AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

[onemumtwocountries]

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

My 5 year old (very nearly 6) definitely needs at least 11 hours sleep a night but has unfortunately inherited my night owlyness so she would go to sleep anywhere between 10 and 12pm and I'd have to drag her out of bed at about half 8/9 to get her to nursery for 10am. And then had to change her hours to start at around 8am but she still wasn't falling asleep until 10pm at the earlier and had great big bags under her eyes.

Now she's on melatonin, has tea or supper at 7 (depending on whether we ate tea earlier, then she'll have a snack, or we all eat at 7) and straight up to bed after that and is asleep by 8 and I wake her up at half 7, she's still tired but not as tired as she was.

I'm in Northern Europe and school/work hours tend to start at 8 here rather than 9 so you'd expect children to go to bed even earlier than the UK but around 8 for DD's age seems to be the norm and they all seem to stay up much later in the summer.

I agree, OP. I've never understood why British parents want child free evenings! Much nicer to spend the evening with your DCs who then sleep in in the morning.

My son goes to bed around 8 normally (he's 8). And he wakes up bang on 6 am, every day. Even when he gets to stay up later, during holidays etc, he still wakes up at the same time then he is evil for the rest of the day as he is so tired. So, it's not necessarily about bedtime affecting sleep duration or quality for every kid.

It depends a lot on the child, my DS isn't a particularly early riser and he goes to sleep at around 9 which works great for us. I tried shifting his bedtime about 30 minutes earlier only to find he's awake 2-4 hours! in the night.

My English PIL made PA comments that it's too late and how ever will he cope for school (he's 2!). I explained the first time, now I say I'm raising a child, not a chicken and it's fine. Also pointed out that in my home country we start school at 8 so the school argument is fairly null and void.

I also found strange the insistence that all kids sleep through anything and that I'm making a rod for my own back because I keep the house fairly quiet.

Ha fucking ha! I tried making the normal amount for noise and had to deal with a cranky, tired child. Even my (English) DP started with this crap and I replied it's absolutely fine, make noise, but no way in hell am I settling DS. Funnily enough, he never did do it a second time.

YANBU. My baby is 9 months old and earliest she sleeps is 11pm. When she falls asleep between 8-9pm, she wakes up 30-45 mins later fresh as a daisy. I try not to worry but a few weeks before I go back to work, she'll need to get into an earlier routine. I'll be aiming for 9pm for a 7am wake up

I have to say that my idea of hell is a long drawn out bedtime routine. Who is training who in a scenario that involves lengthy periods of stories, dimmed lights, and general palaver?

I'd rather have less me time in the evening and spend more time with the children

I spend all day with my 10 month old so I'm happy to put him to bed at 6.30.

If a baby is on two naps I don't really know how you can get away with a much later bedtime than say, 7 - even at 10 months my ds can only manage 3.5 hrs awake time Max - maybe 4. He's climbing the walls exhausted by 6.30.

I admit fully I prefer the earlier bedtime but I wouldn't do it if he was lying awake for hours clearly needing a later bedtime.

Anecdotally, I'm Latina and so culturally we do tend to put kids to bed much much later. What I've seen that resulting in is a load of overtired hyped up misbehaving kids. And the later bedtime is entirely to benefit the adults - later mornings and also more leeway to go out and socialise in the evenings.

I resent the implication it's selfish to put your kids to bed early - I don't deny I enjoy it, but it's still driven by him. If I kept him up later he'd be miserable and exhausted - why am I going to do that just to get a lie in?

My kids go to bed at 8:30, my neighbour is Spanish and we could hear her kids until about 9. I was surprised to hear that there were still quite big bedtime protests coming from her son well past 10pm. Mine is,quite similar, he just isn't tired at 6pm, he would probably stay awake in bed until 8:30 or 9 anyway. He doesn't nap.

Mine go to bed so early

Toddler would go to bed at 4pm if I let him, 5.30 is a stretch and he is a devil by 6pm

5yr old is conked out between 6-7pm

I have always gone for an 8/8:30 bedtime for my kids when little, DD1 is somewhere between night owl and normal, left to her own devices she would go to bed at 9:30 and wake at 8 (she is nearly 11). DD 2 is still a toddler, if she doesn't get enough nap in the day, she flakes out at 7 and then wakes up at 9 as if she has had a nap and is raring to go until 11/12! So, I make sure she gets enough of a nap and then she settles down around 8ish until about 7.

I don't get in from work until 6, and DD1 had clubs which don't finish until 8/8:30 and we like to eat later together, so I have never been an early to bed person for kids. I have been out in town with the kids having dinner at 7 (places like Wagamamas rather than proper restaurants) and there have been plenty of other families out too, so I don't think we are that unusual.

In the holidays, we stretch to later bedtimes of about 10/10:30 as there is no need to be up for school.

I am not an early riser type myself, we tend to get up at 7:45 to leave for 8:30, but do adapt when we need to (every other week I have a meeting in London and have to get the 7:20 train).

I just do what works for me, I think I am on the later side of the spectrum for the British norm (but as pp said, it must be a norm given the club times).

6yo needs 11/ 12 hours of sleep. He kept his naps for a long time after his peers stopped napping too. On school nights he's in bed for 8pm latest. On weekends he has a later night - perhaps 9 or 10pm. He will wake as normal on the first day after a 'late' night but sleep in later on the second successive late night. On holiday he'll regularly be up till 10pm and likewise sleeps in until 9 or 10. Surely you just adapt your routine depending on the circumstances, and individual child's sleep requirements? My older nephews go to bed much earlier but won't sleep in no matter what the bedtime.

Our family is like cuckooplusone with bedtimings but we are quite flexible in that my middle child loves to go to bed, so he does!

We do bathtimes quite early, straight after tea (or when we get home from work) and then they stay up until their individual times. I aim to have the eldest asleep by 9pm (he is 8) and he is always up around 7.30. Some days he doesn't get home from football training until gone 8 so it is late by the time he is in bed.

They didn't go to bed until 11pm on Boxing Day!

My dd has always been en an early riser irrespective of her bedtime.
Prior to starting school (age 4.10) she had regular afternoon naps of 2-2.5 hours and starting school meant knocking these on the head and really wiped her out.
I do think people seem quick to drop nap times in toddlers. I recall reading in a baby manual that kids who nap sleep better at night (and she always slept well at night) so another reason we didn't want to give them up (and it meant I could get stuff done!)
Her bed time has always been about 7pm ish up until recently when she has taken on more after school activities. She's 8 now and some activities don't finish until 7.30pm/8pm (however she insists she doesn't want to give them up!) and by the weekend is shattered.
For us the late night =lie in just doesn't work and it's not always practical anyway. I prefer a quiet childfree evening.
I'm curious to know what people with kids still up at 10pm actually do with them. It's not like you can turn the telly on and chill together (as in post 9pm tv not suitable and neither is the news/soaps etc etc and even CBBC finishes at 9!).

I have to say that my idea of hell is a long drawn out bedtime routine. Who is training who in a scenario that involves lengthy periods of stories, dimmed lights, and general palaver?

My idea of hell too. I've tried it and its just horrid. Now at least DD has a bedtime routine that we both like - eat, brush teeth, pyjamas on, and then into her bed together to cuddle and sing a song and I stay for 15-20 minutes max, just until she's nice and relaxed and the melatonin is clearly taking effect, then kiss goodnight and I'm off. Prior to this my evenings were a constant hell of up and down the stairs, frequent demands for food and water, frequent demands to be tucked in again. Me and OH couldn't relax together at all, watch telly or play a game together because of the constant interruptions.

Thanks everyone, loads of very interesting contributions and points. I fully agree that the most important thing is doing what's best based on the child, family and circumstances. I was worried that having a late bedtime would create problems and we wouldn't fit in (I'm thinking sleepovers, evening activities etc). I guess I'll cross that bridge when I get to it. By the sound of things we would be in the minority but not too odd! Interesting point about people having clubs/sports that run until 7pm and beyond - there must be a considerable slice of the population that is happy with that or they wouldn't do them.

Thanks everyone for your interest!

DS needed 7-7 as a baby/ toddler plus lots of naps. DD also needed a good 12 hour stretch but dropped daytime naps quite early on. I liked having a couple of child free hours before bed. But I have to be up at 6, shower, make pack lunches, get kids up, leave at 7:30, drop DD at childminder and then on to work. Simply could not put kids, when younger than 8 (ish) to bed later as they needed 12 hours to be properly refreshed and have to be up at 7 at the latest. DS is now 14 and goes to bed when he wants to, often after me, and usually about 10pm.

iif your family can live on the later timescale like in other countries then do it hun.do what makes your family and you happy and at peace. I know there is a critan sense in seeing wht works for others but everyone is different and I think people follinwing hard and fast rules made by some invisible "knowledge" is what gets people in the mess I nthe first place.becasue then what if they fail?dont follow?are different?
youll know.you be bale to follow certain hints but you will know what works best for you guys.dont e afraid to just do that.

I haven't read the whole thread but my DS is 19 months and had since around 6 months old always been put to bed at 7pm. Obviously in the beginning he was up and down in the night but always kept in the room he was sleeping in to get into that routine, there was no turning the light on or bringing him into the living room. Now he goes to bed without any fuss, even if he is wide awake and playing, he will usually sleep until around 6am, which is fine by me as four days a week I get up for work at 6 so would have to otherwise wake him then anyway.