£10 Christmas present from DH

[lilypoppet]

Admittedly, I am so fed up with dh at the moment that he can't do anything right and he isn't working so money is tight. I've bought our three children Christmas presents. I'm spending £80 on each of them. I bought my family gifts. He bought gifts for his mum sister and her she. No idea what they got. I checked with my daughter if he got me anything and how much so I could make sure I spent the same and she said it was about £10. I can't get it out of my head that's all I'm worth to him. A tenner. I'm not a particularly materialistic person but AIBU?

I get nada.

What do you mean you bought for the kids? Isn't your money joint?

I've spent £2.25 on DH. I love him dearly. It's no reflection at all of his worth to me

Wow.
When i wasn't working i couldn't spend a lot on my dp yet he didn't think i was tight, or check how much i spent incase he spent more on me.
He didn't want me to buy him loads! It wasn't sensible, i didn't have a job.
He still spoilt me even though i couldn't do the same.
You may not be, but you do sound really ungrateful.
If he doesn't have a job why would you want him to spend loads of money on you?
What's more important, an expensive gift that you can show off but you struggle for money in the new year, or something little and you don't worry where the next penny comes from?

YABU to say that you are not materialistic then talk about other people's expensive gifts that you'd 'kill for'.

YABU. You sound really grabby, tbh. However, you also sound as though you are fed up with your husband for all sorts of other reasons.

If my dh only spent £10 on me but it was something that was really special/personal, or that I'd really wanted, that would be fine. Because I know he really loves and values me in other ways. You sound as though you don't feel valued by your husband.

And please don't measure your worth to anyone in terms of the value of a present. By that token, my dh is worth £50 to me, and my dc are woth £90 and £120 as that's what I've spent on them. When in fact they are worth the world to me.

My DP got made redundant in the summer and is still not working - I've told him not to get me anything!

We don't buy each other presents and we have only been married a year! We can see the whole Christmas gift buying frenzy for what it is - the retailers emotionally blackmailing people into spending money in their stores.

I would be cross if my DH bought me something using our joint money - I can buy myself something I need or really want any time of year - why add to the financial pressure of Christmas buy making it mandatory to buy an expensive item as well as the other expense that comes this time of year (food and drink etc).

Christmas isn't just about presents - it is about being together and making merry in the depths of winter (or has a religious dimension if you are into that). Have the guts to buck the trend and tell the retailers to do one!

You don't have a lot of money right now so what did you want him to do? Go out and spend loads of money you do not have and then what you moan for weeks because he spent it?

It does not mean your only worth £10 to him it means money is tight, and your an adult so should be able to understand this.

You don't know how much the gifts for his Mum & sis cost. The may of been £10 as well. You don't even know what his brought them let alone how much it cost.

You will still have a gift to un wrap Christmas morning
You have your family at Christmas

So yes I do think yabu

Is this really about the present, or is the present a hook for other frustrations?

Are you assuming he spent more on his family because there's a bigger picture here and you normally feel he thinks about you last?

I don't think it's what you're worth - you've said money is tight. Our money is always tight so we decided when we had children to not buy for each other anymore .... the money is both of yours in any case so if you're struggling why would you want him to spend more? Doesn't make sense

My uncle was horrible to my aunt and he paid her in diamonds. This Christmas Mr Elbows and I will get nothing from each other. December is an outrageously expensive month for us and there are bigger priorities than buying stuff we don't need. We'll spend Christmas together with our children and our little family is worth more than any "must have" tat. After 20 years and three children our relationship doesn't have a financial equivalent value.

I think my husband is getting me a book that will be about a tenner (that's what I asked him for anyway) and might be getting me a small trivial surprise. I'm getting him socks and a couple of DVDs. We moved this summer and are paying for new windows early next year. We generally set a budget for presents and give each other suggestions, but what we don't do (which you seem to be) is making it some kind of test for each other. Obviously we don't want to go wildly over or under budget, because that might be embarrassing for one or both of us, but we don't spend exactly the same. We tell each other what we would like, because that works for us. It seems like there are a lot of other tensions in your situation though.

A tenner doesn't sound much if as a couple you are comfortably off, but you say you're not. It seems sensible to cut back on gifts to each other. Besides, he might have something additional in mind DD doesn't know about.

You sound like a child.

I don't think the value of presents mean anything. It really is the thought that counts. The last few years money has been tight for us but DH has literally picked up a small leather goods piece for me from the mall near where he works. Two years ago iPhone case, last year glasses case. I Know he spent zero time and effort on these gifts, even though they prob cost about £150 each. But I always say 'oh lovely, I love it!' This year I'm back at work, I have spent about £600 on him and I know I will get a similar shitty gift maybe a key ring or notebook so I already have a plan to buy myself something lovely in the sales. Our relationship is pretty shit at the moment and I am hoping he may have made an effort but deep down I know he won't bother. Maybe of you are happy you don't worry about what the present 'means'. YANBU.

You sound very materialistic

We had a jointly agreed £10 limit- I got an album I'm looking forward to playing loudly in my car )I didn't even know it was out, I'm really pleased).

DH got a keyring with the co-ordinates of the bar we met in 19 years ago. He was touched that I'd had it made (I am remarkably unromantic!).

£10 gifts can be way more thoughtful than £100s thrown at a present at the last minute.

Tbh it sounds like your husband is the only person being fiscally responsible

I want to third Blanche - I think the OP is getting a horrible pasting here and it's totally undeserved

Well OP said money is tight but obviously not that right as she's spending a few hundred on the kids. So presumably if he can spend £10 he can spend £50... I'd be very pissed off too OP. What can you get for £10?!

"that's all I'm worth to him"
"He can't do anything right"
Op says she isn't materialistic and then complains about the cost of the gift and talks about other people getting expensive things she would die for.

People are still trying to find a way the husband is unreasonable.

But if money is tight isn't it usually the done thing to prioritise the children?

£80 isn't excessive, but isn't loads either. Not XBox or bike territory or whatever a standard 'big present' is these days.

Sorry I mean not that tight- if you can spend £80 on the kids he can spend that on you. Unfair OP

We don't usually buy much for each other and one year we were saving for a holiday, and my husband bought me a refillable bottle for the gym. Loved it! He'd heard me moaning about bottles leaking in my bag so bought one which wouldn't leak and in my favourite colour too. Less than a tenner but he'd obviously listened when I thought he wasn't and had put some thought into it. 10 years on I still use that bottle.