For someone to say that they only find blokes from their own race attractive?

[Ubertasha2]

Hi, trying to settle an argument here:

One friend (30s) says she only 'fancies' blokes from same race as hers (white). This is her personal preference, she says she can't change how she feels and is NOT a racist. She is not a malicious person at all and is actually not an outspoken person on topics of race, religion and politics (unlike other friends of mine!).

Friend 2 says you can't only express this but you can't think it as "you are almost certainly a racist"' (if you feel like this).

Friend 3 feels that friend 3 mightn't be a racist and can feel that way, but MUST NEVER UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES MENTION THIS TO ANYONE etc etc in case it offends.

I kind of agree with friend 3, as I feel that you like what you like. Maybe it's a bit narrow minded to say "right, that's it, I know what I like and I'm not budging" etc etc, but as long as she doesn't share this preference with others (where she could obviously pointlessly offend someone and be labelled a racist etc etc), she's keeping a private opinion to herself, surely?

Just wanted an opinion as v uncomfortable discussion!

It's not necessarily racism but it may be a type of cognitive bias. We all unconsciously tend to be biased towards "people like us". How you define "people like us" varies from person to person of course but it does explain why quite often people's friendship circles contain
mostly people of the same age, social group, educational level etc.

She can fancy who she likes of course but I'd agree with your third friend that it means unnecessary to mention it and opens your first friend to accusations of racism.

Apologies for the rogue "races" earlier.
Human races don't exist. :) I try to avoid it, but it's too commonly in use that it can just come out.

I totally agree with friend 1 and would not consider myself racist.

KingJoffery, I prefer men with a shaved head. Watching a man fiddle with his hair makes me feel ill.

I believe that there is what one is "naturally" attracted to or not attracted to. But I think it is also possible for someone to close themselves off from a demographic due to prejudices against that group putting them off.

So my answer to whether it is racist or not is, it depends.

Or maybe what I am suggesting is not even possible? I suppose I am thinking of the female who is "naturally" bisexual but has so much prejudice and misandry re men this puts her off them? That would be a different kettle of fish than a female who is "naturally" a lesbian who steers clear of men as lovers/partners.

I can't say I've ever been attracted to a black man or an Asian man.

I met a lovely black man at the weekend at a party. We got as far as kissing and it didn't go any further. I just didn't feel "it" whatever "it" is.

Also not helped by him telling me black men don't go down on women . Which was the first I'd heard of it!

Of course it's not racist. Are lesbians sexist?

I don't find the majority black men attractive.

That doesn't make me racist.

qz.com/149342/the-uncomfortable-racial-preferences-revealed-by-online-dating/

Most people have preferences

As a black woman I don't think that's racist at all. She has her preference and that's fine. She isn't putting anyone down or saying all black men are this or that. I always said I'd never date a white man because I don't find them attractive personally and for political reasons too. Then I met my lovely white husband and his family who have accepted me and my African sons with open arms. Never say never

I know a lot of black women women who tell me that they don't find white men attractive.

"SecretWitch

KingJoffery, I prefer men with a shaved head. Watching a man fiddle with his hair makes me feel ill."

Fiddling with beards is even worse. I hate all beards. Bar none.
I am white but I am very attracted to President Obama. Sigh

I feel a bit uncomfortable with this thread truth be known, although I take on board the different points.

It's quite unpleasant to hear people reduced to 'things' like a Japanese 'girlfriend' to go with the Japanese 'obsession'

Obviously you're attracted to who you're attracted to. But to dismiss entire races of people upfront seems odd.

I can fancy any nice, funny fella.

It's a great skill of mine.

Forgot to say my husband is the only white man I've ever been intimate with ever and I never imagined it would happen!

No it's not racist to have a preference, it's just what we like.

I seem to have hardly any preference at all beyond liking broad shoulders, and nice chests and backs. Any race, any height (boyfriends have been 5"8 to 6"5) any hair colour (I've dated dark haired, blonde and red) I like nice eyes and strong noses... that seems to be the only link between my past loves. Clearly I'm very liberal!

Me too birdy

Kingjoffrey hell no he looks too much like my brother! I think that's the reason I don't fancy blonde blokes it reminds me of my brother too much!

Oooo, I love beards and long hair.

Not keen on clean shaven.

Maybe I'm chinnist?

Racist would be if she said "I could never find a man outside of my own race, attractive" - thus ruling out any chance of it, based on their race/colour.

Not racist would be if she said, "I have never found a man outside of my own race attractive" - thus simply stating a fact.

Everyone is different otherwise we'd all be fighting over the same few people. Nothing to do with being racist.
I don't like pretty men. I prefer them a bit uglyish with dark hair, tattoos, scars, big/odd features.
Think Figo the Portuguese footballer or Omar Little from The Wire also Bruce Dickinson from Iron Maiden. Different looking but all adorable to me

My friend called me racist for never having shagged a black man. It's (thankfully) different now but back in the 80s there were very few people who weren't white where I live.

My secondary school had 400 pupils in my year and not one person who wasn't white. There was a black boy the year above me, a half Chinese boy the year below me (we're still friends) and an Indian boy in 6th year. There were also two Asian girls in the years in between. That was it in circa 2000 pupils.

The black/Asian men I fancy are famous therefore not attainable...even more so now I'm married

king my DH has a beard but short hair, only 50% good enough for you??

I would say I have only ever been attracted to men within my race, but I would never say I am only attracted to white men. You never know who you might meet and fall in love with. It's not like I thought wow what gorgeous skin when I fell for the guys I have been with.

Well I'm a white women with a thing for mixed race Asian/Caucasian men. However my attraction to these types of men is because of the characteristics they have. Should someone from another race/mix have the same type of thing going on I would be equally attracted to them. I'd never discount an entire race on stereotypical looks.

Having a preference for type is one thing.
Writing off an entire race as not being your type is a different thing altogether.