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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to question bedtime in the UK?

244 replies

onemumtwocountries · 26/12/2016 16:48

I'm a regular but have NCd as some of my latest posts were quite identifying.

I recently travelled to my home country and noticed that babies/kids there go to bed quite a bit later than in the UK. Bedtime between 8.30 and 10.30pm (depending on age) seems to be the norm. In the UK people seem to put kids to bed between 6.30 and 8.30pm (based on my experience, do correct me if I'm wrong).

DH and I have quite a few friends and family in the UK whose kids are up before 6am. They often (rightly) complain this is very early and try various methods to keep them in bed until a more reasonable time (Gro Clock etc).

I'd presume that kids need similar amounts of sleep regardless of which country they grow up in. So I wonder if a shift in the bedtime culture in the UK would make for children who sleep until a more reasonable time? Or am I missing the point entirely?

Going to bed a little later would also allow the DCs to see the working parent for a bit longer in the evening (assuming standard working hours), although I appreciate this would eat into adult time in the evening.

My DS is only tiny so we don't have a bedtime routine yet, but I'm keen to know your thoughts before I embark on one!

Thank you.

OP posts:

livingthegoodlife · 27/12/2016 20:27

Mine go to bed at 6pm, they have dinner at 5pm ish and then a bath. Sometimes they go to bed at 6.30 because it always takes so long to feed everyone and bathe them. Mine wake up about 6.30/7am which suits us for getting ready for school etc.

Out of my friends mine go to bed the earliest. I would say the norm seems to be 7-7.30 x

PolarEspresso · 27/12/2016 20:27

Is it really surprising that daily routines are cultural?

Most children stop sleeping in the day around 2, so need to get 11 or so hours at night - a 7-8pm bedtime makes sense.

Neither of mine nap, we leave for work at 7.30am so they need to get up at 6.30-7am. They need to go to bed about 7.30 or they won't get enough sleep.

KatharinaRosalie · 27/12/2016 20:30

Most children stop sleeping in the day around 2 - that's also cultural. In my home country, children are expected to nap until they are about 7 years old.

JellyWitch · 27/12/2016 20:34

My eldest had a fluid and often late bedtime until he started school. He just couldn't cope with that on top of a school day so it moved earlier (now 8-9 aged 7).

His younger sibling is not a night owl at all and just can't keep going late usually.

rubberballcomebouncingbacktome · 27/12/2016 20:34

We put our three to bed by 7 & probably go to bed relatively early too (latest 10pm) but we have to leave the house by 0715am to not be late for nursery/school/work so that suits us all. In the holidays they can stay up until 8pm, but I like them going to bed early as it means I can relax/switch off before it all starts again.

Iflyaway · 27/12/2016 20:38

I think a lot of children on the continent have afternoon nap.

Rubbish. Maybe in the beginning of the last century...

We are in the modern age on the continent and do the 9-5 and regular school hours. The only afternoon napping here is done in a crèche.

Wishforsnow · 27/12/2016 20:40

I am always really surprised how early some children go to bed. My 7 yo does martial arts and that doesn't finish until half 7 then we do dinner/homework. It's a kids class so mine can't be that unusual. Maybe mine doesn't need as much sleep. I like spending time with kids in the evening.

sirfredfredgeorge · 27/12/2016 20:40

Mine wake up about 6.30/7am which suits us for getting ready for school etc.

It takes you 1-2 hours to get ready for school - what are you doing?

shhhgobacktosleep · 27/12/2016 20:49

All of my kids have been early risers - 5.30am was the norm and staying up late did not make them sleep later. However, husband and I were knackered and so in order to get a couple of hours child free time their bed time was 8pm by 10yrs old (8.30) on a weekend. When they were younger and just starting school it was all I could do to keep them awake until 5pm. They were great sleepers, never got out of bed during the night and never had a complaint when bed time came round so for them the bedtime routine seemed perfect and it never occurred to me to consider what time other children went to bed.

OopsDearyMe · 27/12/2016 20:52

Choildreen need different amounts of sleep in different environments to deal wit the changing
Light. / dark ratio. However western European children usually need between 10-13 hours. To allow them to fall into full REM sleep which is the deepest ype.
This does also depend on the child. My Aspie girl sleeps approx 4-6 hours only.

OopsDearyMe · 27/12/2016 20:54

Mine always start their routine at 6:30 and are sleeping by 8: 30 that's DD2. We turn evbertything off and go upstairs , have soft music and maybe read or cuddle for a while to wind right down.
I keep it like this throughout the year including holidays to save us from having to readjust.

Artandco · 27/12/2016 20:56

Oops - 2 hrs to go to bed?

OopsDearyMe · 27/12/2016 20:59

Yes , DS is usually asleep by 7:30 tho, my DD2 is a very excitable, inquisitive old who needs time to wind down and stop her brain whirring. I discount DD1 in this as she usually goes off about 12-1am and entertains herself.

PeppaIsMyHero · 27/12/2016 21:00

Whatever time I get him to bed, mine wakes at 6am. If he stays up too late he's just very ratty the next day which makes everyone miserable.

I, on the other hand, would cope marvellously with the mid-afternoon siesta favoured on the continent. If only...

OopsDearyMe · 27/12/2016 21:01

Sir George - is that surprising? It takr s us between an hour and a half and two to get everyone up and awake properly. I have passed my unfortunate breakfasting gene tohem tho, I have to be awake more than an hour to stomach food so breakfast is the last thing to do

Helethan · 27/12/2016 21:01

My two (2&6) are in bed by 8.30 during term time as we all need to be up at 7. During school holidays, it's often much later and they sleep on in the morning until 8.30 -9am which really suits me. I guess it's what works for you. Bit puzzled as to why the neighbour felt the need to get involved though.

NennyNooNoo · 27/12/2016 21:05

Interesting, because we are a late bedtime family (8.45- 10pm) for 4 DCs aged between 2 and 11 and I feel we are unusual in the UK. The 2 year old has a 1 hour nap every afternoon. It works for us because DH gets home about 6.45 most nights and we all eat together at 7- 7.30 pm which is when a lot of children here are going to bed. They're all up between 7 and 8am.

livingthegoodlife · 27/12/2016 21:14

Sir Fred - my husband goes to work at 7.45. wake up 7am, then shower ourselves and dress kids until 7.30, start making breakfast then husband leaves, I tidy up breakfast at 8am, 8 until 8.15 tidy up kitchen and track down school books/kit/etc then shoes on and leave the house at 8.30 on the dot. I have two toddlers and a school aged child if that helps explain!!

addstudentdinners2 · 27/12/2016 21:31

I prefer a 6.30 bedtime and 6am wake up. Much much much prefer to get up early but have evening to myself thanks!!

pollymere · 27/12/2016 21:40

My daughter has never got up before seven. She only needs around 9-10 hours sleep now so goes to bed accordingly. When she was tiny she went to bed around nine or ten and woke 12 hours later at around nine. At 4-5 she started only needing 10 hours. We did try putting her to bed around 7 or 8 but she used to wake around midnight ready to start the day! I totally agree that if you put your kids to bed at six or seven, you can't expect them to sleep more than twelve hours.

Osirus · 27/12/2016 21:51

My 6 month old goes to bed with me (co sleep) between 9.30-10.30pm and she sleeps until 8.30-9am. For various reasons, a later bedtime works for us; she's a great sleeper and a very contented baby.

catkind · 27/12/2016 21:58

DC have always been late sleepers. For a long time when DS was a toddler we tried to convince him to go to bed before 9pm, it took hours to settle him, and he'd go to sleep at 9pm. Moved bedtime to 8.30 and guess what, still went to sleep at 9pm but without the preceding battle.

Since then bedtime has mostly been around 9pm, it worked well for DD too. DS briefly went to bed earlier when he started school, DD was unaffected by school. We probably need to admit to ourselves that they're actually reading till nearer 10 most days now. 10-7.30 is 9.5 hours which is just about in the normal range still though, at least for the 7 yr old. It's quite little for the 4 yr old but she is good tempered and full of energy still after school (unlike many of her better slept mates!) and a voracious learner, so guess that's working for her.

I remember as a child lying awake for literally hours after designated bedtime clock-watching and trying to think up ways to pass the time in the dark. Maybe there's a genetic component.

HeCantBeSerious · 27/12/2016 22:23

I prefer a 6.30 bedtime and 6am wake up. Much much much prefer to get up early but have evening to myself thanks!!

Whereas that's my idea of hell. My brain works best between 9pm and 2am.

CremeEggThief · 27/12/2016 22:27

I'm with you, HeCantBeSerious.

Daydream007 · 27/12/2016 22:40

Earlier bedtimes benefit the parent more than the child. Personally, I'd rather have less me time in the evening and spend more time with the children.

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