AIBU to get annoyed when people turn up at the door unannounced (including family)?

[Itsacakebaby]

What are your views on this? You then feel obliged to let them in (interrupting my plans!!). It irritatates me alot. I just think it's damn right rude but my OH says I should "chill out" and be more relaxed about it - easier said then done.

[Thissideof40]

I hate it too especially if the house is a mess.

[TheKitchenWitch]

Neighbours- yes fine, because they might just need to ask or borrow something and you end up asking them in for a coffee.
Anyone who has had to drive to get here - no. Text or call first.

[CaptainDaydream]

YADNBU hate this. I check it's not a delivery (through the peep hole) and regularly on occasion ignore people and pretend I'm not in. No ruder than turning up unannounced imo.

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

I don't like it. I remember a neighbour when we lived in London years ago; she was always saying 'pop in, pop in,' every time I bumped in to her in the street. Not my style, but she was so insistent that one day I knocked, on the way home from somewhere else. Her face was a picture; I was mortified but too slow and gauche to say, 'I can see you're busy, maybe next time,' so went in and made forced small talk while the dcs played. She was very uneasy, and soon jumped up and started making sausages for her dd's tea (at 4pm), so I took the hint and left. Awful, mortifying experience but at least it stopped her fake 'invitations' to 'pop round any time'!

[ShotgunNotDoingThePans]

I have relatives who do this to my DM. She doesn't seem to see anything wrong with it, but one time when we were visiting my DB and SIL had come over to see us (having checked we'd be in etc.). SIL had recently miscarried and these rellies barged in with their daughter and her new baby; quick exit of SIL and bro and I felt really upset for them, and pissed off that I spent several hours of a rare home visit with people I had no desire to see. DM shrugged it off as 'one of those things,' just what families do, but she has form for prioritising extended family over her own flesh and blood so would never tell them it was inconvenient.

[Giddyaunt18]

Has anyone else ever done this?: Someone turns up without warning, you invite them in as you feel it's polite. The house is a mess. You make tea and chat. When they leave you clean and tidy the house from top to bottom as if to erase what they must have thought.

IS IT JUST ME?

[belgina]

I miss people dropping in, like when I was little. I have no visitors, invited or not. Social skills are not my forte :(

[Mouseinahole]

I love droppers in but it doesn't happen often sadly.

[bananafish81]

I'm astonished at the idea of just randomly turning up at someone's house without arranging it (or at least texting to see if you're around) first

I've never had anyone randomly rock up to our front door and wouldn't ever dream of doing that to anyone else, friend or family

I was wondering if it was a London thing, but I'm from Manchester and I can't remember anyone ever doing it when I was growing up.

I think it's rude to call someone on the phone for a chat without texting to see if they're free to talk first - because it's assuming that you're more important than whatever they're doing at that time. My friends and family would always just drop a text to see if the other could talk before calling on the phone. Let alone calling in person!

[user1469302797]

My family is from down south and wouldn't just pop in and DH'S family is from North and always just turn up unannounced. I wandered if it was a regional thing but guess it's just down to personalities and family history. DH'S family all live within a few miles of each other but my family dobt and never have so it makes sense for them to phone first.

[Megs4x3]

Texting to get permission to make a phone call? Good grief! Whatever happened to starting a phone call with 'Hi, it's ***. Have you got time to chat?'.

[Mindtrope]

I hate it, thankfully people know me better and it doesn't happen.

I work from home, and I resent anyone thinking that means I am open for entertaining.

[Mindtrope]

When I was growing up my mother would always have neighbours in chatting all day long. I hated it. When I came in from school there was always some random neighbour in the house, I always felt it an intrusion.

[AlisonJuggler]

I think it's really sad when people live separate lives to their families, friends and neighbours, and only want to see them by appointment. Obviously situations where there are strained relationships are the exception, but other than that why shouldn't people I know see me without makeup on in my less-than-perfect home? They're coming round because they like me and want to spend time with me. How wonderful is that?! Don't get me wrong - I'm an introvert so I like my own space, but I'm always grateful for family and friends who I can be real with. Life's too short to keep people at arm's length. Love deeply, forgive quickly, give generously and share everything with people who love you... including impromptu tea & cake! :)

[irregularegular]

I like it. But nobody ever really drops by here expecting hospitality. More likely someone local dropping something off, picking something up, whatever. Then if the moment's right I'll ask them in and we go from there. If the moment's not right, then I don't! Had some nice catch ups like that.

[Giddyaunt18]

Texting to see if you can phone? What do you think people did before mobile phones? Send smoke signals???

[Bobochic]

I would never drop in on anyone unannounced but I definitely text friends if I'm near their home by chance and have a spare half-hour for a coffee! If they can't manage that's fine too.

[Mindtrope]

alison- not sad at all.

I have a very busy life. If someone drops in then I have to stop what I am doing, then my day gets out of kilter. I am happy to make space to see people when I know I will not be interrupted or have a deadline.

[Mindtrope]

without makeup on in my less-than-perfect home?

It's not to do with that, it's to do with physically having the time. If make an arrangement it will be at a time when I am not about to shoot off to pick up another family member/drop them off/ try to get something cooked etc.
It can be some clear time that means we can chat without interruption.

For those that love casual drop ins you must have very leisurely days.

[Thissideof40]

Bananafish are you for real? What did people do before text came along?? Ridiculous!!

[5foot5]

Those of you who say you love it, can you really not think of any situation where it would be annoying or awkward? What if you already had invited guests who you had prepared and maybe cooked for who then have to budge up for the unexpected? Or you had put aside that couple of hours to blitz some chores because you had plans for later? Or at least 99 other situations I can think of where an unplanned visitor would be something to grin and bear rather than rejoice about.

It happened a lot when I was a child in the 60s and 70s as we didn't have a phone and neither did many of our relatives. There were many occasions when an unexpected uncle and his family would just turn up, strangely just before a mealtime! My Mum always had a well stocked larder so she could figure out how to make the meal that was planned to feed five stretch to eleven. However I think she began to get hacked off when uncle proposed a trip to the pub with Dad and left his wife and four kids for my Mum to entertain until closing time. After this had happened a few times words were said.

OK that is maybe an extreme case but it has left me with this ambivalence to unexpected callers

[bananafish81]

I'm just saying what my friends and family and I do - not saying anyone else should do the same

Before text of course we would just ring someone! But now that we mostly communicate via Whatsapp or messenger, if we need / want to speak on the phone, we just ask if the other is free to chat

It's not a conscious thing I or anyone else has done - but it's obv not just me because all my friends seem to do the same.

I wouldn't put a friend on the spot by ringing out the blue nowadays - if someone were to call me out of the blue I obv wouldn't mind, but I'd probably worry something was wrong if I saw someone calling me unexpectedly!

[BackforGood]

What Alison and Irregular said.
If its not convenient, 5foot5, then you just say that - oh, sorry, we're just going out / just about to eat / I'm working at the mo/ sorry, i was just on way to bed, im not feeling so good/ whatever. As a "popper inner ", you know that happens when you drop by without asking first.

[AlisonJuggler]

Mindtrope - I have a very busy life too (2 jobs, 4 kids and studying for a degree), so people don't often find me at home! Maybe that's why I don't mind it, because it's a fairly rare event.

If I was about to go out/in the middle of something I'd arrange another time to see them, but I can always take 5 minutes out for a quick chat. Time is stretchy (as discussed in a whole bunch of great TED talks!).

[6o6o842]

I very much dislike people just turning up and knocking on the door unexpectedly, and I have been known to not answer the door. If someone is going to drop around without prior arrangement, the least they can do is call ahead and let you know. Even 5 minutes notice in case you're in the shower, not feeling well, need to have a power tidy etc. I would never turn up somewhere completely unannounced, so rude and inconsiderate.