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Original poster

To think my son is an ungrateful brat. I have gone badly wrong

317 replies

Skatingonthinice16 · 28/12/2016 16:25

Ds, aged 7, has always been demanding and hard work in lots of ways. But as he's grown older he's becoming increasingly rude. He was very ungrateful over Christmas presents and basically anything anyone does for him or with him isn't good enough.

My elderly parents took him out for the day today on a special day out. It was expensive for a start off but that isn't why I'm annoyed. I'm annoyed because they took a day out just for him doing something he would enjoy - it wasn't something they particularly would want to do otherwise. He left the house at 9am and they've just dropped him back. As soon as he walked in he picked up his iPad. I asked him to put it down just until my parents had gone and to tell me about his day. To which he went 'yeah yeah blah blah blah, I want my iPad.'
They'd seen a show so I asked him to show me the programme and he said 'shall I tell you some facts about my life? Number one it's sooooo boring.' And then to my parents: 'are you going now so I can play on my iPad?'
He's such an ungrateful little shit. It must be my fault. I've brought him up. I've gone wrong somewhere because he's horrible. I'm so annoyed with him I don't even want to talk to him. This isn't one off behaviour. This is behaviour we see a lot now. He hasn't been allowed his iPad. However it won't stop him behaving like this again. Nothing does.

Any advice??

OP posts:
Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 28/12/2016 16:38

I strongly suspect he's on the spectrum and he is dyspraxic too.

OP posts:
JustSpeakSense · 28/12/2016 16:38

I think the iPad should be taken away from him, until his behaviour and attitude improves.

He sounds very spoilt.

SawdustInMyHair · 28/12/2016 16:38

Is there anything bothering him? I know it sounds bleeding-heart, but often kids will be little shits when they're unhappy.

If not:
Take away the iPad permanently. Explain that you'll get him one when he has learned to be more respectful. I'd have him do things outside his comfort zone - eg having to do chores in return for pocket money or privileges. Have concrete punishments for being rude - things with immediate effect - and stick to them. I'd have him write a letter of thanks/apology to his grandparents for a start, and keep writing it until you're satisfied.

EnthusiasmIsDisturbed · 28/12/2016 16:38

Take the iPad away

ds isn't a difficult child but computer games can be addictive and create behavioural problems

ds is a much easier child and nicer to be around the less time he is in the iPad or playing any other computer games

He gets it at the weekend and that's becoming more limited

YouTheCat · 28/12/2016 16:38

Isn't it usual to ask how your day was when a child (or adult for that matter) comes in from a treat?

What is wrong with a damn good telling off, ffs?

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 28/12/2016 16:38

I'd confiscate it for the next year at least

What will you confiscate when he's rude again?

Personally, I'd make him earn time on the iPad/ screen time with good behaviour.

NavyandWhite · 28/12/2016 16:39

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SenoritaViva · 28/12/2016 16:39

I agree with others, you need to pull him up on rudeness and spoilt behaviour every time. Reward kindness and politeness and 'punish' bad behaviour by removing treats etc.

statetrooperstacey · 28/12/2016 16:39

Well, it maybe your parenting but it could equally be that he is just a little shit? Lots of them are. I'm glad he didn't get the iPad. Just keep punishing him when he is rude cheeky etc, every time. He will probably turn out nice, they usually do.

Starlight2345 · 28/12/2016 16:39

I would remove tablet for a while.. Then earns limited time.. I agree with the poster is the issue is rube impolite behaviour that is how he earns it.

How do you limit it? I don't believe at 7 it should be an every day activity...Weekends only are fine..

I would be making him write and apology letter and talking about everything he enjoyed. I would not accept anything less than basic manners.

NataliaOsipova · 28/12/2016 16:40

I feel for you. But it's not your fault. The fact that you are so horrified by this shows that these aren't values or behaviours you have encouraged. I'm quite hard line on this sort of thing, but he doesn't like a present? Take it away. His life's soooo boring? Obviously he's not finding interest in the iPad and should look to do something more interesting. Make clear that unacceptable behaviour will not be tolerated at all and bad manners will not be excused. You'll find it a slog for a while, but if this is habitual behaviour then it's probably the only way to "cure" it. Wish you all the best.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 28/12/2016 16:40

He just doesn't seem to get it that's the trouble.
Laughingly he got the award for 'best manners' at school. I conclude he is a billion times worse at home.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 28/12/2016 16:41

I wasn't suggesting that only children are naturally worse behaved. It just sounds like he's used to the universe revolving round him and also maybe speaking and being spoken to more like an adult.
Re possible SN. No excuse to be bloody rude. Pull him up sharply. Every time. In public if needs be. And an instant consequence. Every time.

ThisisMrsNicolaHicklin · 28/12/2016 16:41

We're having the same trouble here. 'Bored' is DS's new favourite word. DS gets a punishment at the time and also a chat about what's OK and what's not when things have cooled down. I'm very lucky in that DS is quite a considerate wee guy under it all so asking him to think about how his actions might cause other to have hurt feelings seems to work.

Original poster
Skatingonthinice16 · 28/12/2016 16:41

He has some games on his iPad he likes - Rayman, Mario etc. That's what he plays usually.

OP posts:
MrsDustyBusty · 28/12/2016 16:41

What will you confiscate when he's rude again?

I would not be confiscating the ipad now because he was rude today but because it doesn't seem to help him manage his behaviour. Maybe in a year he'd be better able for the stimulation.

littleshirleybeans · 28/12/2016 16:41

Not helpful but I'd have wanted to land him one for that. Obviously, I wouldn't, but I'd be enraged.
I think he needs to start earning his privileges in whatever way you see fit eg chores.
I once bought a few of this hand held clickers for counting eg the number of people at an event.
I told my dc that they had to earn a set amount eg 20 before they got some sort of treat. They earned clucks by being well-mannered, cooperative etc. They were about 5 at the time.
I've also used them with my classes eg work together to earn 50 clicks and I'll take you out for PE or whatever.
It was easy to administer and helped to focus on being positive (which is very hard at times, I know.)
NB be careful if buying online, check the country of sale as I ended up paying £12 custom charges for a two quid clicker Confused
wanders off to look for clickers

cunningartificer · 28/12/2016 16:41

You're right to be disappointed and right to take away the iPad. Ignoring him as an indication of your annoyance though will be modelling the behaviour you don't want from him, so if I were you, once you're calmer, I would take the time to talk through your expectations and explain why what he's done is unacceptable.

You'll need to judge yourself how to put this, as you know him best. You could talk perhaps in terms of how he is different from a toddler (so things you might have tolerated in the past have changed).

He may not listen first time, second time, but if you 'talk' him every time he'll get it quicker than you might think. Smile

origamiwarrior · 28/12/2016 16:42

Would it be worth speaking to him later in bed, when he's calm and relaxed and actually explaining to him how sad his behaviour is making you feel and how unhappy he is making everyone? Then talk to him about wiping the slate clean and turning over a new leaf the next day?

There was a CBBC programme on some time ago about a group of children who went to third-world countries to work and live alongside children who had to work for a living in sweatshops etc. Would watching that give him a wake-up call to see how lucky he is?

someonestolemynick · 28/12/2016 16:42

Your D'S sounds very bright and has a very clever way with words. Smile

Now, for the less pleasant bit: you talk about your son inbquute a negative way. You understandably don't like his behaviour very much at the moment and I bet he picked up on that.
It happens quite a lot that if you expect negative behaviour of your kids (and verbalize that) they will fulfil your expectation. 'What's the point of good behaviour if the adults expect me to act up.'
There's probably quite a bit going on, so I'd have a chat with him in a quite moment. Tell him that his behaviour hurts other people's feelings, how would he feel if people talked to him that way and ask him why he does it. Possibly try a role play with puppets if he finds it difficult to put his behaviour into words.
My instinct is to offer him a "clean slate" rather than punish and big up good behaviour/ kindness to others.

SapphireStrange · 28/12/2016 16:43

I agree with Natalia. I'd actually say get rid of the iPad, at least for the foreseeable future.

Your MIL needs a kick into touch about buying it without talking to you, as an aside.

Bitofacow · 28/12/2016 16:43

"I want my iPad" with guests in the house......

No questions asked, iPad is removed until he earns it back. He would have to do some serious work tyo get it back.

Set clear guidelines about the way you all talk to each other and stick to them. I work with teenagers and often the parents ask where they went wrong. Now is the time to make sure your teenager will behave. Do not dismiss or excuse this behaviour.

DurhamDurham · 28/12/2016 16:43

I'm sorry that you're having to deal with this when your son is only 7, that's very young to have such a negative attitude. I would definitely just get rid of the iPad and let him know he might get one when he is older.

Kids are often worse at home that's true but I would be appalled if either of my girls spoke to people the way your son does.

Whatever you decide to do remember to be consistent and always follow through, no empty threats.

Good luck Flowers

CloudPerson · 28/12/2016 16:44

If you suspect he's on the spectrum what strategies do you use to help him?
Rudeness in a restaurant sounds like my son (ASD), if you don't know him he can sound hugely entitled and rude, but this is covering up sensory difficulties and a need to eat when he expects to.

I also suspect that taking away the iPad won't improve attitude, instead I would be trying to work out the root of his behaviour and working on that. If he is autistic this behaviour will not be deliberate, and punishing him will probably not have much of an effect.

Meloncoley2 · 28/12/2016 16:45

If you strongly suspect he is on the spectrum, are you getting support with this?

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