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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be very annoyed with my brother?!

188 replies

Supermagicsmile · 24/12/2016 18:36

I am sorry to be posting this on Christmas Eve, I know it's it really in the spirit of Christmas but I'm so annoyed right now and don't know if I am being unreasonable or if I'm just hormonal and tired.

I've been busy all day prepping cleaning and food for tonight as well as tomorrow. Family coming over tonight for a meal and bringing my brother with them. (He is staying for Christmas.)

Told him in advance that he would need to bring whatever he would need for his stay with him as I didn't want to be driving him to pick it up at 11 o'clock at night after friends go.

He has just rung to say that he didn't get his things ready as he went to the cinema instead. Hmm and after our guests go he will need a lift back to his flat to collect his items and presents etc and then be brought back here.

That means I can't drink anything with dinner and will be driving very late at night which I hate. It will be atleast an hour round trip plus however long he needs to 'get his stuff ready.' Angry

I am fuming and have said I don't want to do it but have been told by my father that I am 'despicable' to say that I will not go and collect him
and my mum is crying saying I am ruining it for everyone. Sad

Guess who their favourite child is so I am being made to feel like an awful person for not wanting to take him back.

AIBU?Blush

OP posts:
Butterymuffin · 25/12/2016 00:56

Switch your phone off, and unplug your landline. Then you can be surprised in the morning 'I must have fallen asleep and not heard my phone, it was so late. I'll get Mum to fetch you now!' Bluff it out. They can't be sure you're lying.

QueSera · 25/12/2016 01:05

Op where are you??

MrsMcMoo · 25/12/2016 01:16

Your father called you 'despicable'?! What a nice bunch they sound. I'm angry on your behalf op xx

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 25/12/2016 01:24

I second the idea of slamming back a few, then a few more. Be too sloshed to drive.

And set the damn table!! He can wrap presents on the fucking floor!

Cagliostro · 25/12/2016 01:39

Ugh manchild. I hope you are thoroughly drunk right now rather than driving to collect this knob

SpaceDinosaur · 25/12/2016 01:48

How in the hell is you family dynamic as such that your parents insult and guilt trip you, the host, whilst making out that your adult brother is incapable of looking after himself.

AND YOU ASK PERMISSION FROM THE MN COLLECTIVE TO BE ANNOYED!

Something is very very fucking wrong with your parents OP.

tooclosetocall · 25/12/2016 01:54

What a fucking arsehole. He's 26? No wonder he has so little responsibility when his parents guilt-trip the OP into running around for him.
As for the mothers comment about ruining Christmas.....someone is ruining it alright and it isn't the OP.
I'm sure by now she's gone to bring him back. She should be at home with her children putting presents under the tree not wiping her brothers arse.

OP, if you come back to read this YANBU but I do understand the position your family have put you in. Make 2017 the year to stand up to them. Once you do it a few times it will become much easier.
Happy Christmas Wine

Nirvanababy · 25/12/2016 02:03

You're annoyed and rightly so, but I don't understand why you're still being such a pushover.
Your brother chose to go to the cinema. He chose to leave his shit at home. He's now dictating your plans ie: don't lay the table, don't drink so you can get him and hang around while he sorts his stuff.
Total lack of respect for you.
Woman up and say No.

Nirvanababy · 25/12/2016 02:03

You're all enabling him to act likeep a spoilt brat

Bettyspants · 25/12/2016 02:10

Dear op I'm up just finished being Father Christmas with my DH and settling into bed with the 2 youngest! I sincerely hope you are not driving but are tucked up in bed ready for tomorrow rather than running around after your bloody inconsiderate family with their skewed priorities. Get through tomorrow in your no doubt lovely way then write to them explaining just how hurt you are by their ridiculous behaviour and state for that reason you will not be hosting Christmas Day again.

Bettyspants · 25/12/2016 02:11

Well unless they behave like reasonable and loving family members. Much Christmas love op.

DollyPlastic · 25/12/2016 02:12

What a dick.

DartmoorDoughnut · 25/12/2016 02:29

It's your house, why are they telling you what to do?! More to the point why are you listening?! Confused

sofato5miles · 25/12/2016 02:40

He sounds awful. Selfish and sexist. Why is the dynamic such that he is preferred over you? What is the dynamic between your parents? Why on earth is no-one standing up for you?
Also, issues with a pink duvet? That would have triggered a conversation that ruined chritsmas in our house. There is something incredibly misogynistic about this set up. And it seems to condoned by all around you. Are you married?

You are not ruining chrstmas, this incredibly arrogant and selfish boy is.

ImtheChristmasCarcass · 25/12/2016 02:59

Next year.....go to Maui!!!!! Grin

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 25/12/2016 03:09

This is outrageous, I'm so annoyed on your behalf! Your brother is an entitled little prick and your parents are so unreasonable I don't know where to start!

I would have been firmly in the necking a wine so I couldn't go camp but I know that even as an adult it's sometimes hard to say no to your parents so I'm not judging you for going. Id make it absolutely clear though that there will be no repeat of this behaviour from any of them in your home.

Merry Christmas OP, I hope you manage some sleep Smile

willitbe · 25/12/2016 03:18

DartmoorDoughnut Sun 25-Dec-16 02:29:32

It's your house, why are they telling you what to do?! More to the point why are you listening?!

Yep, DartmoorDoughnut puts it well.

Time to say "my house, my rules".

Lay the table and go to bed, switch off phones.

Time to say no to your parents too, if they go against your house rules.

Don't let your brother ruin your Christmas. If you take the easy route of going to get your brother and waiting to lay the table, and waiting to put out your children's presents. He is spoiling your Christmas, he has no right to do that.

Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 04:45

OP, if it was too hard to stand up to them tonight (and as a PP said, this doesn't come from nowhere, you'll have had years of this shite, this role) then don't feel bad about posters frustration here.

Start a new thread over in Relationships and you'll get a lot of support if you want to move forward from this and carve out a new role in future.

You'll be happier next Xmas if you do! x

ClarissaDarling · 25/12/2016 05:17

OP like pp am so angry for you, but agree with Ellisandra, this has to be the turning point for you! Has anyone mentioned the 'Stately Homes' tgread about dickish families?

MangosteenSoda · 25/12/2016 05:30

Make this the last time you host them. If it's too difficult to stand up for yourself tonight, make sure you don't find yourself in this position again until you feel ready to stand your ground. It's just going to nag at you now and prevent you from relaxing and enjoying your Christmas as much as you should.

seven201 · 25/12/2016 05:32

He can wrap the bloody presents on top of the pink duvet. I hope you just went to bed instead of staying up waiting to be summoned as chauffeur

wonderwoo · 25/12/2016 05:54

OP I suspect you did go to pick him up. It's really bloody hard to stand up to messed up family dynamics like this especially at an intense time like christmas.

Please try to take on board rom this thread that people are angry on your behalf. You are not being treated well at all by your family. Going forward, it doesnt have to be this way. You cannot change how they behave to you, but you can change how you respond to it. Please consider counselling in the new year. I don't think I would be able to make changes in a situation like this without help to gain a new perspective. There is hope put there... this time next year, if you make some changes, you don't need to be dealing with shit like this.

I hope you eventually got some rest and you manage to have a happy day today.

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 25/12/2016 06:20

Thank you for all the support. Makes me feel a little better that I'm not being unreasonable or out of line.

My mum went back to collect him in the end and I went to bed. Lots of guilt on my part but all your posts made me feel more confident. I will try and build up the courage to show them this thread one day but no doubt I will be told I misrepresented him/them and I am very unreasonable to have posted online Hmm
Not sure if any of them will mention anything today but I am going to try and rise above and am officially signing off for Christmas (as I expect a lot you have too).

Merry Christmas to all of you and thank you for giving me a little boost last night, it really helped. Flowers

Thanks for those who suggested I post in relationships, I will do that next week :)

OP posts:
AndShesGone · 25/12/2016 06:54

Well done at not going FlowersFlowersFlowers

Very brace, very strong

AndShesGone · 25/12/2016 06:54

That's 'brave' not 'brace'

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