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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To warn DB that his GF might not be welcome at ours on Christmas day?

261 replies

KellyBoo800 · 20/12/2016 18:29

My DB is one of my best friends. He works in the emergency services so will be working christmas day evening - him, his gf and her two children are spending the day with my parents.

My parents are coming to me on Christmas day evening for drinks and nibbles and DB asked a month or so ago if his GF and her children could come, and I of course said yes.

Now the AIBU - she has recently announced she is in very early stages of pregnancy. I am undergoing fertility treatment. She is not at all sensitive to my situation (seems to put on a supportive front but makes a lot of comments that just aren't welcome). She did this at my DSDs birthday party two weeks ago and it bothered me a lot and I was quite upset by the time she left. I am happy for her but a little bit of sensitivity wouldn't go amiss, for example if she could not mention 'the bump' every five minutes (she's 6 weeks, there is no bump!). WIBU to ask my brother to keep her away if this is how she will behave?

I don't want to cause any problems with him so I'm tempted just to leave it, but I'm dreading having to face another christmas where I'm constantly reminded of our problems (last year DSD came to us from her mums on Christmas morning, sharing the wonderful news that her mum was pregnant. Happy for her, but a massive blow for me).

Also I know it sounds like I don't like the gf very much but I've tried really hard with her and I am also very nice to her. It's a very new relationship (met in september) so it's a lot to get my head around when DH and I have been trying for so long.

IABU aren't I? I can't actually ask her not to come Sad

OP posts:
ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/12/2016 07:11

Just ignore the trolly weirdo.

Cuttingthecheese · 22/12/2016 07:15

manumisson I am an atheist so no religion comes into it for me.

Manumission · 22/12/2016 07:17

Just pointless hocus pocus then Hmm

Cuttingthecheese · 22/12/2016 07:24

This reply has been deleted

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Manumission · 22/12/2016 07:27

Troll

Mindtrope · 22/12/2016 07:30

cutting- but not all reasons for infertility are genetic.

Bauble16 · 22/12/2016 07:35

I'm probably going against the grain here but yes I think yabu. She's happy and excited, you can't silence a person because it hasn't happened for you yet. You have to learn to not take it personally. I know it's difficult and obly natural you feel some upset. But any fertility problems you have aren't her fault and if you don't learn now to let it go your in for a shock. She cant be expected to shut up forever and told to keep away at Xmas. Wow that's something else

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 22/12/2016 07:39

Or - you could read all the OP's posts and see what sort of comments the GF has been making...

dailyshite · 22/12/2016 07:53

Cutting - your posts may have been deleted but just to ask, if infertility is genetic, how is it being passed on through the generations? Particularly given that infertility treatment is a relatively recent development.

Also (as has already been pointed out), there are many infertile couples out there who are infertile because of surgery or as a side effect of medical treatment for something else.

And finally, you stated that people who are infertile shouldn't feel upset about those who are pregnant being very excited about their pregnancy because it's not the pregnant couple's fault that the person's body doesn't work. Do you extend this logic to other situations where one person's body doesn't work and the other person's does?

Bobkinyoyo · 22/12/2016 07:54

Ignore cutting, she's a troll moron.

Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 07:57

I'm so with some ridiculous comments on here.

If you must know, I am not infertile. I have no issues. My husband has a practically non-existent sperm count. He has already fathered a child so the whole 'genetics' argument is crap - if you're saying mother nature is telling him he shouldn't pass on his genetics then why didn't mother nature pipe up 8 years ago when his daughter was conceived?

Thank you to the majority of posters who have been really helpful. As I've already said, I won't be seeing SIL on Christmas day now anyway but I will be spending Boxing Day with her and will be putting a lot of effort into building a good relationship with her when I feel ready to. Right now a lot of the comments she has made are still very raw but I'm sure that when I've had more time to get my head round our latest bad news that things might be easier.

OP posts:
icy121 · 22/12/2016 08:25

Lol at that basic bitch style of trolling. I like it when trolls expose their ignorance whilst trolling, helps to cement my superiority complex. Top marks cutting.

kelly as a fellow barren, and having RTFT, I'm glad that the GF won't be over now as her kids will be in bed.

I think you've given the GF the benefit of the doubt which is magnanimous of you. I think going by her age, combined with the fact she's on her 3rd baby by different men by the age of 20, it strikes me that she's probably not very well educated and is also very immature. Projecting, she sounds like someone who holds very firm views with no ability/arguments to back them up. Am I in the ballpark?

Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 09:16

Bluntness100 - apologies for getting you confused with a PP and thanks for your supportive comments, this is what happens when I try to mumsnet when I haven't even had my morning cup of tea!

OP posts:
Bauble16 · 22/12/2016 09:56

I've read ops other posts now and yes I agree the SIl sounds awful. OP in future include the details in original OP as a drip feed can be bit confusing. Some threads are so long and if I'm honest rarely CBA to read the lot.

Tbh I don't think you can control who is invited to your parents house. That's not your call. But you definitely need to put sIL straight when she's been a bitch. Sounds to me as if she's feeding off the situation, it's very narcasistic and sadistic behaviour tbh.

Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 10:13

Hi Bauble, the only reason I didn't put details in about their relationship in the OP is because I didn't think it was relevant to what she way saying to me, and I didn't specify exactly what her comments were but I did say that she was making hurtful comments. Apologies for the dripfeeding though it wasn't intended. I also didn't want it to come across as one-sided, because as I've said, she has made some horrible comments but I'm not convinced she has meant them to be quite so cruel and she does have a lot of redeeming factors (the main one being that she makes my brother very happy).

I'm not trying to stop her being invited to my parents house though, she will be spending the day there. It was more about whether she will then come to mine that evening after dinner (and after my brother has gone to work) because that's what my parents are doing. But she won't be so problem solved :)

OP posts:
stopfuckingshoutingatme · 22/12/2016 10:16

If you must know, I am not infertile. I have no issues. My husband has a practically non-existent sperm count

same for my mate, and after IVF (which failed) they naturally had 3 kids. Please don't give up hope OP

as for the SIL, we all have to spend xmas time with annoying relatives c'est la vie unfortunately. Good luck

Cuttingthecheese · 22/12/2016 11:50

This reply has been deleted

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PurpleDaisies · 22/12/2016 11:52

Your comments are disgusting cutting. Why don't you go and find another thread to share your "wisdom" on? Biscuit

Manumission · 22/12/2016 11:53

"Jaffa"?

Are you trying to get yourself banned for a bet or something?

Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 11:57

Great idea I'll just go out and shag some random to get pregnant since my husband is a 'jaffa'

You mentioned earlier that you don't think people with cancer should receive treatment....I sure as hell hope you never get cancer then, wouldn't that be a shame? :)

OP posts:
Cuttingthecheese · 22/12/2016 11:59

It would be a great shame yes kelly however, not much I can do about that really.

What happens will happen

Bluntness100 · 22/12/2016 12:01

Kelly no worries.

Cutting, your argument is illogical, as well as deeply offensive, as plenty of people have infertility treatment and go on to have wonderful biological off spring who grow up to be valuable members of society, if it was about gene pool this would not be the case.

Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 12:02

Luckily my opinion is that infertile people should receive treatment, people with any other illness should receive treatment, I take it the next time you get ill you won't be taking any medication, because it's what nature intended right? :) :) :)

OP posts:
Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 12:03

I'm also guessing you didn't vaccinate your children, because if they got measles then that's just nature's will right?

OP posts:
Original poster
KellyBoo800 · 22/12/2016 12:08

Anyway, I really must disengage with silly little trolls now, back to doing important work.

OP posts:
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