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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

£10 Christmas present from DH

167 replies

lilypoppet · 22/12/2016 05:26

Admittedly, I am so fed up with dh at the moment that he can't do anything right and he isn't working so money is tight. I've bought our three children Christmas presents. I'm spending £80 on each of them. I bought my family gifts. He bought gifts for his mum sister and her she. No idea what they got. I checked with my daughter if he got me anything and how much so I could make sure I spent the same and she said it was about £10. I can't get it out of my head that's all I'm worth to him. A tenner. I'm not a particularly materialistic person but AIBU?

OP posts:
Underthemoonlight · 23/12/2016 07:38

Wow he isn't working we've been in the situation at Christmas where I was only
workinf it was bloody awful our main priority was ensuring the DC were catered for and we got small items socks chocolates nothing big did I care? No because I didn't need to have anything all that matter to us was my DC got what they asked for.

DoofusMcXmas1 · 23/12/2016 08:14

I hope it isn't chocolate, I've just started a diet

Can't believe nobody picked up on this, what a ridiculous thing to say not to mention a ridiculous time to begin a diet, quite contrary. You, yourself, have said that your DH can't do right for doing wrong atm and I think this is skewing your view on things.

Anyway, OP you only seem to be making comment when posters write something in your favour and haven't answered any questions. Obviously that's up to you but it's quite frustrating.

And to the poster who said what can you even get for £10?!......last year money was very tight and OH and I agreed on no presents. On xmas morning he gave me a gift.....a nurses fob watch with my name engraved on it. The watch itself was £8.99 from argos and he had managed to wangle free engraving. To me it was priceless and takes pride of place every shift.

Klaphat · 23/12/2016 11:31

Because people don't. Still works perfectly well with no issues.

Not sure it sounds like OP would agree with that.

That surely only works when the two partners bring in enough money each?

1horatio · 23/12/2016 11:43

*Klaphat

DH is currently the primary caretaker of DD and has reduced work/is doing a lot from home.

This doesn't mean we put everything in the same pot and yet it still works...

Klaphat · 23/12/2016 14:33

DH is currently the primary caretaker of DD and has reduced work/is doing a lot from home.

This doesn't mean we put everything in the same pot and yet it still works...

How? We don't physically put money in a joint account but we consider it all joint, except the equal amounts we put in our personal spending accounts. Does your DH bring less money in now, then? If so, does he get less money than you do to spend on himself if that's how you arrange things?

TrustySnail · 23/12/2016 15:47

1horatio I wholeheartedly agree. I've never liked the idea of joint accounts - I have seen too many instances of everything going horribly wrong when people split up. I earn significantly more than my husband, so I just have more of the bills set up on my current account, and transfer money to him if he needs it - perfectly simple, and I don't have to keep checking the balance of my account because I know I'm the only one using it.

Klaphat · 23/12/2016 16:26

1horatio I wholeheartedly agree. I've never liked the idea of joint accounts - I have seen too many instances of everything going horribly wrong when people split up. I earn significantly more than my husband, so I just have more of the bills set up on my current account, and transfer money to him if he needs it - perfectly simple, and I don't have to keep checking the balance of my account because I know I'm the only one using it.

The point was not joint accounts, it was joint money. It sounds like your money is joint...

TrustySnail · 23/12/2016 16:59

Sorry, Klaphat my misunderstanding. Our day to day expenditure is effectively joint, yes.

elliehopemum · 23/12/2016 17:25

Mine brought me a half knackered plant from Asda last night reduced to £1.55 and I love it 😂 If I can fix it and get it growing again I'll be over the moon and he knows that. That is my only gift this year from him and I don't care !

123yourusername · 23/12/2016 17:32

A lot of people seem to be disagreeing with you.. although I'd also be very pissed off! Unless you'd agreed together that you were going to just do kids presents and not each other. There's nothing worth having that you can get for £10 IMO. Maybe Hopefully your daughter is winding you up and you get a nice surprise

Littleballerina · 23/12/2016 17:35

Your bit about working in a department store and having to watch ladies return expensive presents that you would die for reminds me of George Orwell describing the waiters in Paris who assumed the characters of those that they served hoping to one day live their lives.
Be great full. Ignore what others have.

SanityAssassin · 23/12/2016 18:08

money no object here but DH probably spent about £10 on books for me most of which are second hand. I've spent around £12 on him.

Really can't be bothered about gifts for us - I can spend what I like when I want as can he.
No idea what we have spent on the kids this year but probably £2-300 each when you add it all up - that's where the joy is- seeing them opening and enjoying stuff.

Mindtrope · 23/12/2016 18:13

There's nothing worth having that you can get for £10 IMO.

Glad I don't have that problem. I could think of lots of things that I would appreciate for that money.

ineedamoreadultieradult · 23/12/2016 18:34

There's nothing worth having that you can get for £10 IMO

I'm glad I don't have that problem, imagine never buying yourself a nice box of chocs or some posh crisps, or a book to read in the bath because it's under a tenner so obviously not good enough for you.

ilovechocolate07 · 23/12/2016 18:41

If money is tight then £10 is better than nothing. Could your daughter have got it wrong? We're OK for money this year but we still haven't gone over the top on each other. At a rough estimate I've spent £50-60 on him and he has spent similar on me.We have had years where we haven't been able to buy anything for us for Christmas and it hasn't been any less special.

Theladyloriana · 23/12/2016 18:41

This has to be a wind up, surely.

tooclosetocall · 23/12/2016 19:08

You say money is tight so £10 seems fine to me. Better that than buying just for the sake of buying. Think yourself as a Royal this year, they (reportedly) don't go OTT on presents Xmas Smile

WaitrosePigeon · 23/12/2016 19:14

He's not working, money is tight? What do you expect him to do Hmm

WaitrosePigeon · 23/12/2016 19:15

Lady it must be. Surely.

somewheresomehow · 23/12/2016 19:32

money aint tight in (mine) this house but i will only get something from the kids and sweet F A from H like i did on my birthday , at least you get something hes chosen for you

pollymere · 23/12/2016 20:11

Two questions here...is your daughter reliable in such matters? Mine certainly isn't. And secondly, my dh once spent very little on my but spent hours finding the out of print book. It was the best gift I'd ever had. I suspect if he's not working, he's probably worried that you'll feel he's wasting money whilst trying to put on a good front to his family. If he has spent the least on you, this could be that he sees you as part of his team. You already know money is tight but maybe he wants to present a business as usual front to everyone else.

1horatio · 23/12/2016 20:22

Klaphat

Oh, in this case I misunderstood.

Yes, we have a joined account where we pay the same percentage of our salary into.
But DH has his own money as well. Obviously not as much as when he was still researching and lecturing full time. But then again, I don't have the same amount of spending money anymore either. But both of us had the same percentage of decrease in spending money (but not the same amount of spending money) so basically I currently transfer a certain amount each month to DH. (I'm not sure that sentence makes sense in English, sorry). Or that's at last the simple version of our finances.

I'm not typing this because I want to talk about money. But I just thought something like that could work for the OP as well?

1horatio · 23/12/2016 20:24

Btw, last year DH cooked a meal (my favourite... he had to get the recipe from DM), we watched a movie and he gave me an awesome massage. That certainly wasn't an expensive gift but it was really awesome and I treasured it.

My gift to him cost a bit more. But so what? It's about the thought not the amount imo.

1horatio · 23/12/2016 20:28

Shoot, anyhow. What I'm trying to say is that there are many ways to find a just and reasonable solutions.

Ours is based on a plan (savings, spending money, joint account etc for both of us) and a lot of T calculations.(not sure what they're called in English).
But from what I read (haven't read the whole thread) the OP may want to look into something like this...

CurlsandCurves · 23/12/2016 20:30

DH and I don't do presents for each other and haven't for years. We treat each other throughout the year where we can with the occasional night out, or night away if the parents will oblige.

I'm not bothered about receiving a Christmas present at all, it's a cliche but for me it's all about the kids having fun.