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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Stop taking pictures of my baby!

238 replies

jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 16:01

My OH's family are starting to really annoy me....Mostly his sister. Every time we see them one or more of them they take pictures of my baby. Now I don't mind the odd picture being taken to create memories and we send them pictures almost every day if she's doing something new or in a nice outfit. His sister goes over the top though and takes multiple pictures of my baby during the visit shoving her phone in her face in order to do it. One night she was asleep and his sister took about five pictures all the same!

We've told them not to take so many to which we've been met with them saying what's the problem? she's my niece or whatever I can take as many as I want.

On Christmas day night my baby wasn't feeling well as she had just had her injections a couple of days before and was very clingy and teary. She stopped crying and had a nice few mins of smiles with his sister, mum and myself. Without hesitation his sister got out her phone to take a picture to which I stopped her straight away and said no don't take any pictures. She said sorry but then and went and sat on the other side of the room in a huff.
We had sent everyone a picture in the morning with a sign saying it's my first Christmas so it's not like they didn't have any pictures of her on a special day.

I just hate the fact people think they have a right to do whatever they want with her just just because they are related. Am I being so unreasonable? There are other things going on with his family too but this is the main thing that annoys me and my OH.

OP posts:
pinkstripeycat · 28/12/2016 18:28

My SIL took pics of my newborn DS and my DH (her brother) and 6 weeks later gave them to my inlaws as a Christmas present!!! I was livid as this was also the gift DH and I had for my inlaws (I think more appropriate as he is was our baby). I thought this was really weird of SIL. No one else, including DH, actually seemed to think it was inappropriate on her part and inlaws barely looked at our pics because they were busy thanking her for hers. Really stole our thunder.

xJessica · 28/12/2016 18:34

YABU. I'd hate to think my SIL was coming on here complaining about me taking photos of my niece. There's no harm at all, the baby has a loving family who want to make memories.

Potnoodlewilld0 · 28/12/2016 18:34

YANBU.

The continual snapping would puss me off too. Stand in front of her taking multiple pics and see how she like it.

Ohdearducks · 28/12/2016 18:35

pink that is fucking weird of her, who gifts pictures of someone else's baby? Odd.

MrsC45 · 28/12/2016 18:36

YANBU. It's your baby and it's up to you! I love it when I get a lovely picture of my baby, but on the whole when I go to take a picture of her 1. It interupts whatever task she is doing and 2. The beautiful smile she will have had moments earlier disappears! If she was constantly being photographed then it would annoy her and me! That said you probably have hurt your SIL feelings and she's probably feeling quite excluded, which going forward isn't great. Could you perhaps suggest a compromise of a few posed (flash off) photographs and then let baby get on with whatever baby wants to be getting on with and then agree that any extra photos are taken subject to being wholly unintrusive:- I.e. at a distance that doesn't disturb baby and no flash. I don't mean a long distance lens or anything silly, but a few feet away so baby is not disturbed.

Shona52 · 28/12/2016 18:37

Sorry I don't see your problem with this one. I love family taking pics of my DS means I'm in the pics (which is rare) so I'm greatful. Also they send them into me and some are great. My friend is extremely good and some of my best pics are from what she has taken.

mummylove2monsters · 28/12/2016 18:38

I'd find it really annoying- your baby you don't have to justify why you want to limit photos xxxxx particularly if they put them on Facebook as a; you don't know all their friends and b; you don't know who can share them .
YANBU xxxxx

123yourusername · 28/12/2016 18:43

YABU- When my ds was in intensive care from an hour old with tubes and drips everywhere I was pretty unimpressed with the pictures of him like that all over facebook uploaded by his auntie which I didn't find till weeks later, but I didn't mind her or any other visitors taking pics at all - just didn't fancy them plastered all over facebook.

BertrandRussell · 28/12/2016 18:46

But the OP's baby isn't in Intrnsive care............

WeatherwaxOrOgg · 28/12/2016 19:09

the thing with aibu is that you ask for opinions 'and ask aibu then you say 'i don't care what you say' when people give and opinion, why ask then ?

I think it's the way people reply on AIBU.

Why can't anyone say kindly that they think the OP is BU, if that's their opinion. It doesn't make sense why many of you feel the need to go for the neck.

Most of us wouldn't speak to anyone so harshly face to face, so why here. It's just so mean :(

erchissick · 28/12/2016 19:10

I agree with you. I'd be pissed off with people constantly shoving a phone or a camera in my baby's face. And yes, when other people take them, you don't know where they might end up.

This wasn't done before cell phones so widely available so why should mom accept it now? OP, I would say your baby, your rules. Stick to your guns.

SantaPleaseBringMeEwanMcGregor · 28/12/2016 20:12

YANBU. It's your child, and if you don't want someone treating them like a constant photo op, they should respect that.

tigercub50 · 28/12/2016 20:53

Blimey, people can be pretty blunt on here! Is there really any need for " You are being a dick"?! I am somewhere in the middle, I think. It's really nice that she cares but I would get a bit annoyed with how many photos are being taken. We do live in a society where a lot of folks feel the need to record everything instead of just enjoying the moment. I would be tactful but raise the subject & have a chat - she might be on her phone so much generally that she doesn't realise just how intrusive it can be Smile

silky1985 · 28/12/2016 21:03

i am with you on this I would hate someone to keep taking photos of my child and I would also ask her what she does with the photos she takes as she could be putting them on social media and god only knows who is sharing them or using them. its your child you are the only person who has the right to photograph them. I also thinks its very strange how we must look at life through a lens maybe give her the baby to hold and suggest you hold her phone lol

ruthjone · 28/12/2016 21:05

My MIL used to take hundreds of photos of my first. She used to look after her one day a week and would spend all day dressing her up in all sorts of outfits just for the photo. She even took photos of her when she was ill. We eventually asked her to stop after she came over to babysit and got our baby up and dressed her up in outfits for more photos. She took great offence when we asked her not to take so many. When our second arrived, she refused to take not a single photo. Her loss I guess but I think some people just love taking photos!!

CoteDAzur · 28/12/2016 22:36

How dare he take photos of her grandchild. Bravo for having told her off. Good for you.

"When our second arrived, she refused to take not a single photo"

Well done.

CurbsideProphet · 28/12/2016 22:40

A lot of posters are projecting on this thread. The OP isn't proposing to keep the family members from seeing the baby, she merely wants them to stop taking continual photos and actually interact with the baby.

AldrinJustice · 29/12/2016 01:01

Wow some of you are such bitches Hmm

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 29/12/2016 01:11

My MIL used to take hundreds of photos of my first. She used to look after her one day a week and would spend all day dressing her up in all sorts of outfits just for the photo

So you're happy to offload your child on to her a day a week but have conditions on photo taking during that day? I'd be pretty pissed off too and wouldn't fancy taking pictures of the second one.

Cubtrouble · 29/12/2016 12:53

😂😂😂😂 this thread is hilarious.

LookingforMaryPoppins · 29/12/2016 12:55

I think you are incredibly lucky they want to take photos and take that much interest in her. Particularly given you are clearly not very pleasant to them.

What's the problem? How does it hurt you / your baby?

Count your blessings and get over your (unreasonable) irritation!

Potnoodlewilld0 · 29/12/2016 14:32

curb post is very sensible

happybee1 · 29/12/2016 14:41

I have a strict no social media policy for my kids photos, it's not popular with my In laws but my choice.
Op, as you have said there are other issues so maybe you all need to sort them out as I think they are affecting you negatively and that is why you find the photo thing such a big deal. I hope you sort it out for your sons sake. My in laws saw my kids at Christmas, first time in about 2 years so I hope you don't have a similar rift. Good luck x

JustWoman · 29/12/2016 15:38

You're getting a hard time OP, but are taking it well :)

You're allowed different rules for you than others and you're allowed to be precious sometimes, I was myself. If the family love her as much as it sounds they will still love her just as much without taking tons of photos.

I tried sending you a PM, but wanted to say I wish I'd spoke up to my dad, I didn't stop him taking photos but asked him not to post on FB, I'm not in there but found out he did, he didn't bother us much as kids, and didn't bother with dd much, but having photos that show him as a great grandad was important to him, as dd got older she didn't like having photos taken, he'd complain that she wasn't girly and I should put her in dresses even though she didn't like them, and yes, he ignored food requests too and tried to give her a happy meal at three months old and threw the most ridiculous strop when I stopped him.

My dad was controlling and nasty though, I could write a list a mile long, so my experience prob makes me bias.

A genuine loving family will humour you and not take photos, they may laugh a bit about daft it is behind your back. You're a new mum, finding your way with your new baby , you're allowed to be precious sometimes, my family (apart from dad) take the piss out of me and how I was when dd was first born. They were never nasty or huffy at the time, would help when needed without interfering or taking over.

Enjoy your baby OP, and while you may sound a bit precious, you're not weird or odd....

CoteDAzur · 29/12/2016 17:18

"If the family love her as much as it sounds they will still love her just as much without taking tons of photos"

Her, yes. OP, not so much.

"You can't take photos of your niece/granddaughter because it annoys ME and she's MY baby so my feelings are all that count" isn't likely to encourage the in-laws to love OP.