Wills and dsc

[RhiannonnDontGo]

Dh and I have been discussing wills. Dh has a ds 15 and a dd 13. We have a ds together who is almost 2. We own a house which we have invested 50:50 into give or take. He wants to leave the house equally to all three. I want half to go to our
Ds and the other half to be shared between his ds and dd.
Who is right?

I am currently leaving my children equal share because I think they will look out for each other. However, I will reserve extra for my son because he has special needs. Wills do need changing sometimes.

They have two half brothers. I hope my ex includes the children from his first marriage in his will, but I would totally understand that his portion has to be divided into five. My children's half brothers' mum has every right to leave her portion to them and expect that her partner leave some to their children.

Prawn - you can will it to your children but give a life interest to your partner so they can live in it till they die. This life interest can be changed to another house if the spouse wants to move house, if the executors agree.

If you do not leave it to your partner in the first instance, and it is above the Inheritance tax threshold, then your child will pay inheritiance tax if they inherit directly from you. Leave a life interest to your husband, then your share to your DS upon his death. Your DH can do the same with his children. It just so happens he has more children than you, but life is like that, and not everything can be equal - in life or death. It would have been equal if he had only one child. Alternatively, consult a solicitor when you draw up the wills to see if there are other alternatives.

Be careful about advice to take other family wealth into consideration. What money other people have is irrelevant to your will. Elderley people may well have significant care home fees to pay and leave very little at the end of that. Other people may have life changing needs. Do what is right for you and ignore other family members because you have no control over them, or their wills, or their needs. They could leave everything to a cats' home and your children get nothing.

I'd split it equally between the dcs but I don't have sc tbf, maybe I'd feel differently if I did.

I am a step child though. My dad remarried, when they bought a house together they paid 60/40 on the deposit. Apparently any inheritance from the house will also be split 60/40 between the kids (2 on each side, none together). I wouldn't be bothered if it was split 50/50 though. I was surprised they decided 60/40.

I also won't inherit anything from my mum or any gp. My mum moved out to a rental, my dad stayed in the house and she didn't get a great outcome in the divorce. It's wildly presumptious to assume sc will inherit from both sides of the family.

Sheldon his children are equal to him! He is their biological father. Their step mum is not biologically related to them. She is totally free to will part of her inheritance to them. If she chooses.

But if she dies first would the home become her husband's home to live on in and the same if he dies first and she remains?

Hopefully this will be set in law so none of the children can force a sale before both parents are gone.

Plus please can people bear in mind it is all very well telling your kids what you will and will not leave them, but you just do not know what the future holds.

My sister and I felt, when we were young, we would jointly inherite our parents home. But dementia and a stay in a nursing home meant we were left with about 10% of the value of her home to share.

We were not upset or disappointed about the inheritance because I had seen this happen to a friend's mum 20 years ago.

Children can and do make their own way in the world, by the time the parents are gone they are likely to have their own homes and families.

Would it be different if you had dc before marrying dh? Would you be happy with him leaving 50% to one child and your 50% being split between 3, giving one of your children 66% and the other two sharing the remaining third?

I actually think there would be some outcry if a woman tried to say her husband had insisted on that.

I have 1 ds from a previous relationship and I have one on the way. Our home will be split 50/50 to each child and OH has no issues with my ds getting the same as his ds, regardless of what he may or may not inherit from fob. He sees it as this - he knew I had a son when we met, he wanted to be with me and therefore me son. He treats my son the same way he will ds2 when he arrives. We are a family and my ds will not be seen as second class because we have a child together.

So your dh wouldn't leave any of the house to your ds?

Ps OP please be aware that your feelings for your children may change. If in your old age one of your step children ismosy faithful in caring for you, looking out for you or their father, you may choose to adjust your will appropriately.

I believe it is your 50% to decide how to will, it does not mean your step children will necessarily be excluded.

Our son is adopted so to me biology is everything at all.

Your so may inherit from your side of the family, none of your children may inherit from anywhere else. And this Mau change your views. So please do not promise anything to the kids, except your love and care and provision as a parent.

So to me biology is not everything at all!

sailorcherries there have been threads in the past where op was upset that her new dh only wanted to leave his share to 'his' dc, not to his dsc (ie to op's dc from former relationship). There was no consensus but there was certainly a significant 'if he marries you he should be prepared to treat them as his own' school of thought on such threads. So I think you have a point!

As another pp said, perhaps something to sort out and discuss before you have more dc - though of course you can't make anyone stick to an agreement, at least you would know if there was an irreconcilable difference.

Bojororo my point exactly - absolutely no guarantees that dsc's dm will leave them anything, so I think it's a mistake to say surely they will inherit from dm?

It is interesting that this type of question is increasingly becoming an issue. I suppose because the generation with high owner occupation (and therefore a lot to leave) is now getting closer to prime 'will making' age.

Purple it may be wildly presumptuous to assume stepchildren will inherit from other parent but in this case it looks like they will.

OP said "They live with their mum and will inherit her house between them (I assume)"

sailor presumably the child you already have will live/lives with you both and your dh will parent them. It is a bit different to meeting s man with teenage or pre teen kids who live with their mum. We do not know how long the OP has known her husband or how involved she is with the kids. It may be a it or a little. But we do know the older children live with their mum.

The other thing with this will op is to assume you may both die much earlier than average (sorry, this is so morbid) so what would you want to happen in that case? Your ds would need 'maintenance' for much longer than dsc (although they would also need it for a while), so that would be a reason to leave him more at the moment.

Then you can adjust your will as time passes - though that is expensive I know!

If dsc's dm hasn't remarried it may be a reasonable assumption that dsc would inherit from her at the moment. The problem is you have no idea whether she will remarry/need care home fees in the future. (And anyway you never really know whether someone has remortgaged, has other liabilities etc. )

Assuming birth mum and dad's houses are comparable step kids would get circa 16% of OP's home and 50% of their own mums home leaving them with exactly the same as OP's son, which would be 66%.

However of OP's dh gets his way his older children would get circa 33% and 50% of two homes leaving them with 83% compared to his youngest son's circa 33%.

And agree with Ciutadella you have no idea how things will alter etc.

One thing we did when we made a will, I think it was when dd was a preshooler (before we adopted) was to designate who would care for dd if we both died. Very important to do. At the time we both had parents and sisters and needed to choose who would be best for dd. In the unhappy event we both died she would have inherited our home and life insurance and my sister, designated to care for her, would have needed access to this to bring her up.

We added a clause that the amount would be split equally with any future children we both had.

IMHO this is a very important thing to do even though the likelihood is exceptionally rare!

Solicitors will be well used to dealing with all the complexities of family life so my advice is to make sure you use a good reputable one and do not attempt any kind of DIY will.

Your husband should really not be telling you what to do with your will or your share of a jointly owned home. It is totally wrong.

If you choose to share equally with all kids, placing your son at a disadvantage potentially, that is your choice. And your step children may become so dear to you that you choose to include them in your share.

But his insisting is plain wrong in this circumstance.

If the kids all lived with you jointly, if they don't inherit from their mum, these factors could all change my views but based on what you have told us, Rhiannon, your husband is being very presumptuous to attempt to make your will for you.

Your 50% to your children (DS) and DHs 50% to his children (2 stepchildren and 1 shared DS)

Yes my son lives with me but in this instance they are still this man's children, and op knew about them before committing. If you cannot see your child and his child equally, or think his deserve less because "what if they inherit from their mother" then you shouldn't be with that man. His children should become yours and not seen as less significant than your own: as it should be with a man who marries a woman with children.

His children before yours are worth no less than your own child.

In short, I just can't imagine saying one child is worth more because they live with you/your husbands children don't deserve as much because they didn't come out your vagina.

Completely disagree. Step children aren't the step parents financial responsibility in life or death. Yes there will be exceptions to this but for the most part as step parents we are told to butt out of decisions re step children as they aren't ours to make. All of my inheritance will go to my child all of my DHs will go to his child.

I am a widow and have two DS and a DSD. They love each other dearly. My DSD's mother has absolutely nothing to leave, whereas I have a bit of capital and an expensive house. I may also inherit myself. Until my DS grew up the plan was to leave my property 40:40:20. However my younger DS le now legally an adult so I am changing my will to split my estate equally between the three. I know my DSD has always felt one down, despite my reassurance, and my DSs are happy to share. Leaving her a third is solid proof of her position in the family and one in the eye to her DMIL who tells her talk is cheap but does my side of the family really care about DSD. What a bitchy thing to say.

Sorry, meant to add that the three of them will, I hope, continue to be close. If I treated them differently it would drive a wedge between them. I don't want any bad feeling after my death.

Assuming birth mum and dad's houses are comparable step kids would get circa 16% of OP's home and 50% of their own mums home leaving them with exactly the same as OP's son, which would be 66%

Same percentage, yes. But depends on the value of the respective estates. 66% of nothing is nothing but is an awful lot more of one of the parents leaves several million.

Best thing to do is spend a couple of hours running through various scenarios, who might get what from whom and when, then go a solicitor spend an hour or so them them running through everything, they will give you some more ideas, have another discussion at home, go back and get it done.
There are so many variables trying to make it too simple never usUally ends well.

In the end everyone should be treated fairly

There was a thread last yeAr, hundreds of posts where children had been or would be disinherited due to bad wills.

I think his share should go to his two older dc. Your ds should get your 50%. I don't know it seems unfair that your ds should get much more of the home.

MagicMary1, but they're not getting 'more in the bigger picture'; they have a second parent, mother, who will presumably be leaving them her estate, and possibly a house. Do you think their mother will be leaving OP's child part of her estate? I don't!

MagicMary - there's also the point that in this case, the OP is assuming that she and her DH have died at the same time (as surely otherwise shares will be left to the surviving spouce), the older DCs will still have a living parent who can look after them/contribute to any university costs/wedding costs/give them a home if they low paid when first working etc. The OP's DS will have noone, this will be all he gets and it needs to be invested in a way that it covers any needs he would normally expect a parent to fund.If there's extended family he might end up with an Aunt or Uncle taking on this role, but if he ends up being cared for by the state, then from 18 he'll pretty much be on his own.

As the OP's DH and ExW won't spend much time together - beyond handovers of children etc, it's highly unlikely they would die at the same time - whereas the OP sharing a life with her DH, and most importantly travelling with him regularly, it's much more likely that her DS would end up an orphan before adulthood than then DSC. (Both parents dying at roughly the same time is normally an accident of some sort.)

Obviously wills can be updated, and a will that covers who'll have the most need as a child doesn't mean you can't change it when all DCs are adults to reflect less need (or even if one child had needed financial help as an adult that the others didn't).