'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

[AmberStClare]

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

I wouldn't give this a second thought, OP. They'll be back together by Christmas.

I would, even if it was for the DC.

Are they witnessing their DM hit their DF? How is she behaving towards them?

Fucking hell, she sounds unhinged. I hope the kids can have a nice Christmas with their dad.

Not read the whole thread, but she may be your sis but she is no relation to the people you're going on holiday with or who are house sitting for you and it's definitely not fair to mess up their Christmas. YANBU.

Encourage your sister's exP to go to the police and report the assault. Men don't tend to like admitting they are the victims of abuse, but it needs to be done. Make sure you let him know you aren't minimising or justifying her violence. Getting it logged with the police is the best move. The children shouldn't be with a violent parent, the fact the violent parent is a mother doesn't make it any more acceptable.

Encourage your sister's exP to go to the police and report the assault. Men don't tend to like admitting they are the victims of abuse, but it needs to be done.

Completely agree.

Your DSis actions are not acceptable. I would also be worried about the DC if she is shouting and screaming at you also.

So she didn't deny she'd hit him then? Well, my sympathy meter for her would be registering zero about now.

I'm sorry she and her DP are putting you two right in the middle of it. You (and their children) deserve much better.

I'd tell her that I supported the idea of the children being with their father and that maybe she should have a 'quiet' Xmas to contemplate the state of her life.

Don't put yourself out too much, I bet they will get back together by Christmas and anything you have done to help will be forgotten then

All this 'you hate me and my kids stuff' sounds awfully manipulative. Coupled with the fact that you have longstanding plans involving other people, and what you've heard from DS's DP, I'd stand clear.

Definitely NBU in my book.

I would encourage the poor man to take photos of his injuries and go to the police. Your sister sounds awful, and I would be supporting him not her.

He needs to go to the police. If your DSis is being physically abusive then they need to know, for the Dc sake if nothing else.

This is difficult when your sister is involved, obviously, but please give him good advice and don't let him minimise the situation.

Your Dsis has wayoverstepped the mark hitting her Dh. Why do some women find it acceptable to hit a man? I have been in an sbusive relationship physically and mentally and it's a nightmare. If he had hit her back there would have been uproar, kids not allowed to see, him supervised visits ect ect.. he needs to log it with the police and gp. She sounds out of control and he and the children need help.

Why are you going to see her? She'll just abuse you. Tell your BIL to go to the police and then butt the hell out. He's a big boy. She's a narc. I wouldn't be arsed with her. Spirit of Christmas, my fucking arse. LOL at the idea of 'bunking up'/imposing 3 extra people in a cottage. Just no.

Text received ten minutes ago, 'You're a bitch, I don't want to see you tonight'!

Going home for a large glass of wine.

Good riddance. Don't go then. Fuck her off.

Frances, wondering the same thing myself

Johnny Prosecco calls!

Or does she have anger management issues?

Well I think her DP black eye and the outbursts at the OP answer that one.

Ah, love the live drama packed updates.
WOT A BITCH SHE IS.

If you don't think your DBIL will report the injuries then you can report to SS yourself, this is truly awful for you DN to witness and they need to put first in your DSis dramas and behaviour.

A black eye is pretty hard to dish out I would think?

Black eyes don't always indicate a particularly heavy blow (as I know from experience having been accidentally head butted by a one year old) it's just a question of whether you hit the wrong place in the eye socket. However, deliberately punching someone in the face is significant intentional domestic violence regardless of the outcome.

"expatinscotland

Why are you going to see her? She'll just abuse you. Tell your BIL to go to the police and then butt the hell out. He's a big boy. She's a narc. I wouldn't be arsed with her. Spirit of Christmas, my fucking arse. LOL at the idea of 'bunking up'/imposing 3 extra people in a cottage. Just no."

Don't hold back will ya!?
Totally agree, however.

Yay OP! Enjoy your wine.

Blimey-has she always been like this?!

Bloody hell, poor kids and her poor dp

All the 'they'll be back together by Christmas anyway' concerns me. DV is not something to make light hearted comments about and a reason not to help. Sister needs help yes, but more particularly so do nephews and their dad.

That said, poster doesn't need to change any plans but I hope there is some supportive intervention for the children.