BIL cancelled 3 days before Christmas

[chunky1]

AIBU to be very upset/ disappointed by this?
DH and I function very differently from BIL/SIL which is fine as essentially we are all different. We try to be organised-ish and be on time etc where as BIL/SIL often cancels last minute and only ever apologises when they are 30mins late... over the years this has caused some friction but we ignore it as we are family...
This year our BIL is due their 2nd child mid Dec and we therefore offered to host Christmas as we are only 20 mins away. We have children ourselves so have all the baby things eg cot, and we will have food for their toddler. We decided to host mainly to make life easier for them and they were aware of this. The plan was made end of Nov.
This is their 2nd child so they should know the challenges of the newborn phase.
Yesterday, BIL called and 'casually' mentioned that they are not coming over for Christmas. DH who usually sweeps things under the carpet, went livid. BIL excuse being they have a newborn - but surely they knew this in the last 9 months??
I have been up past midnight 2 nights last week pre ordering food (not their fault, just the only time I had) and accomodating to their dietary needs. We now have £200 worth of food in fridge/ freezer and DH's only sibling bothers to tell us 3 days beforehand they are not coming... I am disappointed and quite pissed off. AIBU? Or should I be more understanding they have a newborn???

OP - you must cancel the cheque.

They sound like total arses.

You are well shot of them.

What a bunch of bastards

I have only read the first couple of pages and I can't believe how people are saying yabu!

Ya definitely not BU!

Rude behaviour- I wouldn't invite them again and a three week old baby is more of a reason to go out for food!

Can I come for lunch?

OP's not back because she's in the kitchen cooking them a full Christmas dinner with all the trimmings to 'drop round'.

It does seem U not to be able to manage to come out for lunch with family who are geared up for young children. But I hosted Christmas and Boxing Day for my own parents and ExPILs every year alternating days. DS2 was born on Dec 4th by CS when DS1 was 19 months and everything carried on as normal.

Sorry, but I'd be overjoyed, less work and faffing about listening to babies crying. Lucky you.

I can see why you're annoyed. I hate folk cancelling at the last minute. But I suppose their baby will only be a couple of weeks old. Still I think they could come round for the meal since it's all arranged and only stay a couple of hours. It's not as if they live very far away.

FFS, why don't people bloody READ the thread before commenting?! There is no fucking need for OP to take food round to her BIL and SIL's because the BIL and SIL won't be there - they sacked off OP to go to SIL's mother's house for Christmas!

Based on the update they are going to her mums, then scrub round my original post. They are simply nasty and rude and that's absolutely not acceptable behaviour. You don't accept someone's invite for Xmas, change your mind three days before and go elsewhere, I would have a word about it, I really would.

Drop food around is going to be the sequel to Cancel the Cheque.

They're going to her mother's!!!

Agree with being about all this "new mother" bullshit.

Unless her baby was born in a manger surround by animals and randomers with essential oils, it's not that special. You don't push out your manners with the placenta.

Don't offer them any more invites.

If in the future they ever prove you as to why they have never been invited to your house remind them:

Christmas 2016 you were supposed to come to us for Christmas. It was agreed and everything arranged; a lot went into the planning, shopping and meals taking into account any dietary requirements and wishes. Children were expecting you and excited. Then 3 days before you cancelled - after everything we disninclsuing spending a lot of money if food that went to waste as we bought to cater for X many. You didn't offer a reason and then we find out from MIL that you dumped us for another offer. So sorry if you feel left out, maybe in future you show respect and stick to plans and arrangements unless something drastic changes it, not simply a 'better offer'.

They are 20 minutes away and are totally bu. You are providing all the hospitality and am sure you would be letting it easy and wouldn't expect her to stay late if she's shattered.

Such rude people. I wouldn't bother inviting them again.

Enjoy your Christmas with much less work to do.

Gosh this thread is therapeutic!!

Feeling MUCH better after some wine and also frankly, now v relieved that I am not spending my Friday night making from scratch the nut-free and egg-free veggie lasagne that I was supposed to make (hence the 2 online shopping sessions spanning over an hour, cos had to read every bloody ingredient on every product!!!)

Some of you are right- I was a fool for ever thinking they would make it with a newborn. They only ever turned up to 70% of family events even before they had kids!!!

No more invites from me- bet they won't even notice til its 2019!!

Merry Christmas all xxx

I'd be more than furious your husband is doing FA of the prep.

now v relieved that I am not spending my Friday night making from scratch the nut-free and egg-free veggie lasagne that I was supposed to make
that's the spirit (and they do sound like hard work)
Happy Christmas

Tbh maybe they decided they wanted to spend their first christmas alone with their newborn I can understand why your annoyed at cancelling last minute but I wouldnt be livid there adults their choice

Oh okay they decided to go round the mums yeah very rude

I cant stand flakey people. From now on assume they will always let you down and don't put yourself out for them. Then if they do bother to come to anything they will need to provide special requests themselves.

YANBU!
Surely 2 adults can get a toddler and baby ready for a day out! A day they can just sit around doing nothing for goodness sake.
Do people really stop doing everything because they have young children?? Get a grip. Most of us just get on with it.
They sound awful

"Surely 2 adults can get a toddler and baby ready for a day out"

Yes, they can, because they are going to her mother's!

Cancelling because of newborn is annoying but understandable, however there is a HUGE difference in calling specifically to cancel, apologising profusely for changing plans and offering to give you money for the food they must have known you'd bought, and what they've actually done I.e mentioned it offhandedly last minute.

I think you are fully entitled to fine

THEY ARE GOING TO HER MOTHERS!!!

But have they cancelled the cheque 😉?