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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

BIL cancelled 3 days before Christmas

180 replies

chunky1 · 23/12/2016 13:16

AIBU to be very upset/ disappointed by this?
DH and I function very differently from BIL/SIL which is fine as essentially we are all different. We try to be organised-ish and be on time etc where as BIL/SIL often cancels last minute and only ever apologises when they are 30mins late... over the years this has caused some friction but we ignore it as we are family...
This year our BIL is due their 2nd child mid Dec and we therefore offered to host Christmas as we are only 20 mins away. We have children ourselves so have all the baby things eg cot, and we will have food for their toddler. We decided to host mainly to make life easier for them and they were aware of this. The plan was made end of Nov.
This is their 2nd child so they should know the challenges of the newborn phase.
Yesterday, BIL called and 'casually' mentioned that they are not coming over for Christmas. DH who usually sweeps things under the carpet, went livid. BIL excuse being they have a newborn - but surely they knew this in the last 9 months??
I have been up past midnight 2 nights last week pre ordering food (not their fault, just the only time I had) and accomodating to their dietary needs. We now have £200 worth of food in fridge/ freezer and DH's only sibling bothers to tell us 3 days beforehand they are not coming... I am disappointed and quite pissed off. AIBU? Or should I be more understanding they have a newborn???

OP posts:
RubyWinterstorm · 23/12/2016 16:20

Gosh, i think you sound a bit "un-relaxed".
Not their fault that you take two who nights to order food and spend ££££ on it.

Lovely of you to do that,

but where is your empathy?

With my second newborn I was all over the place. Bleeding pints of blood for weeks on end (it seemed, i would have worried sleeping in someone else's bed, unable to go to the loo due to stitches and spiralling into heavy PND....)

For some people the first weeks with a newborn can be a bit like a car crash, you just try to survive.

Clearly they don't feel up to visiting this year....

Try being nice about it. It's not a snub, it's force Majeure

blueyedboy · 23/12/2016 16:27

chunky,
You sound lovely, and what a generous thing to do!
Don't let this get to you, avoid this type of thing happening again though, to save your sanity.
Have a great Christmas, your way!
( who is relaxed at Christmas time anyway???!?)
Xmas Smile

MTWTFSS · 23/12/2016 16:38

If they are only 20 minutes away, why not cook the food and take it to them? :)

diddl · 23/12/2016 16:43

Can I just point out that they are GOING TO HER MOTHER'S.

daisypond · 23/12/2016 16:44

I think three days' notice is absolutely fine, so it wouldn't bother me in the slightest. It's not like they cancelled on the day or even the day before.

diddl · 23/12/2016 16:49

I suppose it depends on when you shop.

Husband did ours today, so yesterday would have been fine to cancel.

expatinscotland · 23/12/2016 16:52

'If they are only 20 minutes away, why not cook the food and take it to them? smile'

Because they're dicks. And they have plenty of food. And they're going to her mother's.

I'd eat the food myself but I don't spend time cooking for flakey people.

gillybeanz · 23/12/2016 16:54

YABU they have a new born. Take the food over to them as they aren't too far away.
Why is your dh upset when you have done the wifey work for his family?

DearMrDilkington · 23/12/2016 16:57

Read the updates people!

Ciutadella · 23/12/2016 16:57

No, don't take the food to them as they will not be there! (Unless people are suggesting take it to sil's dm, but that would be a bit strange)

(But I think pp may have it when they say dsil may be more exhausted than she predicted and now wants to be with her dm where she can totally relax. Still would have been good to have more notice I agree.)

expatinscotland · 23/12/2016 16:57

Then he can do the cooking for his brother and SIL and loving plates to take over that they might not even have room for in their fridge.

SirChenjin · 23/12/2016 16:59

YANBU at all. Perhaps if he didn't have form and perhaps if he'd appeared more concerned about the effect of his cancelling, but his behaviour is just downright rude. Life doesn't stop because you have a newborn and a toddler.

HermioneWoozle · 23/12/2016 17:01

See it as a bonus. You haven't lost out on anything, there are fewer people to cater for and you won't have to shop for a while.

SirChenjin · 23/12/2016 17:02

Sorry, have just rtft - fucking hell, they are an ignorant pair Shock

Candlestickchick · 23/12/2016 17:03

YANBU. I'm sick of people being told they can't be angry at shit behaviour because newborn.

SummerHouse · 23/12/2016 17:07

Don't let this put a dampener on your Christmas. Xmas Smile

PossumInAPearTree · 23/12/2016 17:09

Well I'd never invite them over for food again.

strawberryblondebint · 23/12/2016 17:19

Totally shit and unacceptable. If they weren't coming they should have told you with at least a weeks notice.
Cut them what slack? They would have came to yours and had everything done. This would boil my piss. Invite yourself to theirs next year and then leave early

SpookyPotato · 23/12/2016 17:30

Cheeky sods. Be glad you're not cooking for them OP! Enjoy Christmas Xmas Smile

ticklingafoot · 23/12/2016 17:39

Having a newborn doesn't entitle people to be twats. I've had 2 and I had the foresight to seeing I could go to events in advance.

ticklingafoot · 23/12/2016 17:51

Read your update. Shocking. I would never invite them over for an event where you're shelling money out again.

pictish · 23/12/2016 19:03

What is this thing on MN whereby new mothers can do whatever the fuck they like anyway? They're women not unicorn foals.

UnicornInDMboots · 23/12/2016 19:05

Pictish unicorn foals! Pmsl!

expatinscotland · 23/12/2016 19:06

'What is this thing on MN whereby new mothers can do whatever the fuck they like anyway? '

And we must cater to them, drop cooked meals round, etc etc.

BumWad · 23/12/2016 19:10

Drop some food round.

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