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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

244 replies

onemumtwocountries · 26/12/2016 16:48

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

OP posts:
Melassa · 27/12/2016 00:53

I agree bedtimes are far too early in the UK, as are dinner times. We also eat at around 8pm and bedtime is around 9.30pm. When DC was little it was a 7pm dinner followed by an 8pm bedtime, and we kept that up until 7, when it crept to 8.30pm then gradually later.

School in Italy starts 8.30am for primary and 7.50am for secondary, the latter being only until 1.30pm-ish plus a ton of homework in the afternoons. 😬😡, plus extra curricular activities, some of which don't finish until 8pm for the older kids.

Children here are just as rested as their UK counterparts, so I don't think there's a physiological necessity for going to bed earlier. I work ft so it's nice to have time to chat (the only time DC gets to speak English) and to pull a nice meal together rather than just bung some pasta in a pan.

I know some of my English rellies have been a bit shocked by us eating after their DC have gone to bed, but coincidentally they're also the ones with DC who wake up at dawn. Also the fact we never had separate mealtimes but ate all together. There just seems to be a rush to feed the DC to get them off to bed asap, whereas we have always eaten as a family and DC gets the same as we're having and not processed "child friendly" food. That's a whole other thread though. "Children's food" and kids' menus in restaurants...

Araminta99 · 27/12/2016 01:31

I agree bedtimes are far too early in U.K. Kids just don't need that much sleep. School starts earlier than in the U.K. In other European countries but they usually have a later bedtime than here because the kids actually don't need to sleep 12 hours.

To those who say their kid wouldn't stay up later: a routine takes a while to get in place, I'm sure your DC would adapt given time and not be teary or grumpy.

Children who go to bed really early and sleep for 12 hours just don't get as much stimulation as other children as they are sleeping for half of the day. I do find it sad personally that families don't share the evening meal together as it's the best bonding time to be all together.

RhodaBorrocks · 27/12/2016 01:34

I have Spanish family and always preferred their way of doing things. The children seem like so much more a part of the family by being able to stay up and participate.

I compromised and let DS set his own routine and he was an 8-8 sleeper from birth to about 8 years old. He's now 9 and is an 8:30/9-8 sleeper. But when it comes to family or special occasions we just keep going until he tires. We were at a family wedding when he was around 5 and another family member had a similarly aged child and was moaning about how 'we'd' have to leave early to 'keep them in their routines'. I looked at her like she had two heads and said me and DS were leaving when we were partied out! We were all around the breakfast table in the morning at the same time.

We all do things that suit us best. Me and DS aren't really morning people, but when we're up, we're up. I'm very much a night owl, so our routine suits us.

DancingDragon · 27/12/2016 01:38

It doesn't matter what time my dc go to bed, they always wake around 7am. So in term time I insist they go to bed early (otherwise they are tired and grumpy at school). In holiday time I'm not so fussed and they don't have a set bed time. (Still wake early though)

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 01:43

Never subscribed to the standard UK 7-7. Our night owl babies came to restaurants and parties practically from birth and had lots of time with us of an evening. It's still my favourite time of day.

DS (6) went to bed at about 10pm tonight. During school he's not usually asleep till around 9pm. As babies I had to wake them for baby classes at 11am (and they often went back to sleep during them). Can't fault it. The Uk's children are some of the unhappiest in the world. Can't help but think part of it is that their parents seem to want shot of them come 7pm at night.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 01:44

They've also seen every new year in since birth.

Pluto30 · 27/12/2016 01:52

I often wonder how kids in the US etc. cope when they don't go to bed until 10pm or so and then have to be at school at 8am.

My kids (7, 5.5 and 20mo) are in bed at 7pm, and are awake between 6am and 7am. I wake up before them and go to bed after them. It's great. We get a good 2-3 hours at night to ourselves.

My kids wake up early regardless of what time they go to bed, and they are foul if they haven't had enough sleep.

Pluto30 · 27/12/2016 01:54

Also, none of mine have napped past age 2. My 20mo doesn't nap anymore, with the exception of falling asleep in the car.

I do think there's a more nap-central culture in other countries, so maybe it works for them.

waitingforsomething · 27/12/2016 02:13

I live in Asia where children go to bed much later, but nap in the day until they are 6 or 7 years old. It works out as the same amount of sleep usually - I choose roughly 7-7 as my kids need a lot of sleep and don't get up later if I put them to bed later, but I knocked naps on the head by 2.5 for DD and will do the same for DS.

pregnantat50 · 27/12/2016 02:17

Im from the UK and my 3 were all late sleepers, not for the want of me trying though. My eldest who is now 27 still goes to bed really late but is up at a normal time, I think patterns are different for some. I also find it hard to switch off at night (hence being on here at this time!)

I went through all the bedtime routines with my first, and have memories of him clambering out of his cot/bed at about 2.5 and throwing toy after toy down the stairs over his child gate (I was ignoring him as advised by other mums) he started with the soft toys but then bricks and trains were bouncing down the stairs, he just wasnt tired, so I let him stay up later and then he went to sleep, anything before 10pm was too early for him, he was bouncing around and full of beans no matter what I tried

WetsTheFinger · 27/12/2016 02:17

Yes it is true. But in my country we have lighter evenings and much nicer weather, so there is more to do generally in evenings. For a good portion of the year here in England you are in darkness from half 4 so it makes sense to sleep earlier and then get up earlier I think? And things are a lot more relaxed in a lot of other countries when it comes to children's routines.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 02:22

For a good portion of the year here in England you are in darkness from half 4 so it makes sense to sleep earlier and then get up earlier I think?

WTF? It's a couple of weeks, tops. (You meant Britain, right?)

Hellooooitsme · 27/12/2016 02:24

I don't get then how children in the uk need more sleep (they can't do can they?) or how children around the world go to bed later but have to be at school earlier Confused.

Also what on earth are young children doing until 9 or 10pm at night? I find the evenings after school 3-8ish really long as it is.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 02:34

Playing, reading, dancing, drawing, playing board games.......

Brokenbiscuit · 27/12/2016 02:34

I agree, OP. I'm British, but lived abroad for years and DH is not from the UK. I have never understood why people moan about their early-waking dc yet insisted on putting them to bed really early.

I think it links back to the "children should be seen but not heard" culture that we had years ago. Lots of parents seem keen to ensure that they have plenty of child-free time in the evenings. Personally, I enjoy my dd's company, so her bedtime is based only on her need for sleep, and not on my need to have some time without her.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 02:35

Schools elsewherer day rath startand finish earlier, leaving time for an afternoon nap. Humans work better with 2 sleep sessions or

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 02:36

Sorry - non apple charger makes my phone do odd things.

Should say:

Schools elsewhere start and finish earlier, leaving time for an afternoon nap. Humans work better with 2 sleep sessions per day rather than one.

waitingforsomething · 27/12/2016 02:43

Hecantbeserious - my 4 year old human certainly doesn't! (me neither). If she sleeps in the day she is groggy and miserable until it is time for her to sleep again. She won't eat after a nap no matter on the length of this and just throws herself around and is generally unpleasant. She is MUCH better with one single block of sleep of around 12 hours.
Even as a baby she was a grouch after naps until she stopped them and was happier without one. Everyone's different - early bedtimes and little or no napping works in our house for happier children.

Zoflorabore · 27/12/2016 03:05

Interesting, my dd is almost 6 and can sleep for England, great at the weekend but it's hell trying to get her up for school.

When she was in nursery we ended up switching to afternoons as she was terrible waking up, I'm up at the crack of dawn and have everything ready for school.

Ds is almost 14 and he gets up at 7 for school despite sometimes not dropping off until 10/11 which is something that needs addressing.

Both of my dc slept from a week old and I know I'm very lucky for that but now it's coming back to bite me on the arse.

Lots of changes needed here as dd's teacher spoke to me just before they broke up and said her concentration is poor at the minute and she is moody at home, we have realised that the iPad time needs drastically reducing, teacher looked a bit horrified that dd has it in bed ( and here's us wondering why she won't settle) Blush

So I think that routine has a massive part in sleep, ours has slipped. Dd sometimes falls asleep at 9/9.30 and it's too late.

Her best friend's mum told me her dd is in bed at 6.15 every night...

Sorry for long postGrin

FourKidsNotCrazyYet · 27/12/2016 03:17

Who really puts their kids to bed because 'it's what we do in the UK'? That's a very strange assumption. I'm a SAHM, I put my youngest to bed at 7:15 the. Read three stories and sit with him if he asks. Downstairs by 8 pm at the latest as he's asleep. DC 1 and 3 could have gone to bed at midnight and would always be up at 5am. They didn't need as much sleep at the same age so went to bed starting at 8:30pm. DC2 when she was younger was crying to go to bed at 4:30pm. We stretched her out to 6:30 otherwise we wouldn't see her! Surely it's personal to you and your family and not the country you live in?

Bambambini · 27/12/2016 03:50

"Haven't read the whole thread but i find all my english friends kids seem to go bed so early. All my nonenglish (eg, asian) friends kids stay up later. Weird that"

I don't think so. I think climate has a lot to do with it. Hot climates are just so much more pleasant in the evenings when the sun is down. Families go out then and tend to eat later - makes sense. We live in a colder climate - that's mostly it. Especially the longer, colder and dark winters.

Pluto30 · 27/12/2016 04:21

I don't think so. I think climate has a lot to do with it. Hot climates are just so much more pleasant in the evenings when the sun is down. Families go out then and tend to eat later - makes sense. We live in a colder climate - that's mostly it. Especially the longer, colder and dark winters.

I don't know about that. I'm Australian and the majority of people I know all have their children in bed by 8:30pm on weekdays. The people with young children all tend to eat around 5-6pm and have their kids in bed by 7:30pm.

Nataleejah · 27/12/2016 04:39

My 3yo goes to bed around 8, then 8yo around 9, 13yo at 10. Can't imagine putting them to bed earlier, especially in summer.

teraculum29 · 27/12/2016 05:02

If my toddler fall asleep at 7-7.30pm she will treat it as a nap and then she will be up till midnight or later.
I am aiming to put her to bed around 8:30-9.00 but that varies, Recently our bed time routine has changed as she skipped her naps during the day, and it's difficult to keep her awake till 9.

Fartleks · 27/12/2016 05:05

In my house

8.30- 8 or 10-8 = sheer hell getting kids to school as they would be too exhausted after a late night. Everyone would be unbearably ratty. There would be tantrums.

7.30-6 or 7 = perfect. We are morning people. Gets tons done first thing and kids are well rested after goodnight sleep. No last minute rush to get to school.