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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

174 replies

Itsacakebaby · 28/12/2016 23:01

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

OP posts:
Snowflake65 · 28/12/2016 23:04

Totally NBU I hate dropper-inners

Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine · 28/12/2016 23:05

Nope, YANBU. It's downright fucking rude.

OpalTree · 28/12/2016 23:05

Yanbu

goingmadinthecountry · 28/12/2016 23:07

I have no issue if people expect no more than a quick coffee. Happens quite a lot around here. Can't imagine having my life scheduled to such an extent that I couldn't welcome a surprise visitor. Not if they expect to stay all day though!!

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2016 23:08

I love dropperinners. But Mumsnet has, by definition, a higher %age of anti social people than the norm. So you will get lots of people agreeing with you.

Krampus · 28/12/2016 23:08

It depends on how often it is and if they go if they see you are busy.

ICantThinkOfAUsernameH · 28/12/2016 23:09

YANBU, my family do this regularly even though I've said and they still continue to do it. I'd never do it myself.
I have a chronic illness and some days my place isn't clean and tidy and feel embarrassed then of people seeing it. also full of clutter.

Badhairday1001 · 28/12/2016 23:10

This definitely falls into two camps. Your either fine with it or can't stand it, there's no real middle ground. I don't like it because I like it tidy when people come and 95% of the time it's not.

PastysPrincess · 28/12/2016 23:10

I don't mind mind people who just drop by...if I have plans I just say "I have plans so it will have to be a quick visit."

Theweasleytwins · 28/12/2016 23:15

Mil phoned earlier when she was 5 minutes away, a surprise visit but very welcome as she always helps out when she comes over and doesn't expect to be waited on. I'm always happy when family visit so they can look after my DT while I have a quiet shower😁
On the other side DH thinks it would be okay to drop in to my grandparents 2 1/2 hours away for a night with no notice. That is not okay, they'd be upset they didn't get food in that we like (because they are lovely) or make up the spare room

Princesspink999 · 28/12/2016 23:15

I hate dropperinners but that's because I'm always rushing and never have time to stop for coffee which makes me feel rude. And also the house is a constant tip!!!

ScarletForYa · 28/12/2016 23:16

Very rude. I mind. Yanbu.

pipsqueak25 · 28/12/2016 23:17

when i said i hated visitors on a thread i was flamed for it, but it is good to see that i'm not the only anti social cow i am made out to be Grin

AmeliaJack · 28/12/2016 23:18

I have a varying rules about this.

Neighbours who are genuinely popping in for ten minutes/very quick coffee are fine and welcome.

Anyone who had to get in a car/travel significant distance should have the curtesy to let me know they are coming. Those kind of visitors usual expect biscuits with their coffee and possibly a meal. They also tend to be annoyed if you aren't in/are going out/are already hosting guests. In their case advanced notice is required and expected.

Ohdearducks · 28/12/2016 23:19

I hate it but that's because I'm a messy cow and don't want people to see my slovenly hole. If my house was pristine all the time I'd love droppers in.

eatingtomuch · 28/12/2016 23:19

I love people popping in. I have numerous friends who'll pop in for a quick chat and a coffee. Sometimes it is just for 20mins other times it can be for hours.
I love an excuse to stop have a coffee and share cake or biscuits.
There are not many days when someone doesn't pop into our house.
I am single and a lot of my married friends use me as an escape I think (it doesn't bother me). I have a good enough relationship with them all to be able to say it's not a good time and no offence would be taken. I have done this on occasion.

SleepEatPlayWork · 28/12/2016 23:21

I don't mind dropper inners however I do mind my PIL dropping in and saying we've come now as it's lunch/dinner time so we knew you'd be in. Yes I am in and eating my lunch/dinner which will now go cold as I cooked for 3 not 5 and there's not enough for you!! My own DM is well aware of this and now wouldn't dream of popping round unannounced even though I wouldn't mind her doing it as she frequently sees my house how it really is!!

eatingtomuch · 28/12/2016 23:21

I would be upset if friends didn't think they were welcome

StripyHorse · 28/12/2016 23:24

I don't mind as long as they are close enough friends / family for me to not feel terrible if the place is a mess ( especially at this time of year). I do prefer a bit of notice though.

I do hate it when MIL pops by unannounced then let's herself in before I can get to the door!!!! She has a key for when she does the school run.... although not once had she used it to bring the DCs back here when I am not in, or to let herself in when she is expected (which I wouldn't mind).

BackforGood · 28/12/2016 23:24

What Bertrand said.
This thread comes up every couple of weeks it seems on MN, and, because there are a much higher % of antisocial people on MN than there are in the population as a whole, you get a fairly even split.
Personally, I love it when people just pop in. How lovely they thought of us when in the area and would like to see us.

If they are the same people you can tell them you don't like it and ask them not to do it, but don't expect them to understand, even if they stop visiting you.

OhTheRoses · 28/12/2016 23:27

I like it. The DC's friends are always dropping in. Always have beers, pizza, in freezer. Our friends/neighbours are welcome too.

GhostOfChristmasYetToCome · 28/12/2016 23:39

I don't answer the door or the phone if I'm not expecting anyone. I don't entertain "the pop in" under any circumstances.

bellie710 · 28/12/2016 23:40

People are welcome in my house anytime, if I need to go somewhere I always say I need to go at ... but they either wait in the house or come back later, I used to live in London and people were always booking days weeks in advance just to meet for coffee! Thankfully we are now in the country and people are much more relaxed

hairymairyfromthedairy · 28/12/2016 23:43

Depends who it is!

pictish · 28/12/2016 23:44

Unsociable - people here are unsociable. They are not anti-social. That means something quite different.

I'm the same as one or two others...I hate it because my house is often a bit of a tip. I like to have some notice.