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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs Confused

OP posts:
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Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 15:50

Its making me feel old too and I'm 43 Hmm I'm not judgy at all but I always feel well yuk if I haven't at least had a shower unless I'm ill or when I was breastfeeding but even then I'd have a wash and put non- sleep clothes on Confused It just made me feel weird

OP posts:
MaQueen · 28/12/2016 15:51

Only in the parallel MN universe, is it considered perfectly acceptable to invite guests over for brunch and swan about in your dressing gown, as you dish up.

I have never experienced this, and I don't know of anyone who has IRL.

What is it meant to convey...that you're just so slovenly at ease with yourself, and chilled and too spiritually evolved to be constrained by thousands of years of societal norms'...

Righty oh, then Hmm

LittleMermaidRose · 28/12/2016 15:52

I think if your friends have invited you over & stayed in their pjs, it shows how comfortable they are being themselves around you. People just want to be comfy.

I usually just wear underwear & a baggy t-shirt to bed, & unless I'm going out I just spend the day wearing a tank top & pj bottoms - they're just comfy & cuter than plain leggings lol.

dingdongthewitchishere · 28/12/2016 15:53

People do the school run in just a sports bra and running leggings here

Same around here (tshirt at the moment, it's freezing), but they actually RUN after dropping the kids, so it does make sense to wear the right sport clothes.

In which ski resort are you? I have never seen people in a pjs out of their bedrooms in any holiday place I have been to, ever! I am genuinely curious.

Original poster
Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 15:54

But surely too when you invite people round, it's not about you being comfortable in your own home- it's about making your guests feel comfortable in your home? Confused

OP posts:
shaggedthruahedgebackwards · 28/12/2016 15:55

I'm with you OP

If I'd been invited to someone's house even for a very casual tea & biscuits arrangement I would not expect to find them in their PJs!

1horatio · 28/12/2016 15:56

It's completely inappropriate. You are not making the first effort for your guests, you are making them uncomfortable so that only is rude. You also happen to look ridiculous.
I don't care if it looks ridiculous. We're in my home. And I highly doubt my family or close friends uncomfortable... why would they be?

People I'm close to have seen me compete (so, shorts and a sports bra/top). And seeing as I used to winter with many of those people they've also seen me in swimwear.

Hellochicken · 28/12/2016 15:56

YANBU I'd be uncomfortable.

I don't know anyone who would do that! Not relatives on either side of family, or friends, neighbours, colleagues (that I know of!).
I wouldnt EVER invite someone round and be in PJs!
I might answer the door to unexpected guests but I'd get changed quickly.

Only if I called round unexpected at bedtime or early morning, or if someone was really unwell /just had a baby would I expect them not to be dressed ESPECIALLY if they knew you were coming round.

1horatio · 28/12/2016 15:58

But it seems like we should agree to disagree. :) At least imo.

frauleinsallybowles · 28/12/2016 15:58

i agree with the op i once asked my dh cousin and his partner to my house for drinks and she turned up in pj bottoms and an old hoodie and it made me very uncomfertable

DotForShort · 28/12/2016 15:58

I would find it very odd indeed. If people want to be relaxed in their own homes at the end of a long day, that's one thing. But to invite casual acquaintances (or even close friends or family) over for a social occasion and spend the time clad in night wear? Er, no thank you very much for asking.

Lilaclily · 28/12/2016 15:59

I'm embarrassed my postman has seen me in my dressing gown Xmas Grin

Candlefairy101 · 28/12/2016 16:02

It would make me feel more at ease if I went round a friends house and they were in their p.j's, it says to me that THEY are at ease around me.

NicknameUsed · 28/12/2016 16:03

"Well I have no issues with folks wearing their pjs all day if lounging at home, and I wouldn't leave, but I am also surprised at the amount of people who think it's ok to invite folks round late afternoon for drinks and nibbles and then host in their pyjamas. It's weird in my view. Takes two mins to shove a pair of jeans and a jumper on."

Exactly. I don't actually know anyone who spends all day in PJs. I wonder if it is a generational thing and it is mostly younger people who do this. I feel lazy and unmotivated if I am not dressed.

If we invite people around for drinks and nibbles I like to dress up a bit because it gives it a sense of occasion. Pyjamas most definitely do not. I have asked DD's opinion and she thinks it is odd as well. (She is 16).

Our neighbours have invited us and a few other neighbours round for new year's day. I bet no-one will be wearing pyjamas (We are all over 50 BTW).

StrangeLookingParasite · 28/12/2016 16:03

Not unreasonable in the least. Nothing says 'I don't care about you at all' better than not even bothering to get dressed when you have visitors.
I would need to be at death's door not to be dressed when people arrived.

Artandco · 28/12/2016 16:09

Ding -in Arlberg region. Seeing as all the spas here in Austria are naked only, I don't think anyone is worried about being seen in pjs after having a drink.

mathanxiety · 28/12/2016 16:09

I would be wondering if I had got the day or the time wrong for the festivities. It would make me uncomfortable. I don't think YABU at all.

PelvicFloorClenchReminder · 28/12/2016 16:11

YABU. I have the PTA over for naked pom bear parties all the time.

redcaryellowcar · 28/12/2016 16:11

I'd be flattered that they felt they knew you well enough to be comfy? I have a couple of friends who sometimes are wearing pjs when I see them at their houses in the evening, I'm delighted they are comfy and know I would like to do the same.

NicknameUsed · 28/12/2016 16:12

"It would make me feel more at ease if I went round a friends house and they were in their p.j's, it says to me that THEY are at ease around me."

I wouldn't get that message at all. It would convey "I can't be bothered" to me.

If I had turned up at a friend's house at say 10 am on a weekend morning I wouldn't be bothered if they were still in their pyjamas, but something like a drinks and nibbles event which would be a little more of an occasion requires more effort IMO.

Like many other posters, this only happens on MN. In real life people get dressed - well they do in my real life.

Nanny0gg · 28/12/2016 16:13

Spot on, MaQueen .

DotForShort · 28/12/2016 16:14

But surely too when you invite people round, it's not about you being comfortable in your own home- it's about making your guests feel comfortable in your home?

Exactly. An Englishman's home may be his castle but it's much more important to be considerate of guests than to be so focused on one's own comfort. And surely, many articles of clothing are every bit as comfortable as pyjamas.

MaQueen · 28/12/2016 16:14

Agree...thank God that in my real life, people actually get dressed, in actual clothes, if they're expecting visitors.

ThroughThickAndThin01 · 28/12/2016 16:15

I agree OP.

It would make me uncomfortable actually.

NicknameUsed · 28/12/2016 16:16

And why do you pyjama wearers wear uncomfortable clothes the rest of the time? I feel as comfortable in my day wear as I do in pyjamas.