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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£10 Christmas present from DH

167 replies

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 05:26

Admittedly, I am so fed up with dh at the moment that he can't do anything right and he isn't working so money is tight. I've bought our three children Christmas presents. I'm spending £80 on each of them. I bought my family gifts. He bought gifts for his mum sister and her she. No idea what they got. I checked with my daughter if he got me anything and how much so I could make sure I spent the same and she said it was about £10. I can't get it out of my head that's all I'm worth to him. A tenner. I'm not a particularly materialistic person but AIBU?

OP posts:
GirlOverboard · 22/12/2016 05:43

Isn't £240 a lot to spend on your kids Christmas presents when money is tight? How much did you spend on the rest of your family? I think he's being sensible by sticking to a tight budget. And you can actually buy something perfectly nice for £10, especially in the sales. I do think you sound very a bit materialistic, especially when you equate the price of the gift with how much you're 'worth to him'.

Jenijena · 22/12/2016 05:46

DH and I set a limit - usually £10 - for all Christmas presents to each other. Rather have the thought than stuff...

treaclesoda · 22/12/2016 05:47

Unless there is a huge background story I think you are overreacting. Your worth to him isn't measured in the amount he spends. The country is awash with women in shit relationships who are getting expensive presents from partners who don't respect them. It means nothing.

user1477282676 · 22/12/2016 05:58

I think you're being a bit grabby really. My DH and I don't even get one another gifts....after all, all the money is ours in the end and if we spend on gifts, then that's less to manage day to day with.

Why would you ask what he'd spent? Don't you share finances?

1horatio · 22/12/2016 06:03

That depends. It could be a thoughtful and beautiful present.

If that's the case then yes, YABU!

waitingforsomething · 22/12/2016 06:08

Why is what your husband will spend on your at christmas indicative of how much you are worth to him? Me and my DH do token gifts, it really isn't what christmas is about. I think yabu sorry.

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2016 06:10

I'm not a particularly materialistic person

RaeSkywalker · 22/12/2016 06:11

Maybe he's just worried about money? Or maybe he thinks you'd be annoyed if he spent more because he's not working? I know that hindsight is a wonderful thing, but it would've made sense to set a budget together beforehand- you clearly have different expectations of each other in this area.

For the record, money is tight for us this year too. We've agreed that we won't be buying each other anything. I'd be cross if DH did get me a gift now, as I feel that the money would be better spent elsewhere.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/12/2016 06:21

You're unreasonable to measure your "worth" to your DH in monetary terms. That's really not on.

Having said that, it does depend rather a lot on what the gift is - if it's a thoughtful gift that you will love, then that matters a whole lot more than the cost - but if it's a £10 box of chocolate or similar, that requires almost zero thought, then ok - you have a point.

My DH bought me a nutribullet for Christmas this year. It cost a lot more than £10 but I don't want or need it, so it wasn't particularly thoughtful on his part. But then he's generally pretty bad at picking gifts for me, so it's par for the course really.

Katedotness1963 · 22/12/2016 06:23

A few years ago money was tight for us, we chose to spend our budget on the kids. My Christmas present was socks and I got my husband a paperback.

You don't know that's all he got you, or that it did cost a tenner, but you do know money is tight and he did get you something, so, yes, I think you are being a little unreasonable.

AddictedtoSnickers · 22/12/2016 06:34

No big deal, I've asked DH for a B&Decker sander, approx £15. Very happy with that. Can so picture this post the other way round......

"DH isn't working at the moment and money is tight but I've just found out from DD that he's gone and spent £xxx on bloody Christmas presents for ME. I don't know why he would do this as he knows I'm not a materialistic person. I've already splurged £240 on the DCs and we really can't afford luxuries right now. AIBU to ask to the receipts and take some of it back?"

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 07:18

Yes I know. I work in a department store so after Christmas the place will be full of women returning expensive gifts I'd have killed for.

OP posts:
whoneedswings · 22/12/2016 07:20

Just have a conversation with him, these things are much better talked about and out in the open. DH and I bough each other's presents together and where all things we would of bought anyway (pants, PJs, stationary) and 1 nice thing each. More than £10 yes but things we would of bought eventually, things that'll be used and done with transparency. Talk to your partner, and do it before Christmas Day so you don't ruin it feeling upset.

Bobkinyoyo · 22/12/2016 07:24

Unless you guys are insanely skint and/or had pre-agreed an amount that's stingy as fuck IMO. I'd be livid.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/12/2016 07:28

The guy doesn't have a job, and your arsey because he hasn't spent a fortune on you?!

Wow, grabby as fuck if you ask me. If my DP didn't have a job I would be so disappointed if he chose to spend money we didn't have on presents, Christmas isn't about gifts ffs!

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/12/2016 07:30

Unless you guys are insanely skint and/or had pre-agreed an amount that's stingy as fuck IMO. I'd be livid

What part of he doesn't have a job don't you get?! Livid?! How lovely Confused

countdowntonap · 22/12/2016 07:30

Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before! What if Christmas, he thought, doesn't come from a store. What if Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!

Do you and DH need to get each other presents, especially if money is tight?

PleaseDoNotTagMe · 22/12/2016 07:32

I don't know why you would want to ask your daughter what he spent so you could spend the same in the first place. Why didn't you just get hm a present you thought he would like?

GetTheeBehindMeSanta · 22/12/2016 07:44

Token gifts of little monetary value are quite normal for lots of married couples. Bigger things are often bought together as a matter of course.

Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 07:44

I do buy him gifts I think he'd like and he usually takes them back,l. I bought him a cotton cashmere jumper for his birthday and he returned it and got a coat.

OP posts:
Original poster
lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 07:46

Oh, and I'd have been thrilled with a nutribullet. Obviously with him out of work that's out of the question.

OP posts:
Bobkinyoyo · 22/12/2016 07:51

what

Presumably he does have access to some money? Don't most couples pool everything?

QuiltedAloeVera · 22/12/2016 07:54

Is it possible he's got you something your DD doesn't know about?

Being unemployed when you don't want to be is excruciating. I imagine your DH is deeply worried, embarrassed, ashamed... (Not saying he should be, just projecting)

it feels pretty grim, buying your spouse presents with money that you haven't earned, made me feel like it wasn't really a present for him at all, and I tried to spend as little as possible so that I wasn't spending too much of his money.

Is he generally (like, before he lost his job) a thoughtless selfish bastard? If not, cut him some slack.

Floggingmolly · 22/12/2016 07:56

Do you not see any irony in the fact that you needed to check how much he'd spent in case you inadvertently spent a bit more on him??

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/12/2016 07:57

Yes, lots of people would be thrilled with a nutribullet, DH among them! He's very happy with it. So it's not going to waste. Grin

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