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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to be very annoyed with my brother?!

188 replies

Supermagicsmile · 24/12/2016 18:36

I am sorry to be posting this on Christmas Eve, I know it's it really in the spirit of Christmas but I'm so annoyed right now and don't know if I am being unreasonable or if I'm just hormonal and tired.

I've been busy all day prepping cleaning and food for tonight as well as tomorrow. Family coming over tonight for a meal and bringing my brother with them. (He is staying for Christmas.)

Told him in advance that he would need to bring whatever he would need for his stay with him as I didn't want to be driving him to pick it up at 11 o'clock at night after friends go.

He has just rung to say that he didn't get his things ready as he went to the cinema instead. Hmm and after our guests go he will need a lift back to his flat to collect his items and presents etc and then be brought back here.

That means I can't drink anything with dinner and will be driving very late at night which I hate. It will be atleast an hour round trip plus however long he needs to 'get his stuff ready.' Angry

I am fuming and have said I don't want to do it but have been told by my father that I am 'despicable' to say that I will not go and collect him
and my mum is crying saying I am ruining it for everyone. Sad

Guess who their favourite child is so I am being made to feel like an awful person for not wanting to take him back.

AIBU?Blush

OP posts:
Graphista · 25/12/2016 00:05

Absolutely no reason why he can't sleep in a t-shirt tonight go home with family friends and get taxi back. No reason at all! In fact no reason your parents can't take him home and back again tomorrow as it will be Shock daylight then.

Agree your parents and brother are very much the despicable ones here.

It is hard really hard to deal with messed up family dynamics but you know what? When you do? Life gets SO much easier. I have a sister similarly immature and disorganised repeatedly bailed out by parents and she's getting worse not better she's 41 and a single mother and STILL expects to be and IS bailed out by my parents - to ridiculous proportions. I'm now Nc with her (for lots of reasons not just this) funnily enough mum seems to be losing the desire to help her as much now (other reasons for this me being Nc a v small part of it) life much easier not treading on eggshells or dropping plans last minute to deal with one of her cock ups/dramas!

llangennith · 25/12/2016 00:08

You're probably stuck with it all this year but resolve to make sure it never ever happens again.
You put yourself and your immediate family first and the rest can take care of themselves. Don't be a doormat!

Ellisandra · 25/12/2016 00:10

I'm sniggering that he doesn't like the pink duvet. I was sure you said he was 26, my mistake, you must have said 6.
Urrrrgh, pink is for GIRLS!!!!
What a twat.

Please don't go and collect him.

If you really can't hold out on that, at least make sure your bitch of a mother comes too (to keep you awake) so she also gets to feel knackered.

JennyWoodentop · 25/12/2016 00:11

He's going to ring when he wants a lift back

You meant in the morning, right? No one is going out after midnight on an hour round trip to fetch him - unplug the phone and switch your cell off. If he calls your mum's cell and she chooses to fetch him, more fool her.

He made his choices, he's an adult, let him deal with the consequences.

Your parents may kick up a fuss - if they do, you know who to invite next Christmas - not your parents or brother. You have been doing a lot of work totally unappreciated, and being blamed for things that aren't your responsibility - if this is the narrative of your family life, I would be rethinking my interactions with them in the future.

I hope tomorrow turns out better for you than today has been, and you salvage something of merry Christmas out of all this.

Original poster
Supermagicsmile · 25/12/2016 00:14

I wanted to lay the table for the morning and have been instructed not to do so he wants to wrap things when he gets back. Hmm

OP posts:
BlueFolly · 25/12/2016 00:14

resolve to make sure it never ever happens again

How? Serious question.

The OP told him this year to get his shot together and he didn't. How's she going to make it stick next year if she can't this year? The OP can't change her brother, or her parents, just herself, and I don't see why that wouldn't start this year rather than next.

Or she could decide to just put up with it. But don't go and get him and then moan about it.

LFWarrior · 25/12/2016 00:14

Start drinking.....immediately. Sounds like an £80 wake up call would do the selfish idiot some good. Outrageous behaviour. Your parents reaction explains your brothers behaviour sadly. Merry Christmas xx

DierdrePewtey · 25/12/2016 00:17

Taxis were invented for situations like this

Although from the description of your family dynamic, I think your problems run deeper than giving someone a lift

NeighTrumpSnort · 25/12/2016 00:19

I really hope this thread is a wind-up as the more you post OP the more unreal it seems.

I really can't believe that someone is that much of a door mat to be dictated to in their own home. To obey the instructions of not laying the table.

AGirlCalledJohnny · 25/12/2016 00:20

Tell him to stay home and wrap his fucking presents there. I bet they're shit too. Set your table if you want to love, it's your house. You do sound like your own worst enemy though...

NeighTrumpSnort · 25/12/2016 00:21

Agree with Bluefolly. Either make a stand and don't be dictated too or don't bother coming here to moan.

TurnipCake · 25/12/2016 00:21

Lay the table, he can fuck off to pink duvet land and wrap gifts there.

Hope you enjoy Christmas OP, your brother and parents sound ghastly, if they're that demanding in your own house I can't imagine what it was like for you growing up

Graphista · 25/12/2016 00:28

No just no! Do NOT go fetching this lazy entitled arse after midnight on Christmas Eve because he simply couldn't be bothered getting his shit together?!!!!

Plus bitching like (as a pp correctly stated) a fucking 6 year old AND trying to make you have an EVEN LATER bedtime or earlier morning/more to do tomorrow by stopping you laying the table in YOUR HOME wtf!

Seriously! Words need to be had with all 3 of these supposed adults who supposedly love you now! Where is your husband in all this too? You need his support. You need to be the ones to tell them enough is enough but his support is essential.

Absolutely ludicrous situation! Who took him home? Why didn't they just wait with him and bring him back once he'd gathered his things? Which at the VERY LEAST he should have bagged up ready to go or is he so pathetically useless he hasn't even done that!

Following a pps lead

Brother - GROW THE FUCK UP and stop expecting everyone to dance round your immature pathetic lack of organisation

Ops parents APOLOGISE to op NOW stop enabling your son to be a fuck up and in fact give him the bollocking HE deserves for screwing with plans that have been in place for some time.

Honestly!

QueSera · 25/12/2016 00:30

Ffs OP - you've got to stop pandering to this rude man-child, stop letting him treat you like shit, and stop letting your parents treat you like shit. It wont be pleasant, but neither is living under their thumb. You are worthy of respect and nice treatment. Remember that.

PlymouthMaid1 · 25/12/2016 00:31

Tell him your car won't start and then never invite him again.

BlackeyedSusan · 25/12/2016 00:35

ffs do not go.

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 25/12/2016 00:35

You sound awfully passive. You also seem unaware of the idea that someone can be seriously annoyed with you and that is OK and you can choose to do fuck all about it, just leave them being pissed of with you.

They say you have ruined Christmas so apparently that means you have to do what they want. He says he wants to wrap presents so apparently you change your sensible plan of laying the table. Ffs he can crouch on the floor or do it at home before his taxi arrives.

Just don't go and get him. Unplug the landline and turn off the mobile, switch them on in the morning secretly. No one need ever know. He didn't call. No missed calls on your phone, no one heard the landline ring. Maybe he was too drunk to know what he was doing.

ALittleMop · 25/12/2016 00:37

NO FUCKING WAY
Sorry OP but he can either:
a. get a taxi tonight
b. get a taxi in the morning
c. get a lift from family members who are visiting in the morning
d. have one of your parents go fetch him tonight
e. have one of your parents go fetch him in the morning.

Your parents are Doing and Absolute Number on you. I dare you to show them this thread. You are hosting the whole family, caring for your DCs and making it Christmas. All he had to do was show up. The lazy selfish arse.

SantasSackAndJingleBalls · 25/12/2016 00:37

I certainly wouldn't be leaving my house at this time of night for an hours round trip when I have kids to get up with in the morning & I have other things to do.

You need it seriously put your foot down & just say no! He's taking the piss.

Graphista · 25/12/2016 00:41

I think (and I include myself in this to a degree I'm just so angry on your behalf).

We need to remember the op will have been conditioned by the parents not only to mollycoddle the brother but to accept them treating her like shit when she doesn't. Classic golden child/scapegoat dynamic. Like the gellers in friends, he's the little prince and can do NO WRONG she's the failure that can do NO RIGHT.

It's horrible and happens far too often and is only very recently being recognised and understood.

sheldonesque · 25/12/2016 00:43

If I couldn't get off with necking a bottle of Baileys and being unfit to drive, then I'd suck it up this year.

But if I was such a despicable person or was deemed to have ruined Christmas, then this year would be my last year of catering for them. Ever. They just wouldn't be welcome any more.

bloodyteenagers · 25/12/2016 00:46

Suck a shame you are tired. I would go to sleep. Let him/your parents deal with his shit.

Graphista · 25/12/2016 00:48

Unfortunately people like this even if op went to sleep I wouldn't put it past them to wake her and make her get up, dressed and go get him at 3 am!

robinia · 25/12/2016 00:48

What ALittleMop said :)

Bogeyface · 25/12/2016 00:55

I suspect that the reason the OP isnt posting is because she is currently doing a 1 hour round trip to pick the asshole up.

I would have gone to bed and turned my phone off.