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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Stop taking pictures of my baby!

238 replies

jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 16:01

My OH's family are starting to really annoy me....Mostly his sister. Every time we see them one or more of them they take pictures of my baby. Now I don't mind the odd picture being taken to create memories and we send them pictures almost every day if she's doing something new or in a nice outfit. His sister goes over the top though and takes multiple pictures of my baby during the visit shoving her phone in her face in order to do it. One night she was asleep and his sister took about five pictures all the same!

We've told them not to take so many to which we've been met with them saying what's the problem? she's my niece or whatever I can take as many as I want.

On Christmas day night my baby wasn't feeling well as she had just had her injections a couple of days before and was very clingy and teary. She stopped crying and had a nice few mins of smiles with his sister, mum and myself. Without hesitation his sister got out her phone to take a picture to which I stopped her straight away and said no don't take any pictures. She said sorry but then and went and sat on the other side of the room in a huff.
We had sent everyone a picture in the morning with a sign saying it's my first Christmas so it's not like they didn't have any pictures of her on a special day.

I just hate the fact people think they have a right to do whatever they want with her just just because they are related. Am I being so unreasonable? There are other things going on with his family too but this is the main thing that annoys me and my OH.

OP posts:
Footinmouthasusual · 27/12/2016 17:42

Wait until you have baby 4 and your sil has her first..

You will be old chip paper op. Enjoy the fun of your bag now as part of a loving interested and ok maybe a tad OTT family.

The more love and interest your baby has around her the better.

You will alienate your sil and then your inlaws. Relax honestly they Will calm down as she gets less new.

Libitina · 27/12/2016 17:42

You actually spoke to your HV about this

Over the christmas period too?

VeryBitchyRestingFace · 27/12/2016 17:45

Oh and I have told my HV about it and she said it's normal so for all of you suggesting I have mental issues you are wrong smile

Ach well, at least you'll have given the HV a good laugh.

Every cloud... Xmas Hmm

Footinmouthasusual · 27/12/2016 17:46

Are you sure your HV wasn't telling you it's normal for faniiies to take photos of family babies.

SheldonCRules · 27/12/2016 17:47

Takes PFB to a new level, daily photos and a Christmas call to the HV to see if it's ok for relatives to take pictures or not. Gives them something to talk about in the office Grin

riceuten · 27/12/2016 17:48

There are better things to get concerned about, to be brutally honest with you. This may not be what you want to hear, but there it is.

CoteDAzur · 27/12/2016 17:48

YABU. You are her mother, but you don't own her. She is your SIL's niece. The relationship between them is independent of your relationship with your daughter. Why should your SIL not love her, be proud of her, and want to take her pictures?

TheWoodlander · 27/12/2016 17:50

YABU. I can't actually believe this is a serious thread.

Hopefulnewbie · 27/12/2016 17:52

I get this
My SIL is the same.. Doesn't really make an effort to see the baby but then when she's round, constantly taking photos to plaster on social media.. Then is glued to her phone, so doesn't actually spend any time with the baby but on Facebook is auntie of the year... grrrr it does annoy me but I doubt I'd actually say anything as its not worth the fall out and not doing any harm.

kastiekastie · 27/12/2016 17:52

It can feel a bit intrusive if it's constant though can't it? I'm guessing she doesn't have her own kids and dotes on yours. Kind of sweet, kind of annoying ;-)
I was that aunty once though and I would have been a bit hurt and maybe embarassed if I was asked to stop.
You could ping her an email saying sorry didn't mean to offend, it's just you prefer... and then explain what it was. Good luck :-)

TheGrumpySquirrel · 27/12/2016 17:53

Can't believe people are being so mean to the OP! There is really no need to be so spiteful.

I would feel annoyed / protective as well with the constant photo taking. YANBU.

TheWitTank · 27/12/2016 18:05

Grin at the HV comment! I did actually laugh out loud at HV opinion being gospel. Brilliant.
It's up to you at the end of the day op. I personally think it's a bit bonkers. If your baby is asleep and SIL takes ten pictures what harm is it doing? I would try and loosen up a bit.

TheWitTank · 27/12/2016 18:07

Also, perhaps SIL is getting mixed messages. Daily photos of baby but not allowed to take photos when she wants.

ollieplimsoles · 27/12/2016 18:14

I get it op, I really do.

Last Christmas, my DD was 8 weeks old. Everyone wanted a piece of her and I was pushed aside. I didn't like it at all and wanted her all to myself, I hate my mil as well so it was awful having to share something so precious with people I didn't like.

But things will calm down, I think you should spend some time alone with her of you have had a busy Christmas, then you will feel better about having to share her on the odd occasion, and that feeling does go.

Sugarpiehoneyeye · 27/12/2016 18:26

OP, yes, she is your precious, darling baby daughter, and I understand that, I really do. You are a great Mummy, she's a lucky little girl.
But, and here's the thing, they love her too, very much, by the sounds of it.
Don't discourage that bond Sweet, we never know what will befate us, the more people who genuinely love our children, the better.
God forbid anything should ever happen, but please, let them love her.

Xmasbaby11 · 27/12/2016 18:28

I sort of understand but you're overreacting. Babies are gorgeous and seem to change so quickly. As a new parent I often took 10 photos of my newborn asleep and I'm pretty sure my friends did too! It's good your family are so interested. Dd has two sets of uncle and aunts and neither takes photos when they see her.

Wolfiefan · 27/12/2016 18:30

Please let the HV start a thread. Oh please!
So it's intrusive to take a picture but picking her up of constantly interacting with the baby is ok?!Confused
Babies are tiny for such a short time. They want pictures. I can't see the issue.

pipsqueak25 · 27/12/2016 18:30

there seems to be a lot of 'my baby' in your post, your dp isn't the father then i guess, failing that it seems you don't rate his family too much ?

coconutpie · 27/12/2016 18:32

YANBU. How would you all feel with a camera shoved in your face every 5 seconds? You'd all get pretty pissed off. A baby is no different.

DailyFail1 · 27/12/2016 18:36

You sound really controlling, OP, but that is normal when you have just given birth & that is prob what the HV was referring to. Not your actual opinion about photos which is ridiculous. Like others have said, when your sil has her baby it's likely your in laws will prob be all over them as in laws tend to do around daughters. Enjoy it while it lasts.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2016 18:36

They sound way OTT but then so do you if you 'send them photos nearly every single day'.

I think you all need to calm down.

The sky won't fall in if you manage to go a whole week without pointing a camera at the baby.

WorraLiberty · 27/12/2016 18:38

And yes, I do think it's more of a control issue with the OP.

You're 'shoving the camera in her face' every day but no-one else can?

Evennumberonthevolume · 27/12/2016 18:41

Is this a Princess Diana and paparazzi situation? If not then you're being ridiculous Confused

Original poster
jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 18:43

The last time my HV came round she asked if anything was stressing me out and I told her of the whole situation (that I haven't spoken about on here, this is just the tip of the iceberg) and she said it's ok for me to say no as I am her mother and shouldn't bottle my feelings up because that would cause an even worse problem.

I haven't mentioned my partner as he agrees with me and is annoyed this is family don't respect our wishes.

It's not hard to understand that no means no is it?

So if that makes me controlling then I guess I am and I honestly don't care so say whatever you want.

OP posts:
CoteDAzur · 27/12/2016 18:44

"How would you all feel with a camera shoved in your face every 5 seconds? You'd all get pretty pissed off. A baby is no different"

A baby doesn't even know what a camera is. Get a grip.