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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU Stop taking pictures of my baby!

238 replies

jammydodger92 · 27/12/2016 16:01

My OH's family are starting to really annoy me....Mostly his sister. Every time we see them one or more of them they take pictures of my baby. Now I don't mind the odd picture being taken to create memories and we send them pictures almost every day if she's doing something new or in a nice outfit. His sister goes over the top though and takes multiple pictures of my baby during the visit shoving her phone in her face in order to do it. One night she was asleep and his sister took about five pictures all the same!

We've told them not to take so many to which we've been met with them saying what's the problem? she's my niece or whatever I can take as many as I want.

On Christmas day night my baby wasn't feeling well as she had just had her injections a couple of days before and was very clingy and teary. She stopped crying and had a nice few mins of smiles with his sister, mum and myself. Without hesitation his sister got out her phone to take a picture to which I stopped her straight away and said no don't take any pictures. She said sorry but then and went and sat on the other side of the room in a huff.
We had sent everyone a picture in the morning with a sign saying it's my first Christmas so it's not like they didn't have any pictures of her on a special day.

I just hate the fact people think they have a right to do whatever they want with her just just because they are related. Am I being so unreasonable? There are other things going on with his family too but this is the main thing that annoys me and my OH.

OP posts:
CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 23:15

Quite likely to be another pushy in law trying to make themselves feel better about themselves!

My eldest is 3 so will be a while before I'm an IL. Lots of people are dicks about BFing - I should know, i BF DD for 3 years and people acted like I was giving her heroin -but not sure what is has to do with wanting a picture on the wall, that's very normal behaviour for grandparents!

GimbleInTheWabe · 27/12/2016 23:17

YANBU. Weirdly I had this convo with my DP today. We don't have any DC yet but are going to TTC in 2017. Neither of us use social media (even though we're both in our 20s) and we both agreed we would find it annoying if our families wanted to take a load of pics. My sister especially loves to pose for pics and make OTT and attention seeking statements on her social media and I can totally see her doing this with the baby if we have one.

You do what feels right for you. If you don't like it - say so!

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 27/12/2016 23:17

I must be a weird sub-species of mother, not only did I let my ILs take pictures of DD, I also let strangers cuddle her! I loved that they wanted to, to me she was so gorgeous it almost baffles me that people had the audacity to pass her by and not insist on cuddles or comment on how gorgeous she was Grin

TheLegendOfBeans · 27/12/2016 23:21

When I wanted a baby of my own (only hurdle at that time was realising my then H was not the man to have them with) my "love" for my friends babies and also nephews really climbed. Their babies fascinated me, and I really saw their "cuteness" for the first time. it was like I had all this love for kids "ready to go" and nowhere to put it.

Cut to this year and my DD arrived in Feb and it all made sense. All that "overflowing" love I had then is focused on my baby now...it's still there for the other wee ones but the fascination factor has faded now I've got a baby of my own to stare at and cuddle for hours

So perhaps the OP might need to think about it that way...that the child's aunt (?) is just full of adoration and fascination at the child as maybe she's ready for one herself?

Be kind OP. Be kind.

ollieplimsoles · 27/12/2016 23:23

Op you have been really unfairly slated on here for no reason. I totally understand and feel free to message me for a chat if you like Flowers

A poster said this upthread: Felt like nothing I said mattered and everyone was going to do what they want with my baby because they are related.

This is very true, especially with your first. When I was pregnant every one just clamoured around, couldn't wait to give me 'advice' on feeding, dressing, sleeping, crying, you name it. Then I was totally pushed aside and disrespected because these family members had a 'right to a relationship' with my baby. Well you can fucking wait, the baby is still only tiny and you don't need to start making your precious memories just yet.

Badhairday1001 · 27/12/2016 23:24

Some things my SIL and PIL do with my children really annoy me. But I just tell my self that they love the kids and just do things differently. Trust me from teaching for a long time, the more people around your kid who loves them the better, not every child has this.

HopelesslydevotedtoGu · 27/12/2016 23:32

I understand why you find it annoying op

Really surprised at the slating you've had

Too frequent photos can be irritating and intrusive

it's normal to take a few photos during your visit, but I'm imaging SIL having her camera out most of the time snapping pics and not really talking or interacting properly, that would be really annoying

Smitff · 27/12/2016 23:32

This is a whole new level of control freakery for me. I've never heard anything so completely ridiculous.

Continue like this OP and you will end up extremely lonely.

If you fear what DD's family are going to be like about stuff other than photos, I truly fear what you're going to be like when your DD starts having opinions and views that differ from yours. I think you have some growing up to do and some perspective to gain.

vonny81 · 27/12/2016 23:43

Cherry I agree, a picture, but it's not a competition. I'll also let you into another story, I dropped my phone down the loo when baby was 10 days old. I lost everything and I mean everything, all my pregnancy pics, every Wednesday I stood in the same place and had a pic. Videos of my belly moving, all my baby's first pictures, first bath. I don't own a single pic with his umbilical clamp on or anything. It makes me really sad. They promised they would send me all theirs..... Can you guess how many I received??!!
We used their 1980's camcorder for the first few months. It took me almost a year for them to give me a copy.
Ollie you are spot on!! All the unwanted advice I thought I could shrug off but there's only so much a person can take. It doesn't get any better as they get older. My little boy is so loving and outgoing and confident, he gets a bit giddy and stroppy when everyone is pulling him about n grabbing etc at family gatherings, he started throwing things and hitting out over Xmas.... Now the opinions are coming out, Ahhh they must be letting him just run loose at nursery, Oooo isn't he violent! I tell ya one of these days someone is gonna get assaulted with a chair!
But jokes asside the slating of the precious mummy brigade is not called for, people need to learn when to back off

PerditaNitt · 27/12/2016 23:59

In circumstances where the photographs are taken in a way that is irritating to the baby (in the example you gave about photos post injections when baby may have been grizzly or stressed), then YANBU.

My LO can get overwhelmed at big family gatherings when lots of people want to take photos and keep calling out his name and making lots of noise to get his attention and using flash; I am so grateful for all the admiration he receives (he is the first baby in the extended family for years), but when I see him getting overwhelmed I pretend he needs a nappy change and take him away for half an hour to rest before it starts again Smile

If your SIL isn't going to stop, why not ask her to make you a photobook with all the best photos -that way you will at least have something positive to look forward to and instead you may start to enjoy her taking the photos (make sure she takes lots with you in them too - one day you will look back and be grateful for them)

wictional · 28/12/2016 00:24

Has it occurred to anyone that whilst someone may take ~50 pictures, they might also delete 48 of them and keep the best ones?
I understand that your SIL might be a little intrusive, OP, and yanbu in not wanting a camera shoved in your baby's face all the time, but I think YABVU to forbid her from taking pictures of her DN. she's probably really excited and you've made her feel rubbish about that. I'd be really upset if I were your SIL!

december10th · 28/12/2016 00:37

IF they are close enough for you to bother bombard them with pics if your pfb on a daily basis, surely they are close enough to be allowed to take photos

december10th · 28/12/2016 00:37

IF they are close enough for you to bother bombard them with pics if your pfb on a daily basis, surely they are close enough to be allowed to take photos

CurbsideProphet · 28/12/2016 09:37

Why does anyone need to take continual photos of a little baby? I find it v odd. It seems that they want photo after photo to show off to people that they are the best auntie / grandma etc instead of actually interacting with the baby.

VioletRoar · 28/12/2016 09:42

Hmmm I have a sneaking suspicion I'd find it irritating too op! Constant photo taking drives me mad, but I can't put my finger on why! curbside summarises my general view well!
I think yanbu

ScarletSienna · 28/12/2016 10:33

I cannot believe her SIL is taking continual photos...

Only1scoop · 28/12/2016 11:13

Photos of other people's babies are so bloody boring even those I'm related to.

whattodowiththepoo · 28/12/2016 11:18

Can't believe how many people agree with OP

Only1scoop · 28/12/2016 11:24

Certainly don't agree with Op. Bet her HV has a little chuckle at the PFB syndrome.

Reebs123 · 28/12/2016 17:41

I think YABU. But then everything my SIL annoys me. But If your SIL was putting the pictures on FB then yes mention that. But if I wasn't allowed to take photos of my own nieces & nephews that would be really OTT of my SILs.

worrierandwine · 28/12/2016 18:07

Here to defend you OP, YANBU. Completely normal to feel protective towards your baby and someone shoving a camera in their face every 5 mins is part of that. Cameras are intrusive - just ask the celebrities Grin I would be annoyed too if it is as much as you say. A few quick snaps is acceptable but you describe overkill so stick to your guns.

AlexRose5 · 28/12/2016 18:21

Hmmmm OP...
You have problems with people grabbing photos of your child but you're sending them photos that you've taken yourself?
So you can't be THAT concerned about how it's affecting your baby ? Hmm
I imagine there's a little bit more to this?
If your husbands susterbisbpytting them on social media without your say so then that's one thing, but I imagine she doesn't see any difference with you sticking a camera in the baby's face or her doing it.....

AlexRose5 · 28/12/2016 18:22
  • husbands sister is putting them on social media
alexhurton1994 · 28/12/2016 18:25

I know how you feel! My OH mum spends 90% of the time clicking away with her camera like a fly. Especially when she knows I hate having my photo done. The odd photo here and there yes fine, but constant snapping is so irritating!

Carriecakes80 · 28/12/2016 18:27

Yeppers, YABU! I love it when my SIL takes loads of pics of my babies! Makes me proud! I had no Aunties or Uncles or took the slightest bit of interest in me when I was little, they couldn't care less if I lived or died, so thank the Heavens your little one has family who cares enough to WANT fifty thousand pics of little Jemima or Jerimiah as they are sleeping! They are the best kind of family!

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