is her personal preference, she says she can't change how she feels and is NOT a racist. She is not a malicious person at all and is actually not an outspoken person on topics of race, religion and politics (unlike other friends of mine!).

Friend 2 says you can't only express this but you can't think it as "you are almost certainly a racist"' (if you feel like this).

Friend 3 feels that friend 3 mightn't be a racist and can feel that way, but MUST NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION THIS TO ANYONE etc etc in case it offends.

I kind of agree with friend 3, as I feel that you like what you like. Maybe it's a bit narrow minded to say "right, that's it, I know what I like and I'm not budging" etc etc, but as long as she doesn't share this preference with others (where she could obviously pointlessly offend someone and be labelled a racist etc etc), she's keeping a private opinion to herself, surely?

Just wanted an opinion as v uncomfortable discussion!

Dont think preference for who we fancy is racist Op, let your friends know. Who you have as friends may not be who you sleep with, sexual preference is in its own category.
I love men the opposite of me so hard features as im all soft featured and tall and thin or tall and chunky as im mid height and curvy, so basically as long as they dont look like im related to them in any way, its a go.
They just have to have strong features, nice eyes and be tall. And if im honest be like a male model but hey i can dream.

I find certain accents attractive. For example ( I'm Irish btw) I love Northern Ireland and Scottish accents, can't imagine dating someone with a strong Dublin accent and go a bit weak at the knees with a French accent. I would however employ or befriend a Dubliner, no problem!

I think it's fine to have a type' you're generally attracted to.
For instance, as I often state on these threads, mine is Dave Grohl 15 years ago.
However, I see and hear someone like Idris Elba and come over a bit giddy.
Also married someone with not one thing in common with Mr Grohl other than they both have a head.
It's about recognising that there may be exceptions to your rule, if you cannot do that, I would think you may be treading near the lines of 'ist'

I do think it's a little odd. I mean white people are what, 10-15% (ish) of the world population. And those are the only people she fancies. Not Idris Elba or Aamir Khan or Jet Li or Jessie Williams. The 80%+ of the world's population who aren't white are fantastically diverse and the idea is that she finds not one of them attractive does seem a little weird.

That said, women are too often told what they should be doing sexually so it is absolutely her right.

I do think it's a little odd. I mean white people are what, 10-15% (ish) of the world population. And those are the only people she fancies. Not Idris Elba or Aamir Khan or Jet Li or Jessie Williams. The 80%+ of the world's population who aren't white are fantastically diverse and the idea is that she finds not one of them attractive does seem a little weird.

That said, women are too often told what they should be doing sexually so it is absolutely her right.

I've never shagged a black person. Given my 'number' and the general demographic of my adult environment, that is way below representative.

I don't think I'm biased though. My 15 year strong, number one celeb über-crush is black. I'd jump on him before he saw me move.

Pondering, my type appears to be white, slightly overweight, balding/buzzed, hairy-bodied and hairy-faced men with strong accents. I once had a LTR with a tall lanky blonde from Bucks but that didn't stay the distance.

You can fancy who you like. Friend 2 is an idiot and doesn't understand the term racist.

Adding to my 'type' list is tall - never been below 5'10''

I often have disturbing dreams about delightful Indian/Pakistani men but now wondering if that's some kind of colonialist hankering

But that fella from Four Lions - Riz Ahmed - well, he's lovely.

I think it's fair enough to say you have a type but it's racist to say you're not attracted to a certain race... Not to mention really superficial. Unless you get to know someone personally how do you know you're not attracted to them, just based on their skin colour and previous lack of attraction to other people with that skin colour? It's not intentionally racist, it's a subconscious thing, but it is still racist.

Imagine you and your children are living in a country where you're in an ethnic minority and no-on fancies you because of your race. It's not okay - people should broaden their hearts and minds.

I know I'm attracted to men who are taller than me, with dark hair and dark eyes. Long hair is a bonus. It's mostly been white men of this type I've fancied, but there are one or two men of other races I thought I might have dated, if it were not for DP (who I've been with for nearly 30 years).

I think, though, that my preference seems to settle on men of a mediterranean appearance, so Italian/Greek looking. Not ruling anyone out, should anything happen to DP (who, incidentally, is blue eyed and was a dark blond, before the grey )

Who you are attracted to is a very personal thing and you can't choose to find someone attractive if, to you, they're not. I think that goes for lots of differences such as height, weight, certain features, colour etc. Some things are also dependent on their significance to you I think - I am instantly repelled by any man who has any features that remind me of my ex. You feel as you feel. Doesn't mean you're racist or heightist or whateverist. Like others have said, if your friend doesn't fancy someone because she believes them to be in some way inferior to someone of her own colour, then that's racist for sure.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Zafar_Younis
(Spooks past series)

images.flickdirect.com/entertainment-news/4809.jpg
(Mr Robot)

urbangracemagazine.files.wordpress.com/2015/09/idris_elba.jpg
( Even makes beards look acceptable...)

i.dailymail.co.uk/i/pix/2013/10/31/article-0-026085F00000044D-249_306x423.jpg

I only like older men (40s-50s), am I ageist? I've been that way since I was a little girl, I never found any other age group attractive. It's hardwired into me and I can't change it. I also don't find visible muscles on men attractive, and prefer an interesting accent.

People like what they like, it doesn't make you any "ist" if you simply don't find a group attractive.

Most of the men in my life have been white leaning towards looking a bit emaciated and a Fijian, Indian and a Persian. Never had sex with a woman, nor a black man but if I was currently in the market for a toy boy I would go for D.B. Woodside www.imdb.com/name/nm0940851/ who I discovered whilst watching Lucifer on Amazon Prime who has an incredible smile.

I don't think friend 1 is racist at all and who knows who she may meet in the future.

I have never found a black man physically, sexually attractive - not Joe Blogs not Will Smith not one. I know with certainty I am not racist.
I think your friend is honest to say how she feels and agree that it's a touchy subject to discuss outside friendship circles.
I once mentioned my lack of attraction to black men to an Asian male friend and he reacted negatively to my comment, feeling that it was a derogatory thing to say.

Human attraction is not a conscious and therefore moral decision, it's a very biologically driven thing (and perhaps psychologically to an extent, some early experience helps "set" a preference.) I have a thing for tall, Scandinavian men which started when I dated a gorgeous tall Norwegian in University. I always told my friends that if I ever decided to have a child alone, then I'm on the next flight to a fertility centre in Denmark. Luckily I met my tall blonde bearded DH, son of Finnish parents :) I have never met a black man that I felt any attraction to, which is not to say I might never but I would say they aren't my type. My friend who adores Spanish men cannot understand my attraction to Blonde "viking" types. It takes all sorts and to think that not being attracted to people from a different race is "racist" itself is ridiculous. However...

Is there any chance that your friend communicated this sentiment in an unfortunate way? I can see it sounding bad if she used the phrase "I wouldn't date anyone from another race" rather than saying 'I'm only attracted to white men" because the first statement is negative and could be interpreted to be a judgement, as though interracial dating is a bad thing rather than expressing a personal preference iyswim.

"" but it's racist to say you're not attracted""

No it isn't, it's racist to say that you wouldn't have sec with a black man because "because black people are inferior".

Your sex life is your choice not an equal opportunities exercise.

I don't like blond, beards, thin (never been with a man under 13 stone), long hair, effeminate, African, Chinese, Pakistan men. If he had a brummie accent, I couldn't fancy him, this was put to the test in recent visits to/surrounding areas of Birmingham.

I don't think that anyone in those categories are lesser people than someone I'd happily shag.

Well she is a racist on the basis that she has not met every person from every race in the world.

I have dated red heads, bald, grey, brunette/brown hair, fat, thin, tall, short, hairy, bearded, smooth, Asian, black, white, mixed race. Basically anyone I fancied!

I like kind, reliable, witty men, who like lots of sex...

Sexual attraction is about physical characteristics that you find attractive is it not?
People of different races have physical characteristics unique to their race....just because someone isn't sexually attracted to another someone because they possess those unique characteristics does not make them a racist.

I'm attracted to redheads. I once saw a back, possibly mixed race man with red hair, green eyes and freckles. He was possibly the most beautiful person I have ever laid eyes on.

I have dated men of other ethnicities casually. Unfortunately I've broken off those relationships because my older parents can be racist and make dismayed comments about not wanting 'half-caste' grandchildren. They think they're not racist and say they're just joking because they're not saying my boyfriends are bad people, but suggesting that mixed race children would be shameful is incredibly racist and it pisses me off that they don't see that. Again, some of the most physically attractive people I know are mixed race (various races).

So because I don't want to expose any future partners to racism that they shouldn't have to encounter, I stick to white men, which is really sad when I think about it. At least preferring redheads works with that approach.

Like others have said, if she prefers a certain characteristic which is unlikely in people of other ethnicities then that is OK. If she just doesn't like ethnically diverse people because they're different and see perceives that to be disadvantageous then that's a problem.

I've never fancied a black guy or a blonde haired guy.

I like tall, slightly lanky looking, dark floppy haired guys with sallow skin and green or blues eyes.

She's not racist.

Ginger people seem to be a bit thin on the ground round here.

Can't remember the last time I saw a ginger person locally.

I did have a 'thing' with one ginger guy. He looked like a redhead version of Kelly Jones from Stereophonics and had waist length ginger dreads.

He was a god.

Sorry, correction.

Due to a recent sex filled dream I would allow Barack Obama into my Renton on a cold night