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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Stop taking pictures of my baby!

238 replies

jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 16:01

My OH's family are starting to really annoy me....Mostly his sister. Every time we see them one or more of them they take pictures of my baby. Now I don't mind the odd picture being taken to create memories and we send them pictures almost every day if she's doing something new or in a nice outfit. His sister goes over the top though and takes multiple pictures of my baby during the visit shoving her phone in her face in order to do it. One night she was asleep and his sister took about five pictures all the same!

We've told them not to take so many to which we've been met with them saying what's the problem? she's my niece or whatever I can take as many as I want.

On Christmas day night my baby wasn't feeling well as she had just had her injections a couple of days before and was very clingy and teary. She stopped crying and had a nice few mins of smiles with his sister, mum and myself. Without hesitation his sister got out her phone to take a picture to which I stopped her straight away and said no don't take any pictures. She said sorry but then and went and sat on the other side of the room in a huff.
We had sent everyone a picture in the morning with a sign saying it's my first Christmas so it's not like they didn't have any pictures of her on a special day.

I just hate the fact people think they have a right to do whatever they want with her just just because they are related. Am I being so unreasonable? There are other things going on with his family too but this is the main thing that annoys me and my OH.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 27/12/2016 18:48

Don't we all love an AIBU thread where OP goes "Say what you want, I don't care" Grin

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 18:49

I think HV was right to say put your foot down as so many families do cross boundaries - but I don't think your ILs are one of them.

How old is DD OP and is your SIL very old? Does she put pics on social media against your wishes?

I agree with others this precious phase will soon die off and they still be her family, you'll realise how crucial they are when it comes to second children, babysitting, when cousins come along etc so don't set a precedent now for being one of those mothers - you'll soon complain when they're not bothering with you!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 18:51

Cote the best thing about these kind of threads is when posters compare newborns or babies to adults. I have seen, on a "AIBU to not want my baby passed round" type post people say "I wouldn't like being carried from person to person without my consent" Grin the mind boggles!

triskellionoflegs · 27/12/2016 18:53

Maybe think of something new to learn, or a way you can help someone to give yourself something to occupy your mind? - this seems like taking offence for the sake of there being nothing else to bother about.

HandbagCrab · 27/12/2016 18:55

There's some nasty posts on here, you are talking about someone's baby, not a tabloid celebrity - yesterday's chip paper indeed!

pipsqueak25 · 27/12/2016 18:58

the thing with aibu is that you ask for opinions 'and ask aibu then you say 'i don't care what you say' when people give and opinion, why ask then ?

user1480946351 · 27/12/2016 19:00

and she said it's ok for me to say no as I am her mother

So you get to control what other people do in their own homes? Taking a photo is not touching your baby, or harming, or affecting her in any way at all. They are just pointing a camera/phone in her direction. You cannot stop them, you have no right to.

It's not hard to understand that no means no is it?

It's not hard to understand that you can say no to a lot of things but you can't force people to care whether you like it or not, and you can't force other people to do as you want.

pipsqueak25 · 27/12/2016 19:03

cherry is right, when another baby comes along the attention will pass on mass to them, so just be warned, 2nd,3rd, 4th and over babies have far less photos taken, have probably got a million pics of #1 and only got about 12 pics of #6 Grin

TwoGunslingers · 27/12/2016 19:06

Unfortunately it's the age we live in. You should get over it.

DeleteOrDecay · 27/12/2016 19:06

But you do care op otherwise you wouldn't have posted in the first place. Sounds to me like you just wanted people to agree with you and validate your feelings. That's not how mn works.

Islacornx · 27/12/2016 19:09

YANBU!!
I hate this, DPs family insist that we take DD over in a dress near enough every time we visit (once a week at least) so they can take lots of photos of her. I don't mind the odd few but at times they turn it into a full on photo shoot and it's just ridiculous! Especially when my DD starts getting irritable and doesn't want to sit still any longer. She's nearly 8 months btw so doesn't really want to sit still for ages. I absolutely hate it when they have the flash on as well and then all laugh afterwards when my DD pulls a funny face after it's flashed in her eyes Angry They also refuse to send us any of the photos they take on their phones and won't print us out copies of photos they've took on their camera, even though I've asked twice now.. if they got some good photos of my DD I would like them HmmHmm
Have to just get on with it unfortunately for the sake of DP not wanting to upset his family, although when it's upsetting DD I just take her out the way.
So I totally understand how you feel when it's constant photo after photo! A few each time are fine but when it's A LOT it's just ridiculous and unnecessary!

vonny81 · 27/12/2016 19:11

YNBU

I found my in-laws like that, it's really hard to explain, I found them intrusive with everything, I had no privacy, and it's kind of the lack of respect rather than the actual picture taking. Found myself getting uptight about everything. I have paid for multiple photo shoots and they want the biggest blown up copy so they turn their living room into a shrine for him.
Stick to your guns your baby your choice

RortyCrankle · 27/12/2016 19:17

Assuming that your SIL is doing this out of love for your child and is not going to make a fast buck selling the pics, perhaps you could chill a little bit. There are horrendous things happening in the word every day and your SIL taking lots of picks doesn't even reach the bottom of the list.

Original poster
jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 19:21

I do understand that people have different views but where will it end? If they don't listen to us when we say don't take so many pictures then it'll be easy for them to not listen when she's older and we don't want her eating certain things? It's all about respecting our wishes as her parents. I understand that they are family too but at the end of the day it's our decision.

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 27/12/2016 19:25

This would irritate me too, but I know that's completely irrational and unreasonable so I'd keep quiet about it.

I'm just so fed up of not being able to go anywhere without fucking smartphones pointed all over the place that I've developed an irritation with taking photos and talking on the phone in general.

Like I said, my problem so I'd keep it to myself...

CoteDAzur · 27/12/2016 19:26

"If they don't listen to us when we say don't take so many pictures then it'll be easy for them to not listen when she's older and we don't want her eating certain things?"

So you are... training them?

You are not training them to respect your wishes. You are just pissing them off for no good reason.

TwoGunslingers · 27/12/2016 19:26

You're being precious. A photo does her no damage and unless you can explain your objection in a coherent fashion to them it's likely they just think you're being a twat when you throw a strop over photos being taken. You've no reason to think they would ignore serious requests like not feeding her sugar for dinner. Xmas Biscuit

KeptOnRaining · 27/12/2016 19:29

WTAF?

It's a PHOTO what harm is it doing exactly?

RichardBucket · 27/12/2016 19:29

You've no reason to think they would ignore serious requests like not feeding her sugar for dinner.

To be fair, I think the requests are more likely going to be "Don't feed her anything not hand-grown in certified organic farms by blind virgin nuns". Just a hunch.

Trifleorbust · 27/12/2016 19:29

Agreed, it's your decision.

Dawndonnaagain · 27/12/2016 19:31

It's all about respecting our wishes as her parents. I understand that they are family too but at the end of the day it's our decision.
Only it isn't really, is it. It's all about you and your completely over the top decision. If you choose for her to be vegetarian, then I'm sure those wishes will be respected, but photos, you're being ridiculous and the rest of the family can see that.

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2016 19:33

Yeah pick your battles OP.
Don't wean my kid on McD's at 5 months. OK
No photographs. None. Not at all. You're invading her personal space. Crazy!

Candlestickchick · 27/12/2016 19:33

I understand that they are family too but at the end of the day it's our decision.

Yes it is your decision but this particular decision makes you precious at best, and nasty and controlling at worst.

If you were requesting them not to do something that harmed her e.g. Smoke around her or drive drunk with her in the car, absolutely fair enough but this is just gratuitously throwing their love for her back in their faces. There is zero welfare issue here at all.

You sound like a miserable and ungrateful nightmare. I'm not usually this harsh but I cannot believe the way you are acting.

If there are other issues with them then that's different but if it was relevant to this issues you should have included it.

Original poster
jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 19:33

To be fair, I think the requests are more likely going to be "Don't feed her anything not hand-grown in certified organic farms by blind virgin nuns". Just a hunch.

Actually I was thinking about giving her too much sugar but you've given me a good idea so thanks for that Wink

OP posts:
RichardBucket · 27/12/2016 19:35

Elliejane92 Ha, you're welcome!

Be careful on restricting sugar, too. Those kids are the ones who live in the pic'n'mix section of shops the moment they're allowed out on their own.