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AIBU?

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Original poster

'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'

237 replies

AmberStClare · 19/12/2016 17:08

Found this text on my phone this morning when I woke up. I rang her up to be told her DP has walked out on her and her 2 DC so she wants to come to me for Christmas through to New Year.

Told her that my DP and I are going away, cottage share in the West Country with another couple. Planning lots of drinking, walks and adult conversation. This has been booked for months and I thought she was aware of it. She says to me 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. Explained that is not an option as some friends from abroad are housesitting for us (looking after the cats). She said we should tell them to go elsewhere as family comes first and was quite affronted when I said no.

Her other suggestion is they should come to the cottage with us and everyone can 'budge up' and make room for them. (Terms of rental are strictly four people staying.)

WWYD, I am being made to feel a complete bitch who I am told has always hated her and the kids so am being difficult.

OP posts:
thatdearoctopus · 19/12/2016 22:23

FearandLoathing It's not as though the OP lives in a 5 bed house and is home for Christmas, but shunning her sister and banning her from setting foot over the threshold.
She's going away to a cottage that houses a maximum of 4 people. "Budging up" is not an option. Cancelling means losing money and badly letting down close friends.
Letting her use her own house means badly letting down other close friends. And if the OP was home herself, inviting her sister would mean that she and her husband would end up sleeping in the shed in December - mind you, Mary & Joseph managed!

All this for a drama queen sister who is more than likely to be back with her husband before the week is out anyway.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 19/12/2016 22:27

if i split up with my partner and my family offered me a Travelodge I'd be so upset. that is insulting

No, what is insulting is trying to gatecrash other people's holidays or wanting you to cancel other guests or saying that it doesn't suit you!

Nothing to do with Christmas Spirit and everything to do with being downright rude.

icyfront · 19/12/2016 23:34

Her messages don't sound like she's distressed, or frightened of her ex. She sounds like she's decided she wants maximum attention and the OP (and everyone else) is supposed to dance to her tune.

Thegirlonthebus · 20/12/2016 01:15

Against the grain here. She's your sister. It's Christmas. Maybe her kids are feral due to so much instability.... I would move mountains to support my sister - drama llama or not, and we don't have the easiest of relationships. I'm not saying it's not going to piss on your planned Christmas but this is a time to be a little selfless I think. Is it possible to bunk up in the cottage?

echt · 20/12/2016 01:47

this is a time to be a little selfless I think

Being "selfless" would involve screwing the up the Christmas already arranged with the OP's friends and house sitters.

Bogeyface · 20/12/2016 02:06

You can't seriously think your nieces and nephews should wake up on Christmas morning in a bloody Travelodge family room?!

No, they could stay at home with their drama queen mother......

Thegirl the Op has already said that the rental is maximum occupation of 4 people and she has housesitters who will be massively put out at the change of arrangements. The sister could stay at home, she just doesnt want to.

I would have a lot of sympathy for her if it werent for the fact that she has pulled this stunt several times before. I daresay that they will be loves young dream again by Xmas eve anyway......

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/12/2016 02:21

"I would move mountains to support my sister"
And I expect the OP would too, but this is not a case of the sister needing support. Had that been the case, sister would have wanted to see OP, cry on her shoulder etc. But, on being told OP has arranged to be away, what does sister do? She says 'to OP 'no problem, we will stay at yours and housesit'. She's not bothered with OP supporting her; she simply wants to relocate from her own house to deprive the children of seeing their father at Christmas. What 'support' do you honestly think the sister would get from OP's empty house? (Of course it isn't empty, but sister thought it would be when she said 'no problem'.)

The OP cannot 'support' her sister because the sister is not looking for support. She is looking to piss off/punish her partner.

Bogeyface · 20/12/2016 02:36

The OP cannot 'support' her sister because the sister is not looking for support. She is looking to piss off/punish her partner.

Exacty.

If the OP gives her sister anything this Xmas it should be a sit down chat about growing the fuck up.

Clutterbugsmum · 20/12/2016 09:20

Let's face it if OP sister was really upset about supposedly splitting up with her partner/husband would she have just left a message saying 'Plans have changed for Christmas, we're coming to yours'. Surely any normal person would be phoning and phoning to wake her sister up to have a proper conversation.

To me this just sounds like jealousy that her sister may have more fun then her so she needs to ruin it.

OP don't change any of you holiday plans.

Original poster
AmberStClare · 20/12/2016 09:25

Phonecall from DSis's DP late last night. Says she threw him out after a verbal and physical fight. (She attacked him it appears and he has a black eye). Wants to come round later to discuss her and what to do. Will give DSis a call and check she is alright, he hasn't hit her, etc. I doubt it somehow as she has always been a bit slap happy with her men.

Thought for a horrible second he wanted to join us for Christmas at the country cottage.

OP posts:
ohtheholidays · 20/12/2016 10:06

Bloody hell OP your sister just sounds worse and worse!

She physically attacked her DP!?She's lucky he hasn't called the Police on her!

Honestly if I was him I'd be making her leave the house so he can look after his children in the home,it's what everyone would say if a man had hit his wife so why should it be any different when a woman hits a man!

GinIsIn · 20/12/2016 10:14

So he left because she beat him up, and SHE wants to punish HIM for Christmas?! Tell him to take photos of his injuries - she may be your sister but she's unbelievably out of line! Who owns their home/is the named tenant?

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/12/2016 10:26

Tell him to take photos of his injuries

I agree. Plus he needs to report it to the police.

Sister or not DV is not ok.

It looks more and more as if she is trying to stop him seeing the DC aswell. Despicable behaviour!

ChasedByBees · 20/12/2016 10:28

I think the children could do with some continuity now too. It wouldn't be fair on your friends to bring her to the cottage, particularly as she seems so demanding.

Fluffycloudland77 · 20/12/2016 10:28

Blimey.

He ought to press charges, you wouldn't want a slap happy man being in charge of kids.

Her poor kids. I hope this isn't her way of dealing with them when their challenging teenagers.

BigApple11 · 20/12/2016 10:35

Wow Hmm

Saukko · 20/12/2016 10:55

Your plans sound lovely! Both your cottage stay and your friends house-sitting, it sounds so nice and cosy and you have lovely warm relationships with people. Don't alter any of it. Friends like that are gold dust! Bonds can be more fragile between friends and I really wouldn't want to risk any upset.

I... don't really feel bad for your sister. She has abused and hit her husband, he will be in a really confused place right now. She could be gearing up to lie about him and he could still come off worse in a custody dispute, not to mention reputation... But yeah, basically, she can't just make demands on you like that. Few would rearrange such a setup based on another's whim - she is in no great danger and I don't see why she can't just stay where she is and have Christmas in her own home.

My parents had a fight one Christmas Day and we were driven off by one angry parent to various bemused relatives who weren't expecting us. It was tense, awkward, upsetting and pretty much the only childhood Christmas I can remember. I wish we'd just stayed home and they could have simmered/not simmered/whatever, but being shunted from pillar to post was pretty awful.

It's a real shame. Maybe the kids would be better off having Christmas with their Dad while she is kept away for all their safety.

CaraAspen · 20/12/2016 10:59

This is becoming more difficult for you, OP, and if you let it, it will spoil things for you. It is already affecting your feelings of anticipation. None of this is your fault. Do not let it change your original plans.

DeepanKrispanEven · 20/12/2016 11:24

I have to say, I wouldn't want a slap-happy person around my family, so it's just as well you can't "budge over" and have her to stay.

Original poster
AmberStClare · 20/12/2016 11:49

DSis is OK physically, just spoke to her. Told her we had heard from her DP and about the black eye. Got a torrent of abuse for being uncaring and yabba yabba yabba, you hate me, you hate my DC etc etc. Seeing her later and my DP will speak to her DP. Gather he wants to take the children to his parents for Christmas which seems the best for them.

Only three more sleeps until we head for Cornwall where mobile reception is notoriously bad.

OP posts:
PigletWasPoohsFriend · 20/12/2016 11:59

Gather he wants to take the children to his parents for Christmas which seems the best for them.

Good. Tbh I think you should support him in doing it too.

I think when you see your DSis she needs to be told a few home truths.

WhereYouLeftIt · 20/12/2016 12:04

"mobile reception is notoriously bad."
Silver linings ...

EweAreHere · 20/12/2016 12:08

Your sister sounds unhinged and abusive.

Her DP should take pictures and contact the police and social services. It sounds like the children would be better off with him.

MaddieElla · 20/12/2016 12:40

I wouldn't give this a second thought, OP. They'll be back together by Christmas.

FrancisCrawford · 20/12/2016 12:43

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