AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

[onemumtwocountries]

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

I quite agree with you. Bedtime is stupidly early over here and then parents complain because their kids are up so early in the morning. DD's bedtime was usually sometime around 8.30/9 and she never got us up before 7.

I think quite a lot of it is to do with our culture, which is not small child inclusive. I have relatives in Italy, who would be having dinner with family/friends until late, with the children included. Much more social. Same with France. Probably similar in most continental countries or actually most countries anywhere except here.

We have to be up at 530am here to get to nursery/work on time so DD (18 months) goes to bed at 7. Means she wakes up at the weekends at 530 as well which has taken a bit of getting used too!

Wow I love this. My dd was never a good sleeper and always slept after 9. She always woke early too. If I had put her to bed at 6.30 it would have been a 2am start.

I agree I also want to spend time with her on an evening too. I have adult time when my Mother has her so it works for us.

Even now at age 8 sometimes its after 11 on a school night. She is literally staring at the walls.

I asked the doctor once. He said some kids just don't need it. Aghhhhj

So I like your idea as I would not feel 'different' lol

An interesting point. The UK is further north and has fewer daylight hours in winter than the other countries you mention. But, once clocks go back on GMT, we get our daylight hours 'skewed' fairly early. My energetic nearly 2 yr-old DS basically wants to run around all the time, but it's too dark to go to the park etc by 4. I would rather he was up at 6:30/7, even on non-work/ nursery days, and in bed for 7:39/8, because it means we can do more with the time we have. If he went to bed at 9 I would have hours of dark evening to fill with him crashing around indoors, and he would be sleeping in during the precious light! I wonder what norms are in Scandinavian countries?

I agree in theory, and it was always our plan that DD would go to bed around 8pm, so we could eat dinner together in the evening/see her after work. However, by 6pm she wants to get her jammies on and snuggle and is almost always asleep by 7pm. Getting up later and/or having a nap makes no difference to her, that's just when she's tired!

Totally jealous of those who's children sleep 7pm-7am
I joke but I literally can't comprehend it. Life would be so much different.
I would not change her though.

My kids aged 2-12 all go to bed later 9-11pm and get up late 9-11am weekend and hold - the school age ones get woken in time for school.

We lived abroad for a decade in countries were kids staying up late was the norm. Parks full at 9pm. It works for us.

I love this idea of Mediterranean countries with everyone up and out having big sociable dinners at 10pm but the truth is that I am shattered by 10pm and go to bed then most nights, occasionally earlier. My ds is asleep at 8 though we head upstairs nearly an hour earlier. I come down, rush about clearing up for an hour. Watch tv or read for an hour then bed for me.
I would hate to have my child still up when I wanted to go to sleep myself (I have friends in this situation).

hop I'm in Denmark at the moment and it's a nightmare with DHs family. Children are expected to roll around with their parents and mine just don't work that way. I've spoken to other parents and most mothers of young children are not working FT hours so the kids are up later and sleep in.

Hth

For my kids to wake up later after a late night it takes a few days of getting accustomed to. If we go in holiday, a couple of days in and they are getting the sleep they need, just a later bedtime and later wake up. But as a one off it doesn't work for us.

That's the thing want2b isn't it? Sometimes you can't actually control when your child wants to go to bed...mine ask me to go to bed around 7pm sometimes! Keeping them up to 9pm is hard work; they're tired, grumpy and fed-up. I wish they could stay up later on occasion (they're 3 and 6) like at weddings, but it's almost impossible.

Also, I don't know about anyone else, but around 12hrs in the company of my noisy kids is about my limit So they're packed off to bed around 7pm for their own safety

I think the amount of time that UK kids generally "need" in parents descriptions tends to be longer than any general ranges based on research. So many English Year 1 and 2 kids are claimed to need 12 hours, when the general range of normal in studies is 9-11 hours (doesn't mean different is wrong of course, but the vast majority are in that range) You don't seem to meet many who say 9 is fine.

Plenty though that say their kids are a nightmare for going to bed at 8pm, so I think there is a bit of a popular misconception on the amount of sleep children need, such that they do go to bed early themselves. Bedtime is also commonly used as a way of requiring non-kid time for adults, so the bed time is not always the sleep time, and the kids are free to regulate sleeping themselves as long as they are out of the way. Often then the parents wouldn't know when the kids sleep, so would just be saying "bed at 8pm" or whatever.

DD is just dozing off now, and she'll wake herself up at 8, just like she almost always does, she doesn't have lie-ins, just manages her own sleep pretty well. If she went to bed at 7pm, not only would we not be able to eat together, we wouldn't be able to do much, it would be nothing but school for most of the week.

So YANBU to question mark bedtime generally in the UK, I certainly do, but I don't think it's really as bad as you think, what is more surprising is how early some people need to get up! If you can wake at 8:15 and still get to the 8:45 school start, then it fits a lot more with how life is organised in the UK.

breton I know! Mine conk out at about 7pm. DS wakes up at 8am right now. The baby sleeps a fair bit too. DD slept until 10am this AM. She was tired by 6:30!

I have a night owl and she would usually go to sleep between 9 and 12 at night and sleep until 10-12, even when I started to have to get her up at 7/7:30 she wouldn't go to sleep until 10/11. It took melatonin to get her to sleep enough. Some children can't sleep enough.

Well, DD1 (11) has to get up about 6.30am so goes to bed by 9.30pm. DD2 (8) goes to bed at 8.30pm and gets up about 7am. They sleep well, have lots of energy and concentrate well at school so their bedtimes are fine, thanks.

Want2b gotta love a kid who loves their sleep! I sleep loads and loads, so hoping that gene (if one exists) is passed on to my offspring.

We are late bedtimers here. It's nice as we get lie ins and go out in evening. Holidays are nice too. Seems to work for us.

Also I don't know how people in other countries regularly eat so late. I am up half the night with indigestion if I eat a proper meal after 9pm. I eat late on holidays but never sleep that well because of it.

They mustn't be working or can get up later if adults are regularly staying up late. I can manage on less, but need at least 7 hours sleep to be at my best.

I am not sure needing to sleep loads is an advantage as an adult. Great for their parents though.

My nearly 4 and five and a hgalf year old go to bed around 9 or sometimes later if school holidays. They are just not tired earlier and they get up fine for school around 7. 18 month old goes to bed a bit earlier around 8. he has dropped his daytime nap now like the other two did at that age so i guess my children just need less sleep than average!!

I think different things work for different families but there does seem to be an assumption here in UK that kids go to bed between 7 and 8.

As others have said it's as much to do with mealtimes and lack of social activities in the evenings as anything else. We don't tend to have sit down meals with the family at 8pm.

Our little ones are in " proper " school by 4 or 5 years as well rather than playing which I do think effects their energy levels. I think the US is also similar to Britian. I would also like to know what they do in dark Scandi counteries and Russia where we share the long dark cold evenings.

Faraway sorry for the delay, school starts at 8am in Italy, from primary (age 6) to the age of 18.

Havent read the whole thread but i find all my english friends kids seem to go bed so early. All my nonenglish (eg, asian) friends kids stay up later. Weird that