AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

[Itsacakebaby]

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

[LittleMermaidRose]

A friend dropped by with her son a few weeks ago unannounced. I was in the middle of doing laundry so there was underwear hanging up everywhere, dishes were piled up because I had baked earlier that morning, & I had a huge pile of clothes on the couch which I was about to be ironed.
Team that with the fact that my hair was a bird's nest & I was wearing my pj bottoms..

Needless to say I wasn't expecting guests! I let them in because I didn't want to be rude, but I do think it's unfair when people drop by & just expect you to be free.

[BIgBagofJelly]

YANBU can't stand unannounced visitors, I'm also curious whether people generally keep their houses immaculate. I always assumed everyone had a tidy when they know guests are coming - are most of you in a constant state of readiness?

[RubbishMantra]

YANBU. It's your space. I wouldn't dream of just randomly stopping by, even if the person had said it was OK. I'd phone and check it was convenient for them.

DH and I had just moved in together, spending the Sunday in bed. First a phone call from SIL asking what number was our house. (They worked together, and the previous day had ordered him to come in for a meeting on a day off.) He gave her house number, assuming it was an urgent work related matter. Seconds later, she knocks on the door, accompanied by half a dozen randoms, pissed and giggling, demanding to see our house.

Instead of SIL apologising to DH at work on Monday morning, he got a tirade of abuse, because she'd knocked on all the neighbours' doors, (therefore interrupting their Sunday), and she was fuming DH hadn't told them about her business venture.

[YelloDraw]

Personally, I love it when people just pop in. How lovely they thought of us when in the area and would like to see us.

Same.

It's a nice excuse for a cup of tea and a quick chat.

So many people on MN saying they are too busy for a cup of tea... whilst posting on MN ;-)

[BackforGood]

YANBU can't stand unannounced visitors, I'm also curious whether people generally keep their houses immaculate. I always assumed everyone had a tidy when they know guests are coming - are most of you in a constant state of readiness?

No, but that is the total beauty of an unannounced visit - they take you as they find you - you may be gardening or decorating or baking or washing up or slobbing in your PJs or (as I posted upthread) sorting bags of stuff to get rid of) - but that's the point... people who pop in take you as they find you some even join in and help you out . they are what proper friends are - people who come to see you, not inspect your housekeeping / hostess skills. When someone tells you they are coming over, hat is when there is an expectation you will have "readied" the house for them. I'd much rather people just popped in without notice, so there is no expectation I've run round with the vacuum or baked a cake before they arrived.

[LockedOutOfMN]

At this time of year, delighted. They get a cup of coffee (mulled wine if we have some going in the early evening) or hot milk for the kids, and some chit chat. If they want to stay longer, they'll get badgered into a board game by the children and if they can endure that it will probably be a meal time so they can share whatever we're having. People tend just to pop in for a half hour hi, though. And nowadays most of the time they will send a whatsapp to test the water before they arrive. We live really close to the town centre and shops so it's easy for people to pop in if they want to say hello.

At busier times of the year (i.e. not school holidays), it can be a bit harder to accommodate pop-ins, but I think it's the same for everyone as a pop-in is really rare outside of Christmas and summer holiday times.

[HarrietFearlessCat]

I agree with Prawn. I'm an introvert too but wish people (I mean local people) would pop round unannounced. I get so fed up with having to schedule everything as everyone else is always so busy. It makes me feel inadequate and I feel like giving up sometimes.

[Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine]

No, but that is the total beauty of an unannounced visit - they take you as they find you

The assumption that people are happy to be 'taken as they're found' is exactly why it's bloody rude. The visiting party may have no issue with the fact you're in your pjs and the house is a tip, but the host might well do....just as this thread seems to highlight. It's the height of bad manners.

[LookMoreCloselier]

Backforgood - I hear what you are saying, and if I was doing something productive like gardening or baking it would be fine but taking me as you find me might involve for example me being a slob ignoring dirty dishes still on the worktop/other general mess which would embarrass me, I might be braless which I want nobody to see, we might be having a bonk, I could be working from home, there are loads of things I want to do in my own home and not be dropped in on. We can ignore the bell and hide (which can be obvious if car is there, lights are on, kids are noisy etc) but why should we have to when a bit of notice to come into our private space could be given. I am generally a sociable person, but I am also an introvert so I need to get my head in the right space and hate being thrown into that, it makes me anxious.

[Baylisiana]

One thing I found about moving away from where I grew up is that it is sad. It to have neighbours or friends drop by. That kind of casual friendship that does not have to be booked and scheduled, and is totally relaxed, is really valuable. They don't mind if you are having tea or in your dressing gown. I agree that people coming from afar for a more formal visit is not an good idea without warning.

I think that sense of community with your neighbours has been a bit lost. Where I am now I don't really know the neighbours and since I am usually in my 'comfies' I can be a bit panic stricken if I think someone is dropping by. However, I think I should either get properly dressed or get over it because I would like them to drop by.

[bonbonours]

Not quite the same but my inlaws have a habit of saying they will come over on a particular day but not saying what time and then turning up just when I'm serving up a meal. They don't expect to be given food, but it's just awkward to eat your meal while chatting to someone who is not eating. They are just disorganised and have no time management, but it is irritating. If they said they were coming at that time I would make sure I fed the kids beforehand.

[PickledCauliflower]

I cannot stand people arriving unannounced. Not even a text message or quick call beforehand.
I work shifts, so frequently in bed or just getting up when people call (and I'm geeing ready to go to work).
Annoying!

[Agerbilatemycardigan]

Totally depends on the visitor. A quick chat and a cup of coffee is fine, but if they expect to be entertained and can't take a hint that you're too busy, then YANBU.

[SaucyJack]

" but that's the point... people who pop in take you as they find you some even join in and help you out . they are what proper friends are - people who come to see you, not inspect your housekeeping / hostess skills."

LOL (!)

If only.

[Janey50]

I really don't like unannounced visitors. My ex SIL was prone to doing this. I wouldn't have minded too much BUT 1) She invariably had her 3 badly behaved sons with her who would then proceed to trash the place. 2) She had a habit of turning up at awkward or very antisocial times,like minutes after I had walked in from doing a late shift at work,at 11 at night and absolutely knackered and starving. Or when I was recovering from a 2 day d and v bug,and was resting in bed,feeling wiped out. It got to the point where I wouldn't answer the door if I saw them coming. Thankfully,we live in a second floor flat,so she was unable to sneak around peering in windows,checking if we were in,which she totally would have done,given the chance! I once witnessed her letting herself in a neighbour's house when she had left her keys in the front door lock! I was like

[CommunionHelp]

Nope. Can't stand it. I would always be polite and welcoming, but I would hate it. Happily, it barely ever happens. I think most people would have the sense to make an arrangement, wouldn't they?

That's pretty normal in my world. I'd expect it to be different in a rural area though.

[3BusyBabies]

YANBU!!!!
I hate, hate, hate it

[Sybys]

We live in an apartment and are good friends with our neighbors. Our front doors are less than 2 meters apart, but we always send a message to see if they're available rather than knocking. I'm grateful that they extend us the same courtesy.

[LellyMcKelly]

Hate it. I love having people over but I hate not being prepared/in the mood for visitors. I have a full time job and 2 kids who do different clubs in the evening. To be honest I'm rarely at home and when I am I'm knackered and not inclined to be social spontaneously. I'd never dream of dropping in on anyone without a quick phone call first.

[TwinkleTwinkleLittleBat]

I hate it, but inlaws do it all the time. It's inconsiderate.

They have to travel about 25minutes to get here so, no they're not 'just passing'. A phone call would be appreciated at least.

The bottom line is that it's at a time that is convenient to them and sod whether it is to anyone else. I wonder darkly sometimes too if there isn't just a little bit of pleasure derived in arriving in the middle of me cleaning or sorting out some mountainous task on my day off.

[kittensarecute]

I hate it. Even when it's my brother. I'm very shy and hate visitors anyway but when they're unexpected... grrr!!!

[Crumbs1]

It's nice that people want to see you. If it's a friend or family then they are not looking at the ironing pile but want a cup,of tea and chat.

[MummyTheGregor]

I effing hate it!
I have family that do this, Auntie and Cousins, and it makes me really anxious.....
I don't mind if I get a call beforehand to say 'are you in? can we bob in?' but completely unannounced is just rude.....

[eddielizzard]

wow LoupGarou i need to move to where you are!!

i love it when non-judgemental friends drop by who never outstay their welcome.

i hate it when my sil texts to say can she pop in, and then doesn't check her phone, just comes over and wants lots of tea and and likest the sound of her own voice far too much

[Antsinpants]

Hate it, although my house is rarely in a state of readiness - visitors or not! My parents usually text, but will sometimes just rock up. They even let themselves in the other day! We were all in bed (11.30 am).