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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to say 'no devices' to my adult family on Xmas day?

181 replies

runlulurun · 21/12/2016 11:32

My parents, sister and young niece are coming to stay for a few days over Christmas.

What I would like to do is collect all phones when they arrive (including mine and DH's) and then let them have them at designated 'phone times' for says 10 minutes to check messages before putting them away again. But even I can see that may be a tad controlling given that they are aged 40-70 Grin

How can I discourage it? Dsis is absolutely glued to her phone at all times and DH and DF aren't much better and I find it incredibly annoying. How do I get them to put their phones/tablets down and get the fuck off facebook/twitter/bbc sport? I think they'd all enjoy themselves more if they were a bit more 'in the moment'

I think my sister already find me somewhat bossy and sanctimonious...Blush is there any way I can do it without my whole family thinking I'm a dick? We already have 'no devices at the table'.

Could i ask them to put their phones away for certain periods? Or ask them to keep their phones in a basket in the kitchen so they can go and check them whenever they want but dont just stare mindlessly at them out of habit?

Am I being a dick? Anyway I can achieve this without pissing everyone off?

OP posts:
DubiousCredentials · 21/12/2016 11:55

I love the idea of outphoning them Grin

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2016 11:55

I think it is fine not to host people who are basically turning up for free food and drink but have no intention of contributing even their attention to what's passing, or engage with you at all.

Something to think about for next year perhaps?

Original poster
runlulurun · 21/12/2016 11:55

Oh paradise I love that idea!

Facebook photo of them on their phones may be a bit PA though. I'm a bit more direct with my family and more likely to say 'put your phone down and join in!'

Ok, I will have to be more fun and engaging in order to compete with the internet. Perhaps me and the kids could do a show? Grin

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 21/12/2016 11:56

You could always install a jamming device?

YABU to ban them altogether. YANBU to ban them during meals or to unplug the WiFi.

AddictedtoSnickers · 21/12/2016 11:57

Turning off wifi isn't a proper solution unfortunately. My inlaws don't have internet but my teenage nieces will still have their phones glued to their faces all day including through Christmas lunch.... Hope they do anyway, or else I will lose a £10 bet with DH.

SirChenjin · 21/12/2016 11:58

Ban them during the meals - that's fair enough, but to ban them for the rest of the day? Get lost!

Original poster
runlulurun · 21/12/2016 11:58

milktwosugars not play with someone elses's children, play with their own children!

OP posts:
Scaredycat3000 · 21/12/2016 11:59

Have you asked your guests what their perfect xmas day would be like OP? Have you made changes to reflect your guests preferences that you don't like? Or is it all about how you?
How to make your guests feel judged on the one day social pressure is probably the reason most of your guests are attending. I'm looking forward to a day at home with my family eating, watching at not deafening levels, doing, opening presents, what and when we want. Very glad to not have to celebrate xmas without being miserable and judges by my nearest and dearest.
Or you could be a better host and not bore them so much they just want to entertain themselves.

Flingmoo · 21/12/2016 12:01

collect all phones when they arrive (including mine and DH's) and then let them have them at designated 'phone times'

LMAO. Sounds like you're running a military school or a young offenders institute, not a family Christmas!

I do get the sentiment behind it though. You could just drop some obvious hints like "it's so tempting to be on our phones all the time isn't it - we're trying to set an example to the kids though so trying not to have our phones out too much!"

Or yes, make it into a 'fun' party game rather than an authoritarian rule! I've seen stuff like this online. Phones go in a pile on the table face down, and the first person to check their phone has to do a dare/buy a round of drinks/do the washing up etc.

Bluntness100 · 21/12/2016 12:01

!Play with someone else's children? Set toys up? Fucking hell, I can barely stand that with my own.>if people stopped inflicting opposing ideas of a good time on each other in the name of "family closeness is being all together"... while resenting each other for doing Christmas wrong.

LaurieMarlow · 21/12/2016 12:04

Hugely controlling behaviour. Yes, you would be being a dick to do that.

FeliciaJollygoodfellow · 21/12/2016 12:04

So....the rest of the year they get to please themselves but ok Christmas Day they aren't?

YABU. I get why you want to but it's massively unfair and none of you will enjoy the day with enforcing no devices.

Branleuse · 21/12/2016 12:05

controlling much?

OnionKnight · 21/12/2016 12:07

Killing off the wifi won't work, ever heard of 3G and 4G?

crrrzy · 21/12/2016 12:09

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for privacy reasons.

dingdongthewitchishere · 21/12/2016 12:09

OP, read the comments, that's the problem: people prefer putting their own kids in front of a tablet/computer to avoid playing with their children, even on Christmas day. It's depressing. They are probably the same ones moaning that their teenagers spend their entire summer in front of the tv!

Trethew · 21/12/2016 12:09

How old are your children? Could you prime one of them to get his phone out at the table so you can say in a loud voice "Please put it away till later. You know we don't use phones at the table - it's very rude" My kids enjoyed being part of the plot

Original poster
runlulurun · 21/12/2016 12:09

There are actually some really good comments about people liking to do things in different ways and that my way is not the only way. DSis and I are quite different and yes, she does seem to prefer to watch tv and look at her phone (whatever the occasion). There's enough space that come the evening those who prefer to watch tv, sit quietly, read, whatever can do so in one room and those who want to play games/be noisy go in another room further away so I'm not completely unaware of the fact people like to spend their time differently. I do wish though, that in the day time, they would properly engage with the day. I think in most situations if you actually join in it's more enjoyable than trying to ignore it all going on around you?

OP posts:
Flingmoo · 21/12/2016 12:09
Smile
WIBU to say 'no devices' to my adult family on Xmas day?
Original poster
runlulurun · 21/12/2016 12:11

trethew unfortunately they are 5 and 2!

OP posts:
SirChenjin · 21/12/2016 12:12

I do wish though, that in the day time, they would properly engage with the day

They are engaging in the day - in their own way. Just focus on engaging with the day in your way, and leave others to do as they see fit.

BarbarianMum · 21/12/2016 12:12

Or if what you want is to glue yourself to your phone all day - ignoring your kids, not helping with the cooking, not talking to anyone - you could maybe stay home? Bollocks to the "societal pressure" to get together - chances are they'd not be able to sit on their arses all day doing nowt at home, so they've schlepped over to the OP's for a free feed.

If you can't cope with the duties of being a guest then don't be one!

Artandco · 21/12/2016 12:14

Being forfeited in pub would piss me right off and stop us using. If Dh and I went out to a pub, chances are kids are with a babysitter or at friends. I want them to be able to text or call any question or call with any issues without us having to do the bloody washing up!
Also I like to be up to daye even if that is 'modern'. If I get a text saying dentist in morning is cancelled, although it's not relevant until morning, if I know I'm now free I might rearrange something that evening with someone I'm out with for example.
It might be Xmas, but if I know my flight in 3 days time is cancelled, I don't see an issue with me taking 10 mins out to rebook a new flight. If my grandmother was taken sick I would want my grandfather to be able to get straight in touch etc
Life goes on even if it Xmas.

SirChenjin · 21/12/2016 12:15

Why don't you allocate certain tasks to them if you want help with the cooking and so on, so that they can't sit with their devices while you're doing all the work. The rest of the time is theirs to do with as they wish.

Blacksox · 21/12/2016 12:19

Well you can't do that, obviously.

But what sort of guests or hosts gawp at their phones? How bloody rude.

I have 2 phone addict teenagers, but no way would they be looking at their phones if we had guests or were guests at another house. It would be such bad manners!