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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To expect people to be dressed if they've invited people round

903 replies

Exileinengland1999 · 28/12/2016 14:37

Just that really- got invited round for Xmas drinks at some friends at 4pm and they were in their pjs and stayed like that for a 2 hour visit - Aibu to feel uncomfortable with the extreme casual-ness of it all. Even my kids asked why they were in their pjs Confused

OP posts:
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15
GoLightlyHollie · 31/12/2016 00:45

Have I accidentally gone onto netmoms? Shock
I must be completely uptight compared to some people on this thread but I wouldn't dream of being in pjs if I invited people around. If they showed up uninvited, I would go and change.
If I was in trakkies and a hoodie and people called in, I mightn't change (though wouldn't be dressed as such if we had guests invited round) but anything that I've slept in such as pjs, definitely.

TrustySnail · 31/12/2016 01:37

If they showed up uninvited, I would go and change.

Yes, so would I - and I'd feel compelled to make an excuse for still being in my nightwear, if the callers arrived in the daytime.

Mermaidinthesea · 31/12/2016 02:05

I used to have standards and be dressed properly at all times, but now I'm getting divorced my adult son and his girlfriend posted me a couple of pairs of PJs and a fluffy dressing gown and told me to dress down for a change :-) and I wear them as soon as I get home.
I just want to be comfortable and feel cosy it really helps out with my current mental state.
It would very much depend on who was coming round, a casual girlfriend I'll stay in PJs, a more formal drinks evening I'd get changed (reluctantly), I mean lets face it there is other acceptable but comfy leisure wear that is more acceptable, glam kaftan but stick some chunky jewellery on, make an effort with hair. Smart tracksuit, PJs for christmas couple drinks - no.

Philoslothy · 31/12/2016 02:11

Very very few people have said that they would invite people round and plan to be in their pyjamas. A few of us have questioned whether this is actually "shitty behaviour".

However a greater number have said that they wear pyjamas / leisure wear at home during the day - other posters have told them that they must be living dirty and chaotic lives.

Roussette · 31/12/2016 08:41

It depends on your lifestyle and how often you have sex. I have to shower twice a day as I am mucking out animals

Just indulge me, I'm delirious from flu, too much nightnurse and lack of sleep, but that statement just made me laugh. Don't ask me why.

As you were.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 31/12/2016 11:39

Yes I had to read that twice, Rousette Shock Grin

BadLad · 31/12/2016 11:42

If I am ever single again, I'm using that as an opening line.

You look like an animal. Would you like me to muck you out? I'll shower afterwards.

Realjournal123 · 31/12/2016 11:45

You are right to be put out by this. I'd be disgusted. I don't care if it's their house and all of the bollocks! It shows lack of respect for their visitors as though they're not worth getting dressed for. Who would do that?? I'd dress appropriately it can be casual or even a tracksuit but pj's- no way. Lazy and gross- had they even washed or brushed their teeth???

Wookiecookies · 31/12/2016 12:40

Real, "put out" I can understand. But "disgusted"? This is what I mean about the overeaction to this situation. There are far more awful things in the world to be "disgusted" about, than a host couple who (wrongly according to the mumsnet judge and jury) invited the OP over whilst in PJs.
I think the hosts clearly just misjudged the situation for whatever reason, but they may well be perfectly clean, polite and nice people in spite of all that.

Artandco · 31/12/2016 12:49

We arrived home late yesterday from Christmas abroad. Kids knackered. Everyone slept in late, kids had a bath an hour ago but now back in clean pjs. We have a New Year's Eve even later so they can spend afternoon napping or relaxing and will get dressed this evening to go out. We will be outside so don't want that many layers on inside now as too hot

Philoslothy · 31/12/2016 13:00

Grinthat did come across a bit odd. I blame sleep deprivation

hackmum · 31/12/2016 13:16

Utterly gross. I would never do this and don't know anyone else who would.

Lozzamas · 02/01/2017 17:54

I know of no one close or not that wouldn't dress for guests. I get the "I want to be comfy on my day off" claim, in which case buy some comfy clothes that are day way. PJ's are for sleeping in - not entertaining or leaving the house. Exercise clothes are for the gym not entertaining or being out in public or sleeping in. FFS a trackie bottom and t shirt or fleece is day wear and comfy. I am being judgmental- this is dreadful behaviour to guests and I couldn't stay- very rude, lazy and not what the majority would expect when invited around. I constantly battle the kids about not living in PJ's ... as I tell them it's not O.K.

NicknameUsed · 02/01/2017 18:01

I wouldn't even be put out let alone disgusted, but I still think it gives the CBA message to the guests, and I think it is odd simply because this just never, ever happens in my circle.

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/01/2017 19:27

Honestly, if I arrived at someone's house for dinner or drinks and they were in pyjamas, I'd be itching to leave. And would leave at the first opportunity. I certainly wouldn't relax into the evening and enjoy myself. And I probably wouldn't be reciprocating the invitation, other than maybe to a café for a quick coffee (where they'd surely have to get the fuck dressed to come along).

There are obviously two types of people in this world - those who just love their pyjamas, and those who only wear them to bed - and so we clearly wouldn't be each other's type. No point pursuing it.

If I turned up to a good/old friend or family member's and they were in pyjamas, I'd assume they'd fallen to drink or had mental health problems (because it would be so out of character), and I'd be worried about them.

PintofLagerandAPacketofCrisps · 02/01/2017 19:44

It's the wrong trousers, Gromit!

From my walk of life, we wouldn't dream of judging a person based on something like this - this is a teeny bit shallow to write someone off completely, based on their clothing choices..

We would judge someone on their persona, their attitude to life etc. Clothes and fashion sense, appropriate or otherwise would not come into it

Upsy1981 · 02/01/2017 20:36

We have some close friends and it is perfectly with usual for one of them to turn up for an evening in our house wearing pj's.

NicknameUsed · 02/01/2017 20:54

"We would judge someone on their persona, their attitude to life etc."

But to most people wearing pyjamas when you have specifically invited guests does say something about them and their attitude to life.

NataliaOsipova · 02/01/2017 21:08

*"We would judge someone on their persona, their attitude to life etc."

But to most people wearing pyjamas when you have specifically invited guests does say something about them and their attitude to life.*

I think so too!

TheDowagerCuntess · 02/01/2017 21:29

But to most people wearing pyjamas when you have specifically invited guests does say something about them and their attitude to life.

Exactly!

TheKitchenWitch · 03/01/2017 11:04

So if they were dressed in their scuba diving gear, that would also not affect your opinion at all?

Wookiecookies · 03/01/2017 11:41

Thats kind of a reasonable Point actually Kitchenwitch. I suppose I would be a bit Hmm

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 03/01/2017 12:00

Scuba gear-clad hosts would just make me think that they were on their way out to a scuba session or, less charitably, that they really were part of the pampas grass-crew and this get-up was part of it.

Either way, I would be out of the door very fast... >>>

TheKitchenWitch · 03/01/2017 16:37

I have to ask upsy, why do they turn up in pjs? And also - is there any outfit that you WOULD consider inappropriate?

SarfEast1cated · 03/01/2017 17:26

I think the point that has got lost in this really massive thread, is that the OP had only met this couple a few times and mostly in the school playground. They aren't close friends with a history of dressing down and 'chillaxing' together in onsies. It sounds pretty Royston Vasey to me.