BIL cancelled 3 days before Christmas

[chunky1]

AIBU to be very upset/ disappointed by this?
DH and I function very differently from BIL/SIL which is fine as essentially we are all different. We try to be organised-ish and be on time etc where as BIL/SIL often cancels last minute and only ever apologises when they are 30mins late... over the years this has caused some friction but we ignore it as we are family...
This year our BIL is due their 2nd child mid Dec and we therefore offered to host Christmas as we are only 20 mins away. We have children ourselves so have all the baby things eg cot, and we will have food for their toddler. We decided to host mainly to make life easier for them and they were aware of this. The plan was made end of Nov.
This is their 2nd child so they should know the challenges of the newborn phase.
Yesterday, BIL called and 'casually' mentioned that they are not coming over for Christmas. DH who usually sweeps things under the carpet, went livid. BIL excuse being they have a newborn - but surely they knew this in the last 9 months??
I have been up past midnight 2 nights last week pre ordering food (not their fault, just the only time I had) and accomodating to their dietary needs. We now have £200 worth of food in fridge/ freezer and DH's only sibling bothers to tell us 3 days beforehand they are not coming... I am disappointed and quite pissed off. AIBU? Or should I be more understanding they have a newborn???

Oh I don't know on this one, can see both sides

However it is not worth falling out over

I can see why you were initially miffed. But it's incomprehensible that, with a history of cancelling and with you having had kids yourself therefore knowing what this period is like, you assumed they'd make it!

That is shocking. They clearly have no consideration for you and your family. So rude.

Yeah, sure they are, and sure she is.

I hope you have learned something from this OP and won't waste food on them ever again. Well done for taking their share to a homeless shelter. I'm sure the people there will appreciate it more than your BIL and his family would have

RUDE

I hope you tell them how rude they are. I fucking would.

Wow they are rude. Good on you for donating to the homeless. At least they will appreciate it.

I would say nothing and never invite them again for any event. I'd send gifts for the children but nothing more. I can't believe they would be going elsewhere for Christmas after already committing to you.

It is a bit thoughtless but are you sure that your SIL wasn't telling your BIL this was too much all along and he just wasn't listening?
In that situation I would be miffed about the food etc (can you freeze some of it?) but also secretly relieved that I wasn't having to spend the day/night working around the needs of a newborn and their family.

Wow, just seen your update. Cancelling at the last moment because of new baby chaos is one thing. This is quite another! She probably finds it easier being with her own DM but it's really spectacularly bad mannered to do what they've done! Some people just think about themselves.

Sorry missed the homeless shelter donation, good call.

I recon Bil was slow passing on the change of plans

Beyond rude. I would be very hurt and upset (and really angry). I hope you have a lovely Christmas Day without them anyway.

Blimey completely utterly rude!!!!!

They have past form of cancelling at the last minute and being inconsiderate.
They knew they would have toddler plus newborn in advance and only have 20 minutes to travel.

OP- YANBU at all and sound like a kind host who makes an effort and are fed up with them being selfish and inconsiderate.

This is their 2nd child so they should know the challenges of the newborn phase.

You lost any potential sympathy from me with that line. Yes, it is their second. Adjusting to two is hard. As you say they are only 20mins away, why not take some of that food you are moaning about and drop it off for them?

BIL called MIL today to tell her that they are going to SIL's parents instead on 25th - so after all this analysis, thats the real reason lol, essentially we got trumped.
SIL has just been sale shopping so I think she isn't coping too badly

Just a thought..when I had PND and was having a nightmare with breastfeeding I relied on my parents a lot. Apart from anything else, my Mum was the only person apart form DH I felt I could cry in front of and admit to how much I was struggling. I probably could have dragged myself round the shops (just to get out of the house because everyone kept telling me I MUST get out of the house) but couldn't have coped with visiting anyone other than my DP for more than an hour or so.

Maybe they really are just inconsiderate twats, but all I'm saying is maybe there's more to it.

Sorry, just seen last update.
You obviously know them far better than most of the responders on this thread! Enjoy your Christmas without them and great idea to donate to the charity.

OP- please don't invite them again!

'As you say they are only 20mins away, why not take some of that food you are moaning about and drop it off for them?'

Because they're dicks.

Forget what I said previously! That was super rude. Get your DH to ask him for the wasted money. It's a lovely idea to give it to a soup kitchen. In the spirit of Christmas and everything.

They sound very self involved. I'm guessing they don't know how much time, money and effort hosting involves but that is no excuse!
I would tell them straight. It's rude

I don't see the problem. Last place I would want to be when I've just had a baby is with my in laws. I'd want to relax around my own family.

So don't accept an invite from your in laws then! Duh.

Cancelling because it's too difficult to contemplate leaving the house or seeing anyone - that's reasonable and perhaps they couldn't have predicted or kept hoping the new baby would be easier in a week or two.

Cancelling to go somewhere else is massively rude. Brilliant idea to take spare food to soup kitchen place. That's the true spirit of Christmas.

Luke 14:16-24