AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

[Itsacakebaby]

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

[dowhatnow]

I'm generally ok but would expect a call if they are making an effort to get here, rather than just passing.

[GreenShadow]

Just be glad that you have people who want to do this.
I often wish we had people who would just drop by. We have no relations living locally, and few friends who are close enough to do this.

[GabsAlot]

no and i have to make it clear as i suffer from anxiety i have to kinow when and what time and even then im not great

my fil turned up one year near xmas a a surprise -i just burst out crying-his dd told him to text first and he said no it will be nice!

he stayed but i was annoyed even though my dh though i was overreacting

[ohtheholidays]

I used to like it and I'd have friends and family dropping in nearly every day and the DC loved it as well.

I used to regularly go from cooking dinner for 3 to cooking for 7 or more.

But now I'm older and ill and disabled I can't stand people just dropping in,my BF of over 30 years is one of the worst one's for doing it and she knows better than anyone else that comes to our house just how bad my health is.

[asstnitoma]

I love that people feel comfortable enough to come to my house without an appointment. There's always one house in a family that everyone piles round, mine is that house! Same with all of my friends too. Everyone knows I love a housefull!

[Nanna50]

I love droppers in, they take me as they find me, if they don't want to chance seeing me in my pj's or unwashed then they may need to give notice If I am dtd or otherwise engaged I just don't answer the door.
I wonder if this is a generational thing and younger people prefer notice, as many use social media for contacting and chat rather than tea and cake.
My grandmother used to put her coat on to answer the door and depending who was calling she would say she had just come in or was just going out

[Ghodavies]

Don't like it at all but I am anti social!!

[Thattimeofyearagain]

I do mind a bit- I have medication that leaves me a bit " spaced out" for about an hour after I take it so would rather know when visitors are coming.

[BigGrannyPants]

Realistically how often does this happen? I don't mind people dropping in and as others have said if it's not convenient or you are going out then you just say so. If you're dropping in on someone you have to accept they might not be in or might be busy. However is this was happening daily (with different people) I might feel differently about it, but usually it's not that often. As long as people are happy to take me as they find me

[InvisibleKittenAttack]

I don't like being popped in on without warning/chance to say 'this time doesn't work for me'.

I don't mind as much the ones who call in as they are passing anyway, but I do get pissed off with people who have set out with the intention of going to your house, but don't bother to check if it's a good time first - as if they have decided this is the perfect time for them to see you (not just looking in on their way past), but don't care if it's not the perfect time for you to see them. They've decided this is the moment for you two to catch up and you don't get a say in it.

Of course if someone has come out to see you, it is harder to turn them away, than if someone has clearly just knocked as they were walking past anyway on their way to/from something else. If someone sends you a text/calls you before they set off, then it is much easier to say "actually this time doesn't work, I'll be free later on/tomorrow...", by just not contacting you first, they are basically saying they don't believe anything else you can have to do is as important as seeing them. It's terribly arrogant attitude to take.

[Giddyaunt18]

Family is ok if they are passing. They'll get a cup of tea and biscuit. I prefer a bit of warning though. My dad has a habit of popping in at 9.30 on a Saturday because he's been up hours and I always feel slovenly in my dressing gown but it's the weekend for god's sake!

[BigGrannyPants]

thattimeofyearagain I think that's different and people should understand you might not be well enough to have guests sometimes. No one should take issue with you asking them to make prior arrangements

[gotthemoononastick]

My many' droppers inners' know where the back door key is .They all end up with a' favourite' cup,mug or plate from the dresser full of vintage children's china if they are regulars.Banana loaf always. I love,love anyone at all hours.

My Dd on another continent now,hates this and barely copes when they visit.Her home is lovely, quiet and peaceful and minimalist.I wistfully scan the street for passers by when I visit.

[GameofPhones]

Wordsmith, three 'friends' have popped in to my office! Always frantically busy, one I got out by ostensibly giving her a tour of the library - later she said 'but I didn't want to go to the library'. Another later said 'why were you so angry?' I wasn't aware of showing anger, but I sure felt it. I'm surprised to find I had friends, on reflection. What were they thinking?

[Lilianne]

There early isn't a country quite as inhospitable as Britain. 'Yes you may visit if you must, but only at the exactly right time for exactly the right duration on a date in about 3 weeks time' - ah no, thanks, will give that a miss. I'll never get used to it (British but grew up elsewhere) much as I like living here in all other respects. Wish people were more grateful to have friends or family who actually still want to see them, and who couldn't care less about the state of their kitchen as they came to chat/catch up with a person, not their kitchen cupboard.

Obviously different if you're not well, although in many cultures people would still be dropping in briefly with food or treats to check on you. Here if you're single and ill you might not see anyone for weeks.

[dementeddinnerlady]

I don't like people, so I generally don't answer the front door. The people who are liked use the back door as it's always unlocked.

[LowDudgeon]

pictish
'Unsociable - people here are unsociable. They are not anti-social. That means something quite different.'

Good lord! I've been using the wrong word for years

Thanks, pictish!

[Keremy]

I hate it. I have told this story on MN before but years ago a friend of my ds's Mum dropped by with her ds.

Ds was thrilled his friend was round to play so felt guilted into letting them in. We were shit poor. We literally had nothing in but when she asked if her ds could stay while she nipped to the dentist I agreed. I made the kids sandwiches with what little we had. Only when she came back she stayed, and stayed until 8pm when I finally plucked the courage to ask her to leave. She then made a huge deal about going to Mcdonalds because she was starving.

[Megs4x3]

How times have changed. It's not THAT long ago that dropping in unexpectedly was the only option, unless you wanted to write a letter and wait a week for a reply of course.

No phones and no texts or email meant that making arrangements had a whole different meaning. I get the 'it's not tidy' thing, but people are so fussy these days and want everything to be picture perfect, otherwise known as 'creating a false impression'.

To my mind, turning up unannounced isn't rude, but not being prepared to take 'it's not convenient for an answer clearly is. I once walked 5 1/2 miles with a toddler and a newborn to visit my mother who coolly announced that she 'wasn't at home'. I thought THAT was rude and delusions of grandeur on her part.

[Tiffyx]

My house is often in need of a quick tidy and a hoover when guests message to say they are coming..sends me in a panic, and that's when I get half hour notice! I probably wouldn't even answer the door if people just turned up! When people visit I'd rather be ready and have the house (and kids..and myself) presentable lol.
My house isn't dirty or properly messy, but it's never nice when people turn up and you've got toys scattered about and dishes half done!

[Mumzypopz]

My SIL used to ring to announce she was coming to deliver Easter eggs on the Easter bank holiday....I say announce because she would ring and literally say "oh, your in, great, I will be round in ten minutes" and put the phone down, so no chance to say sorry, we had planned to go out. One time she did it we were literally getting in the car and heard the phone so ran back in. Then she would stay for three hours, so we couldn't go anywhere on the bank holiday. After she did this a few times, we stopped answering the phone. So ringing to say you are coming isn't always good, unless you ring and ask politely if it would be ok.

[Danielle1503]

I don't think its a fact of people being 'unsociable' that so many of you are saying.. I like to make sure I have milk, sugar, coffee (as I don't drink it) and biscuits in for guests before hand so even if they let me know that morning then I can at least make a dash to the shop for bits and bobs.. mil is one that REALLY peeves me off when she comes.. She always stays till gone midnight and 9 times out of 10 turns up at around half 6/ half 7ish and causes complete caos in terms of bedtime routine with the children etc.. She is nearly ALWAYS here with an ulterior motive, she's ran out of gas, ran out of electric, ran out of cigs bla bla bla.. We have told her countless times that a simple phone call before hand does wonders. She once phoned when she was outside in the pouring rain wondering where we were then gave dh a gob full when he said that we were shopping in town and wouldn't be back for a while it was something along the lines of 'Iv walked so many miles to get to yours...' His reply 'well we HAVE said before about ringing before you set off..'
I love visitors, when Iv got a little time to freshen up, myself and my home 😂

[RedHelenB]

YABU - if you are busy just say so otherwise a bit of epontaneity is good!

[user1469302797]

This drives me mad. PIL always pop in unannounced as they did this morming. Winds me up as yesterday they said they would pop by (I'd spoken to MIL on the phone in the morning and she said they would) so we organised dinner, walk out, jobs around the house etc according to when we thought they'd visit. By three o clock nothing so DH phoned them and they're decided not to bother as they wanted to tidy house up. This to me is rude. So I asked DH whether they'd pop in today instead and they did. No call just stood in drive waving while I'm still in pj's. Just before Xmas day I had driven DS to my parents and DH was at work. They turned up and nobody was in so MIL phoned my mobile asking where I was and got a bit annoyed that I was with my parents. It's about a 25 mile journey from in laws to us so why don't they phone first??? Drove me mad when DS was baby as MIL would get annoyed if he wasn't awake when she rocked up. I just can't see why a quick phone call is too much to ask. We always check with people first to be polite but also to not make a wasted journey.

[aintnothinbutagstring]

I like visitors but like to prepare by having enough food, drinks, tidy, clean bathroom, have a bra on. Popper-inners don't allow me to be a good hostess therefore I don't like them.