AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

[onemumtwocountries]

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

Doesn't matter what time I put my DC to bed, they'll still wake around the same time. A lie in is a complete rarity, and may only be about 15 mins at most.

No child is the same though. Even my DC aren't the same as each other. 6yo DD needs more sleep than 4yo DS. Always has it seems. We trialled letting DD stay up a bit later recently, but she was such an awful grump we reverted back.

Sorry Boots, was thinking along the lines of maternity leave or one parent finishing work on time for school/childminder pick up. I understand that's not the norm.

Allegretto, yes, having dinner together is also hugely important in my culture (and to me personally). Of course that's not always possible.

The country is Italy, and you're right, kids probably nap until an older age than the UK. There's no siesta though.

It's very interesting to read everyone's opinions!

Then those parents won't be stressed that their children are getting up too early and want them to sleep longer will they? That's not what OP is talking about I don't think. I know what you mean OP. There's quite a few threads on here about it that I often think "just put them to bed later". There is definitely a cultural thing about early bedtimes in the U.K.

YANBU. UK bedtimes are just wrong, unless both parents start work early. I deliberately kept DS up late as a baby, so he'd sleep late in the mornings. I was a SAHM at the time, so no way was I getting up much before 10, when I didn't have to! Until DS was about 3.5, he slept 12 hours from whenever he went to bed, so on holidays, we could take him out with us until 11 or midnight. I remember us visiting a playpark in Spain one night after dinner, and it was full of young children and their parents, at 11.30 at night! I love that memory.

We live in Spain. My son goes to bed at 9:00 and gets up at 8 usually....sometimes if we have friends round it's 10:30-8.
No afternoon nap. He's 5 and this works for us fine. Weekends we sleep whenever to whenever.

Mine have never needed the amount of sleep so called experts claim they do so we did a few trial and error sessions. Mine never went to bed before nine from about 4 years old. They now are 12 and 14 and go to bed after I do about 11pm. I am in bed for 10! They are doing well at school and are never tired so works ok for us. I think a lot of parents do early bed time because they want adult time whereas in other cultures children are not regarded as a nuisance. Just my opinion though.

DS1 has rarely gone to bed before 8pm and is on the go all day but still wakes by 6am.
DS2 goes to bed by 8pm and during term time has to be woken for school, at weekends he will sleep till 9.30am.
Go figure. All kids are different.

I think a lot depends on the morning routines - during term time, we need to be leaving the house around 7:45am latest, which means DC need to be awake pretty early, so we're trying to get them tucked up in bed and asleep by 7 - 7:30pm to make sure they have enough sleep to function properly at school and nursery.

We don't need to be up so early on weekends and holidays usually, but shifting bedtime later so DH and I can get a lie in at these times causes problems when school starts again. So early nights and early wakings work best for our family overall.

On the fence. My friend dc go to bed 9.30/10pm and they are 3. They have to be woken for nursery at 7am and always look white and tired. They stick to the routine becuase they say dc won't go down earlier and will sleep to 9.30/10 on weekends

I'm not sure there's a 'cultural' leaning towards bedtime. I wouldn't have a clue what time other people put/have put their children to bed and I certainly wouldn't base my decision on that. I'd base it on the needs of my own children, and individually.

If I need to be out of the house by 7.30, then we need to be up by 6.30. That does determine what time they go to bed.

Or did. One is nearly an adult and one sensibly regulates her own bedtime.

I read recently that the spanish are going to change their timezone to gmt because being on the same tz as germany, france etc rather than us doesnt make sense geographically, it was imposed by Franco. This has been one of the reasons why they need siesta, because their day is shifted and they work late.
Not sire whether Portugal will do likewise.

If you think in terms of daylight hours, then if you've got a little kid who needs 10 hours sleep, rising at 5am and going to bed at 7pm would surely be ideal?

My friend dc go to bed 9.30/10pm and they are 3. They have to be woken for nursery at 7am and always look white and tired. They stick to the routine becuase they say dc won't go down earlier and will sleep to 9.30/10 on weekends

Hmm at that age they will just go to sleep anywhere if they are all that tired.

YANBU OP. Irish parents, didn't have to go to bed until I was tired.

Bedtime routine for 2yo starts at 7 here. Usually asleep 8 or half past. But then wakes a bit in the night. Gets up half 7 or 8. I like it, I get a bit of evening time and usually a 90 minute nap in afternoon.

I once went away with friend who's child went down around half 9. It was horrendous. She was tired and irritable and our evening was focused on calming her. During the day she was grumpy. The parents said they kept her up late cos they work full time and wouldn't see her much during the week otherwise. I do get that, but felt bit sorry for their dc.

I agree

Mine have always eaten with us in the evening together 7-8pm as a family. Then bedtime 9-11pm depending on age. As babies they basically went to bed when we did. Now they are 5 and 6 years they go to bed around 9pm and wake 7.45-8am for school.

We have to be up at 6.45 to leave the house at 7.20. Dc bedtime is 8 and 8.30 (8 ad 10). They are VILE on less sleep so works for us. Holidays are more relaxed but beyond 10pm and they are VILE the next day..

UK bedtimes are just wrong - that's a bit of an extreme opinion Creme - they might be 'wrong' for your lifestyle but I can't imagine ever wanting to lie in until 10am - as a SAHM I enjoyed being up early and going for a four mile walk on my own before DH left for work . I appreciate that might not suit everyone but surely we all have different views on what makes for a compatible family life?

My DS slept from 7-7 for more or less the first seven years of his life, and until he went to school at 4 and a half he also had a two hour nap most afternoons - suited us fine, we weren't 'rigid' about it, if I needed to go out and about he could skip his nap but mostly he came home from playschool/nursery - had a good sleep and then was happy to go to bed at 7pm as well .

We've found that DD needs about 11 hours sleep, so 9pm-8am works for us. She's now 4, but had a 2 hour nap until 3.5 - so she slept 11pm-8am, plus 2 hours in the afternoon. The comments we got! We're still struggling a bit with mealtimes since she dropped her nap - DH gets home at 7ish (not a long commute, but neither of us are morning people), but she really needs to eat before then; I used to enjoy our family meals. Plus when she went to bed really late, we could just take her with us on evenings out, but now that's a bit harder (can you tell I wish she still napped?!). So I'm definitely with you OP - and DH and I are both British, though we've both lived overseas, and are untraditional in a number of ways (I could do an entire thread about Christmas...)

Like everything else, it depends on the children, and the family, and the circumstances. Mine were terrrible sleepers for years. DS1 is nearly 10 now. We turn his light out (on a school night) at 8.30. If he is very tired he conks out within 15 minutes and will sleep for 11 hours. If hes not so tired, he will read in bed and maybe go to sleep and hour later, but we will have to wake him in the morning for school. Basically he sleeps as long as he needs unless DS2 rudely awakens him (all of us) DS2 is up with the lark irrespective of when we put him to bed. He is a 6.30am riser and thats that. We try to turn his light off at 8pm so he gets a good 10 hours. I've had him up on the odd occasion till about 10.30 though and he's still up at 6.30am

Portugal are already on GMT.
Children there go to bed far too late IMO. One of the main problems is the work culture - people work until seven pm and often later. Dinner is never before 8 the earliest and then bed usually around 10pm. The problem is school starts even earlier than here, at 8.30am for primary so I think children don't sleep enough. Before they start school at 6/7yo they do have a napp but never after that. We don't have a siesta culture, it's only the Spanish.

We put ours to bed at 7pm (aged 2 and 5), and they wake between 7 & 7.30. They have to be up at 7 weekdays but weekends and holidays any time after 7 is great.

They can handle a later bedtime; should the need arise, but both dh and I enjoy the downtime that their 7pm bedtime affords us.

I love my kids but I also the time to have a bath and have a meal with my dh after they've gone to bed. I'm often at work for 7am so in bed myself at 9ish.

Over time their bedtime will get later but I'm taking those 2 hours a day now while I can!

I do think it's interesting that the culture of children being in bed by about 7.30 seems so ingrained in the UK.

I was chatting to my NCT friends about how early our babies get up and everyone else was complaining that their little ones are often up by 5.30am. I kind of sheepishly mentioned that my DS usually wakes between 7 and 8 and will occasionally sleep even later. Everyone seemed surprised by this but I suspect it's probably just that my DS goes to bed later than my friends' DC. The later bedtime just seems to work for us, DS likes a late-ish afternoon nap so he's just not tired at 7pm, and it means we get to have a meal and some family time together each evening.

Some of my friends seemed horrified at the idea of not having much "adult time" in the evening though, so I guess every family is different in what works for them.

UK style bedtimes have never worked for us. We're not from the UK but I've lived here since I was young, but I think my bedtime habits are probably from back home. My dc's have always gone to bed at 9pm or later, and got up no earlier than 8am (and it would only be that early if we had school or other specific reason like catching a plane, other times it's usually after 9am). During school holidays they don't have a set bedtime and get up whenever. They don't have naps.

We've not had to deal with early drop offs for childcare or school, as we've made decisions about our lifestyle and where we live/go to school so that it's not necessary. I'd hate to be woken up at 5 or earlier by a small child. I'm happy spending time with the dc in the evenings and don't feel the need to put them in bed just to have them out of the way for the night.

Ours would definitely have had later bedtimes if DH and I hadn't had to get up early for work - and still do. 7 o'clock nursery dropoff means early bedtime is just needed.

Lots of parents in the UK both working, which does go some way to explaining it.

When I was little we lived abroad, always went to bed 9pm or bit later (age six/seven) because that's when it went dark and cool enough to sleep comfortably.school hours were 7.30-12.30 though so plenty of time to rest when we got home and recharge.
My DC will always wake at the same times regardless of what time they go to bed. DD is nearly 18 months and sleeps from 6/6 30-7/8 and is just trying to drop day time nap. DS 6 is normally asleep for 8ish but goes up to wind down from 7.30.