AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

[Itsacakebaby]

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

[triskellionoflegs]

I try not to mind (I guess its a sort of compliment that people felt like popping in), but it can be awkward in practical terms - I used to work from home a lot, and you just can't always stop working to welcome people whenever they choose to appear.
I'd always call first, i wouldn't want to feel that i might be inconveniencing someone who didn't feel able to say 'actually, I'm busy and it's not convenient'

[shrunkenhead]

I'm not a fan as would hate to be caught unawares in my pjs etc however I can understand friends calling round if they've not heard from someone recently eg no texts/phone calls have been responded ti and are genuinely concerned.

[Note3]

I don't like it. I think in this modern world of technology being at your finger tips that it is rude and inconsiderate to drop round without a quick phone call to check it's a good time. The reason I say this is I have a close family member who does it all the time and strolls past me into my house even when I have been putting my coat on as they've knocked. They talk at me about a load of shit (because they're bored and literally use me as a time killer) then off they go to harass the next person. I had a newborn and then a young baby and got fed up of the baby being woken by persistent doorbell ringing (because the cars there so I must answer) or I'd have just got then to sleep and be thinking about my first shower in days. As a result I dared to ask them to buzz first. That family member wrote me off for several years and made out I was inconsiderate, rude and selfish. I had to formally apologise to them! It's now got to the stage where I am again pissed off with this repeat performance and am starting to put my foot down so I'm sure before long I'll be written off again!

If people are dropping by for a quick visit and are sensitive to signals that it's really not a good time then I truly don't mind surprise visits and if the house is a mess...well truthfully I don't care in the grand scheme.

Think mainly my relaxation around surprise visitors has been ruined by the family member above and now it makes me tense. I have a complex family anyway so it's like the icing on the cake.

[DailyFail1]

Yabu. Loved ones should be welcomed anytime.

[tierny]

I agree with you OP, I really don't like the 'popping in' or 'calling in' as a certain member of my family calls it. She thinks it's fine to just turn up unnanounced any time she feels like it. I have suggested very tactfully 3 times that she let me know when she's coming, saying its just so that she doesn't have a wasted journey if I'm not in, or in case I'm going out etc etc. She has completely ignored my suggestions of calling/texting first and continued to 'pop in' whenever it suits her - often at mealtimes or early morning, to the point where I have recently told her quite clearly that I don't like the just turning up thing and can she ring or text first. She was horrified, in fact disgusted that I thought she should let me know if she's coming round as she should be able to drop in to see me whenever she wanted !. Well actually no, you can't, and that's it. Partly because she's very judgemental and with 3 kids it isn't always up to her standards of tidiness ! And Partly because I think it's just rude to turn up on someone's doorstep and expect them to have you in and make tea etc.

So no, YANBU - I totally agree

[AmeliaJack]

eating it's not to do with dropper inners being unwelcome. It's more to do with:

A) wanting to be prepared. My house is always presentable but we might not always have cake or biscuits and I'd be embarrassed not to offer hospitality to someone who has travelled a distance.

B) we have busy lives. We just aren't always available at the drop of a hat for a visit. We work long hours, the DC have homework, practice and activities, we all train for sports, in addition to which we entertain friends quite regularly so may already have guests.

In my experience family members who travel to see you are quite put out if the children aren't there, or we are heading out the door or we have a houseful of friends and their children for Sunday lunch.

It takes 10 seconds to call or text to see if it's convenient. I mostly say "yes, how lovely" through gritted teeth but sometimes it genuinely isn't a good time.

[Loaferloveforyou]

I've only just moved out of my parents and would love more people to drop in. Kinda glad they don't as I don't always have a presentable house

The only person to drop in on us was someone who lives an hour away and he called first to check the door number

[LoupGarou]

I hate it, having people turn up at the door when I am not expecting them used to be a very strong ptsd trigger for me and even now it still makes me grit my teeth.
That being said, we live in a tiny and remote community in an arctic region so when someone is at the door there is always a possibility that we have a bear in town and someone is looking for safety, or looking for safety or shelter for another reason. Generally people here are very respectful of each others private space but I often get callers.

When we first moved here, whenever we had callers I used to bring them into the kitchen area where we have some big comfy armchairs set up for the purpose (open plan living space) and I would make cookies as having something to do and focus on distracted me from the stress of the unexpected visitor, plus I love our kitchen and find the views from the windows very calming.
It was a pants strategy though as it seems to have made our house a great spot to stop off at .
When I really am busy, or really do not fancy company I will ask whoever it is to come back another time, and here nobody gets offended.

[Sybys]

Yeah I'm another one that hates it. For one, I'm generally very messy but always make sure the place is spotless if I'm expecting company. Secondly, my job often necessitates me working outside of office hours, including weekends and holidays, so unexpected visitors obviously get in the way of that. Also, this Xmas I was visiting my folks, who I'm only able to see for about one week of the year - they had a couple of unexpected visitors who took up a couple of evenings of what would otherwise have been family time.

Tbh I think it's very entitled behavior.

[Crazycatlady123]

YANBU this is my pet hate! Fortunately it doesn't happen too much just my MIL but I hate being caught unaware, house a mess, in my pj's, getting ready to head out etc. I don't care if you're my own mother or the queen just text/call first! I know nothing is meant by it, but it's a bit inconsiderate, just send a text first to check we're in and that it's not a bad time. Thread has reminded me I need to nip this in the bud before my baby is born.

[lovelearning]

Loved ones should be welcomed anytime.

DailyFail1, oracle.

[Dowser]

Agree, depends who it is.

Family are welcome any time. I've often entertained family while still in bed and not ill.

Anyone else, take us as you find us.
I had paperwork strewn all over last night and we were just eating dinner when a friend and her two young ones and dog arrived.

It was fine.

[RoseGoldHippie]

I hate it but do have exceptions. Mainly people who I don't care if they see my house a mess as these are the same people I could say I'm too busy too and they would understand the hint!

[GhostOfChristmasYetToCome]

Loved ones should be welcomed anytime.

Really? Anytime?

When you're having a nap? On the loo? In the middle of sex? When you're just looking forward to a bit of peace and quiet? Arguing? Dealing with homework issues whilst cooking dinner? About to leave the house?

Anytime?

[annlee3817]

I love it when people just pop by, particularly family members, my DH hates it, so they don't anymore out of respect for him

[Dowser]

Sounds fascinating LOUP. Which country are you in? Scandinavia, Canada, Russia?

Are there any more?

[JennyOnAPlate]

For me it depends how recently I've hoovered and cleaned the bathroom!

I would hate regular drop-ins though, I wouldn't be able to relax waiting for the doorbell to ring all the time. Plus I spend most of the time I'm at home wearing pyjamas and no bra!

[Afreshstartplease]

Hate it

We are a family of 6 with a baby and a three year old. Our house is very full and messy!

[Ibloodyhatethomasthetankengine]

I see a few people saying the anti-socials amongst us would hate it, but I don't get what's anti-social about it? It's just damned bad manners! We love to have people over and most of our weekends are filled with family/friends get togethers, but an unannounced visit is just rude. It's bloody inconsiderate not to think that a person might not be able to, or even just be 'up for' having guests, but 'we'll just drop in anyway and say hello.' The only time this would be okay is if someone turned up on my doorstep in need of a shoulder to cry on, anything else is just bad manners.

[Bluebolt]

I never used to mind but now that everyone I know seems to have a mobile glued to their hands I do not understand why a quick text prior is a problem.

[Charlieiscool]

It's the assumption that I'm sitting around with nothing to do and will be free that irritates me. Visitors are welcome but just check I'm free first so I don't have to stress out changing and cancelling other plans at the last minute. I have a busy day and don't want to drop everything to fit in with what suits you. A quick text is all it takes.

[Wordsmith]

I don't mind it normally at the weekend and early evenings but I work from home and some people seem to think that means I'm always available for a cuppa and a chat. But would you call in at a friend's workplace and expect her to take 30 mins off unannounced?

[Catsize]

My father is dying and people are repeatedly doing this. My mum refuses to put a note on the door as it would look rude. Far better to save face and exhaust my father. I have visited a few times, then Mr Random rocks up within minutes, stays for ages and I leave before they do.
Have to say though, I quite like it when people bob over unannounced to our house, so I don't have a problem with it usually. I think it is inconsiderate in my parents' case though.

[Footinmouthasusual]

If it's my kids then no they are always welcome but other relatives and friends no it's presumptuous

[CigarsofthePharoahs]

Catsize, I know a family in my church dealing with a similar problem. Someone actually did an announcement for them at the end of the service to pretty much beg that people stop just turning up unannounced. It wasn't that they didn't want to see anyone, but they had limited energy and needed quiet time. Some people ignored the announcement and were turned away.

I think that nowadays it is so easy to contact people. There are many ways to send a quick message to check it's a good time and it's rude and lazy not to.
Having said that I suspect some people don't because they know there's a real chance they'll be told "No, it's not a good time now." whereas if they just turn up at the door they can make the person feel obliged to let them in.
I feel quite strongly about this as I have many memories as a child having the days plans disrupted and cancelled due to some randomer just turning up. Pick up the bloody phone!