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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

£10 Christmas present from DH

167 replies

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 05:26

Admittedly, I am so fed up with dh at the moment that he can't do anything right and he isn't working so money is tight. I've bought our three children Christmas presents. I'm spending £80 on each of them. I bought my family gifts. He bought gifts for his mum sister and her she. No idea what they got. I checked with my daughter if he got me anything and how much so I could make sure I spent the same and she said it was about £10. I can't get it out of my head that's all I'm worth to him. A tenner. I'm not a particularly materialistic person but AIBU?

OP posts:

Bobkinyoyo · 22/12/2016 07:58

buying your spouse presents with money that you haven't earned

Does this apply to all sahp then?

I'm unemployed at the moment. I see dhs money as my money - I'm doing all the childcare and maintaining the house. Presumably ops DH is doing the same.

JellyWitch · 22/12/2016 08:01

I like having a £10 limit - you can get a few second hand books for that price and homemade goodies are free. If money if tight, it makes sense to do that.

And if you have the cash to spare, you can treat yourself in the sales.

Original poster

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 08:01

He works when he can and keeps that money but there is nothing regular coming in. We've never really done expensive gifts and I'm usually fine with. It, but if it's sweet a or chocolates I'll be annoyed as I've just started a diet

OP posts:

JC23 · 22/12/2016 08:04

DH and I usually budget this sort of amount (although we always end up going over). When you're skint it seems very silly to spend more when you're not actually getting that person exactly what they want/need and the money could be put to better use. A token gift is what's needed. Our budget for the children is £50 each.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/12/2016 08:28

I hope this is a wind up, you sound horribly ungrateful OP

expatinscotland · 22/12/2016 08:32

Wow. My present was under a tenner. So was his. We're skint. You sound like a piece of work. The man has no job.

Nicpem1982 · 22/12/2016 08:36

Me and dh have a birthday and Xmas budget of 25.00 with the odd more expensive gift thrown in if one of us is feeling a bit flush.

I think yabu and it's sensible to have a small budget if money is tight. Surely the important thing is being together as a family

Original poster

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 08:42

I suppose the thing is, I'm the one he has spent the least amount on and I always come last in his list of priorities.

OP posts:

GirlOverboard · 22/12/2016 09:01

How do you know he spent the least amount of money on you if you have 'no idea' what he bought for his family? Or do you mean he spent less on you than the children (which is fair enough isn't it)?

SVJAA · 22/12/2016 09:02

We don't usually buy anything for each other. If money is tight, £10 is quite reasonable IMO.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/12/2016 09:08

Why would you get more than the children?!

I call bs, reporting.

Original poster

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 09:18

He bought presents for his family, not expensive I don't think but more than a tenner I expect. I bought all the children's gifts, I've been saving all year.

OP posts:

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 22/12/2016 09:19

If this isn't a wind up, why are you so fixated on the monetary value of what he's got you? Surely the fact that he has gone and chosen something for you is enough?! Why does it matter to you that it's £10?

dollydaydream114 · 22/12/2016 11:03

"I suppose the thing is, I'm the one he has spent the least amount on and I always come last in his list of priorities."

"He bought presents for his family, not expensive I don't think but more than a tenner I expect."

So, you have no idea what he bought for his family, but you 'expect' he spent more than a tenner? You're making all sorts of assumptions without actually having a clue what the situation is.

Also, how old is your daughter? Does she actually know how much your present cost or is she guessing? Is she certain it's the only thing he's got for you?

If I was working and DP wasn't, I would absolutely not be expecting him to spend money on Christmas presents. I'd just agree that we would get each other something small or just not do presents.

If he's not working, what's he supposed to do? Raid the joint account and spend money that you earned on your present instead, knowing that money is tight? He probably thinks that would be really unfair.

I'm sorry but I think YABU here.

SeaCabbage · 22/12/2016 11:14

I don't know why people are being mean to the OP. If he has spent £40 on his sister and £10 on his wife that does sound a bit shit.

However, OP, why don't you find out how much he spent on his family and find out for sure how much he spent on you? Only then will you know whether or not to be upset.

PoppyFleur · 22/12/2016 11:21

OP is this about more than the monetary value of the gift. Do you feel loved and valued? Is generally appreciative of you?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 22/12/2016 11:25

I hope this is a wind up, you sound horribly ungrateful OP

This.

Gooseygoosey12345 · 22/12/2016 11:25

You'd have killed for the expensive presents people are returning? But you're not materialistic? I'm afraid you are very materialistic. If an expensive present at Christmas is what you're valuing your relationship on I feel sorry for your OH. You don't even know what he's got and you're already complaining. Quite frankly, if you were my OH you'd get nothing.

BarbaraofSeville · 22/12/2016 11:32

Do you not see any irony in the fact that you needed to check how much he'd spent in case you inadvertently spent a bit more on him

^^ This. Presents between couples is a bit bonkers when all the money comes out of the same pot anyway. £10 is fine as a token gift. Anything else you just buy as you go along, due to need, affordability etc.

Would you rather he spent a lot of money you can't afford on something you don't really need?

You could have lots of lovely presents for £10. A bottle of wine and a DVD to watch together, chocolates, sometimes you can get a bottle of baileys or gin for that money. Fancy bubble bath, whatever you like.

OurBlanche · 22/12/2016 11:35

OP, I think I get it!

He doesn't work much... is that something that bothers you? Could he try harder?

You work, you say you saved all year for the DCs presents, so he hasn't contributed there, I assume. Do you feel your partnership lacks equality?

He seems quite happy to let you know your gifts aren't quite what he wants. Do you feel he dismisses your feelings?

He has bought his family presents and you think he has scrimped on yours... so now you and your DCs seem to be at the bottom of his list of priorities.

It isn't just the present, is it?

What would you like to happen?

Sparlklesilverglitter · 22/12/2016 11:36

If he's working and money is tight, would you really want him to go and spend money that you don't really have just so you have a present?

If it's sweets well your dc will enjoy won't they

What is wrong with some people? Look at your life you have healthy happy children? Yes. You've got family for Christmas? Yes. Now go and look at the news and look at that £10 present again

EatTheCake · 22/12/2016 11:41

So you don't have much money and your DH isn't working much and your stamping your feet because you got a present that only cost £10. What did you want him to spend loads so you could moan?

If it was your birthday I would maybe feel a touch sorry for you but it's Christmas, your an adult and you know you can't afford it.
You don't know how much the gifts for his Mum & sis were your just guessing.

You open your presents, you say thank you and you move on with your day and forget about this silly ness.

Compared to the people I work trying to help in the hostels you are bloody Rich this Christmas

hoopyloopy2 · 22/12/2016 11:47

We are in the same situation with DH not working & money tight - so I totally understand how hard it is, especially at this time of year. It can be so easy to take to your corners and we struggle to get out of them at times. We agreed to buy each other a tiny present from the kids so I've gone for a cocktail strainer (he does want one!) and some of his fave chocolates.

Really hope 2017 brings him and my DH better luck on the job front.

TheDevilMadeMeDoIt · 22/12/2016 11:47

Thank you Blanche - you've just saved me typing out exactly the same things.

Seconded to Blanche's post!

MinesAGin · 22/12/2016 11:48

Oh come on, everyone!

The OP doesn't want to be her husband's lowest priority - why would she want that?

OP, you said, "He works when he can and keeps that money" - why does he get to keep all his own money?

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