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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Wills and dsc

138 replies

RhiannonnDontGo · 27/12/2016 22:00

Dh and I have been discussing wills. Dh has a ds 15 and a dd 13. We have a ds together who is almost 2. We own a house which we have invested 50:50 into give or take. He wants to leave the house equally to all three. I want half to go to our
Ds and the other half to be shared between his ds and dd.
Who is right?

OP posts:

dudsville · 27/12/2016 22:02

Who is right? You have different priorities. You need to negotiate.

Mouikey · 27/12/2016 22:03

That's a tough one - if you are one big family and his children live with you then thirds, but to be honest the 50/50 split seems appropriate too! Neither of you are BU!

GreenTureen · 27/12/2016 22:04

Technically the 'fair' way IMO would be for your 50% share to be left to your ds and for dh's 50% share to be split between his three dc. So your ds would get around 66% and the dsc would get around 17% each.

Hypothetically, I wouldn't want my share of a house/money etc to go to any dsc - that's my legacy for my children.

HunterHearstHelmsley · 27/12/2016 22:06

I'd give a third each way.

TenaciousOne · 27/12/2016 22:07

Technically he is right however if he dies first he can't stop you leaving it how you see fit. I would in his boots leave his half to the older children as you will leave your half to your child.

SanityAssassin · 27/12/2016 22:07

The house is the big asset so change your ownership to Tenants In Common and then you can do what the hell you like with your 50% and he doesn't even need to know (until after your dead obs ). Your half is your DC inheritance - his DC will have another from their DM at some point.

FatalKittehCharms · 27/12/2016 22:09

Will DSC inherit from their mum too?

LanaorAna1 · 27/12/2016 22:09

Have the dsds got their own mother? If yes and she is solvent, your plan's ok.

If you're the only mother they've got, YABU. Do you really want to disinherit them?

HarryPottersMagicWand · 27/12/2016 22:10

YANBU. It shouldn't be split 3 ways. Your share should not go to his children. I was going to say that your 50% should go to your DS and your DH's 50% should be split between his 3 children.

My GPs have a similar thing. Nans half gets split between her 5 children, step grandads half gets split between his 2 children. There is an added complication as they have brought up another family member between them and (I think) this family member stands to inherit from both sides but not an even split from step grandads half.

AngryVagina · 27/12/2016 22:11

I agree with Green's way being the the "fairest" but I'd settle for 50% to my child and 50% to his...though then he isn't technically leaving anything to his child with you. I don't know, it's a very difficult one. Definitely wouldn't be happy with 1/3 to each child though as then the DSC own more than your DS with him and given that both of your DS's parents own the house and only one of DSC's parents do, that would be unfair.

Apachepony · 27/12/2016 22:12

I would have thought greentureen's suggestion is correct so his children would actually be doing quite well to get 25% each as per your suggestion

AmberEars · 27/12/2016 22:12

Neither of you is right or wrong - people choose to do this differently. But personally I'm with you.

Zarachristmas · 27/12/2016 22:13

Surely it completely depends whether their mum is around and who they live with?

If they are set to inherit from their mother then I'd say half the house should go to your ds.

If say they live with you and their mum wasn't around I'd say you're being totally wrong.

sj257 · 27/12/2016 22:14

Difficult. If they would inherit from their mother then 50% for them. If not, split 3 ways.

Zarachristmas · 27/12/2016 22:15

Personally I don't know why anyone marries and has children with someone who is already a parent if they feel the way you do.

Original poster

RhiannonnDontGo · 27/12/2016 22:16

They live with their mum and will inherit her house between them (I assume!) but I'm quite happy with 50% to ds and 50% split between dsc.

OP posts:

DinosaursRoar · 27/12/2016 22:17

Is this for in the event of you both dying? So you own 50% each, you leave your 50% to who you want and he leaves his 50% to who he wants, assuming he wants to leave to his 3DCs, you have only 1DC (and 2SC), it is reasonable to want to leave yours to your child.

What happens if only one of you dies? Assuming you are leaving to each other - or if he dies, would you find that half your home belongs to your step-children, who might want to release their inheritance money for deposits for their own homes while you still have a school aged DC to house?

Timeforteaplease · 27/12/2016 22:18

Your half goes to your DS. His half is split three ways between his children.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 27/12/2016 22:19

Difficult one. I'm in the same position.

Much loved DSD and DS.

I totally understand why your DH wants all his children to be treated equitably - as does my DH and myself.

However there is a wider context that can't be gleaned from your post.

Firstly, what might your step children stand to inherit from their mother and maternal grandparents for example?

It's not fair to split your assets equally if they have another source of inheritance imho.

I think it's reasonable to single out "family" items (furniture/jewellery etc) for your child also.

lampshady · 27/12/2016 22:20

This kind of situation fills me with dread. Unless I saw the step children as "my own" (loose interpretation) I'd want 50:50 between my child and the step children. They're not yours and unless you wanted to you shouldn't have to provide for them.

thisismeusernameything · 27/12/2016 22:21

I would want my half to go to my ds and his half to be split 3 ways.

happychristmasbum · 27/12/2016 22:23

50/50 is fair in this scenario.

Agree with PP - you probably need to change to tenants in common so you can will your share to whomever you choose...

Zarachristmas · 27/12/2016 22:23

All those saying they'd want half to go to their own ds...

Would you be saying that if let's say, the dsc mother wasn't dead and they lived with you?

Surely that would be beyond cruel and selfish?

AngryVagina · 27/12/2016 22:25

Yeah I think having mulled it over, I'd want my half to go to my child and his half split evenly between all of his children.

GreenTureen · 27/12/2016 22:25

Have you also considered what would be the case if you have another dc? (is that likely?)

Because if you then left your half between your two dc and he left his half to his other two, all dc would get 25% each but the dsc would also inherit from their mum which would be unfair.

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