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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wills and dsc

138 replies

RhiannonnDontGo · 27/12/2016 22:00

Dh and I have been discussing wills. Dh has a ds 15 and a dd 13. We have a ds together who is almost 2. We own a house which we have invested 50:50 into give or take. He wants to leave the house equally to all three. I want half to go to our
Ds and the other half to be shared between his ds and dd.
Who is right?

OP posts:
KeptOnRaining · 27/12/2016 23:12

I think firstly provision needs to be made for you DS should anything happen to you both before he's an adult.

Then your 50% should go to your DS (split equally with any further children you might have) and DH's evenly between his 3 (or more, subsequently) children.

IMO It's not fair on your DS to do anything else. He has 2 parents to potentially inherit from & so do they, it's not your DS's fault that both of his live in the one house and theirs don't.

Totally different situation, in my opinion, if there is only one parent on the scene, or if the other parent is totally feckless and it's most likely to also be their only inheritance - but to be totally honest, how much I'd change that would depend on the age that of the SC & the relationship.

Brewdolf · 27/12/2016 23:19

I come from a second marriage. When my parents last went to do their wills there was a massive issue within the children sets as to why DC1 was getting something DC3 wasn't etc etc.

In the end they decided the best thing to do was to start with where probate would place stuff. I.e. each had half and their kids were entitled to equal share of their halves. So sister and I get equal split of DMs and DFs half was equally split between all his DC.

Anything after that was down to the wishes of each parent. DM could chose to include her SC if she chose and to what amount and both were free to fiddle with the finer points of their own estates.

Seemed perfectly fair to me and its something DH and I repeated across our wills though we have no SCs to contend with.

WhereYouLeftIt · 27/12/2016 23:36

SInce you own the house 50:50, I would say you can each will your 50% as you please. He has three children, you have one, so I would presume he would will his 50% equally between his three, and you have a sole heir who would get all of your 50%.

His elder children will presumably inherit from their mother too?

Italiangreyhound · 27/12/2016 23:37

Please, please be aware that if either you or dh develops dementia or a long term illess your home may end up paying for your care.

The fair thing is that the home should be split 50/50 between you and dh.

Then you can leave your 50% to ds, and any other kids you may have, with dh or someone else. He can choose to do with his 50% as he chooses.

Your step children may inherit money from their mum or from anyone on her side of the family

BUT please do not discuss this with your kids. You will only set up rivalries. Until you both die the home is your home jointly.

Nowadays children should not expect to inherit.

My mum sold a home worth over 300 K to go into a care home. Circa three years later she died - she had only just over 20k left to leave to me and sis. Her money, her health.

Please do not encourage your children to expect to inherit anything Flowers

PippaFawcett · 27/12/2016 23:40

My 50 per cent is going to my two DC and DH's 50 per cent is being split between his three children - our two DC and my DSC.

For me this is the only fair way to do it. My DSC also stands to inherit quite a lot more from her DM but we have no influence over that, we can only do our split fairly.

Milkand2sugarsplease · 27/12/2016 23:42

I think, as others have said, that he fairest is to split the house 50:50 between you and your DH with you each splitting your 50% as you see fit.
However, if you're happy with a 50:50 split between your biological child and dsc then DH should be happy with that arrangement.

pishedoff · 27/12/2016 23:43

50/50 seems fair, I have a friend who regularly announces that she has no intention ( unsure of her DH opinion!) of her step children getting any inheritance and it will all go to her son Shock. I really hope that this isn't the case, surely it won't do anything for her DS and his relationship with his elder brothers?!

EatsShitAndLeaves · 28/12/2016 00:15

Question?

So what is fair when the step mother is responsible for most of the wealth?

Is she a terrible person to want to leave most of the money she has earned and inherited to her child rather than her step child?

PippaFawcett · 28/12/2016 00:25

EatsShitandLeaves, if it is the stepmother's money, she can do whatever she likes. No-one should expect to inherit. However, the only caveat to that is if she controls the wealth after the father has died or something and it was his to begin with, then a different distribution should be decided.

KeptOnRaining · 28/12/2016 00:44

EatsShitsAndLeaves

IMO she needs to make provision for her DH (so he doesn't lose their house etc) but in a way that he can't do the DC out of their inheritance, then it's up to her what she puts in her will. If she doesn't want to leave any to her sC she doesn't have to. Her & her DH need to work out what is a fair percentage split of their assets.

HermioneWeasley · 28/12/2016 00:49

I'm in the 50/50 camp - you leave your half to your DS. Your husband does what he wants with his.

sandgrown · 28/12/2016 01:05

DP and I have seven children between us but it one joint child. I have s house I owned before I met DP to which he has never contributed which will be shared between my three children. Our joint home will be split with my 50% to my children and his split between his 5 children. Our joint DS is very lucky as he inherits from both sides. My older children will probably inherit from their dad and his children already have money in trust from a grandmother. They will all be fine but should not expect to inherit.

EatsShitAndLeaves · 28/12/2016 01:48

I suppose it was a rhetorical question.

My DH and I are discussing this.

It is so difficult to deem what "fair" actually means.

Is it fair that one child inherits far more than another because they have different mothers?

Or is it unfair to expect they should inherit the same by virtue of their fathers marriage?

What is "family" money? Should my DS inherit my parents wealth but not DSD?

It's all a bloody mine field.

HermioneWeasley · 28/12/2016 02:19

The parents should share their estate equally between their kids (unless one had SN or some other reason why it would be fair to get a larger proportion). Step parents are under no obligation to leave anything.

My BF divorced her (useless, lying, adulterous) ex 5 years ago. Should her SCs expect to inherit from her still?

NeedsAsockamnesty · 28/12/2016 02:40

it's 50% your investment that means that 50% is yours to do with as you please.just as his 50% is his to do with as he pleases.

FrostyWind · 28/12/2016 06:33

His 50% split 3 ways. Your 50% to your DC. The only fair way.

Unless his ex is prepared to leave a share in her house to your DC.

Aftertheraincomesthesun · 28/12/2016 07:31

Write your will for what is right for your family in the current situation. Update it regularly. Situations and needs change.

Timeforteaplease · 28/12/2016 09:18

Your DS gets 50% of the house from you and 16% from his Dad. (66% total)
Your stepchildren get 50% of the house from their mum and 16% from their Dad. (66% total each)
If the houses are worth roughly the same, they all end up with the same amount of money.

Jellybean83 · 28/12/2016 09:30

I agree that your 50% should go to your DS, your DP 50% should be split between his 3 children, so your DS will have 66%. Completely unfair to your DS to do it any other way.

SheldonCRules · 28/12/2016 10:08

Situations like this need to be looked at before marrying or adding more children to the mix.

He's quite clearly sees his children as equal whereas you see two of them as not part of your family. That's very telling and a question he should have asked before jumping into this.

Trifleorbust · 28/12/2016 10:11

Are you ever planning to get married? That will change things drastically as you will no longer be 50:50 owners of your property - you will own it jointly but wholly.

The most realistic scenario here is that one of you will outlive the other by some distance, if you are even still together by that point. The surviving partner may need to keep the house or sell it to fund their own care. At that point they will make their own will.

JellyFishFingers · 28/12/2016 10:11

If it were me, I would want to leave my share to my dc. Your DH should split his between his three children, why should he leave nothing to one of them because you are giving them your share? Surely your disc will have an inheritance from their mother? So it will even out.

I think DH is being disingenuous and I would stand my ground it I were you.

Trifleorbust · 28/12/2016 10:19

Sorry, you are married, aren't you? I would assume you would will your property to one another. Where is the surviving partner supposed to live? How is care in old age to be funded?

I also think your children should benefit equally from your property in the end - in 40 or 50 years, is it really going to matter that his children from a previous relationship aren't your children? I would split three ways.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 28/12/2016 10:28

I don't get how it would work with each partner leaving their 50% to their DC. Call them adult A and adult B. B dies. A can no longer live in the matrimonial home because B's DC own half and can insist on it being sold. Surely A and B should both leave their 50% to each other? That way, when one dies the other doesn't lose their home. What happens when both A and B die is a different matter. Presumably this could be set out in a trust? I'm no expert. But what if A dies while B is still relatively young, and B has another DC? Unless it's carefully written, surely the trust will automatically disinherit this new person who didn't exist when A was alive?

I think OP needs a good solicitor.

Elendon · 28/12/2016 10:48

If they live with their mum, then I also agree that DS gets your half and your DH's half is split three ways. It's proper and fair.

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