to not want dh keep taking ds to toddler classes?

[quinnlee]

i dont want him taking him to so many, i dont think its good for small children to have so much structure, he is only 3. will start nursery in jan as it is. currently does at least 2 classes a day. thinks like toddler gymnastics, toddler dance, toddler football, toddler etc. etc. he is a sahd and is really good with him, but isnt this something we get to decide together? i dont want all the income going on those classes, it seems like such a waste to me especially if its doing him no good (i dont think structured classes are good at such a young age like i said) aibu??

Toddle classes are the parents . Once he started nursery . I would have a talk about budget s and what you want to do with your money . Do want want go holidays ect

but i am paying for these and it is a lot! i mean we can afford it

This jumped out at me. You see your salary as your money. If your son enjoys the classes and you can afford them, what is the actual issue?

I think you get a say if it is unaffordable, or dangerous, or potentially damaging to your child. Otherwise no, you don't. You have your job, this is his. If my dh had tried to tell me how to look after the kids all day when I was a SAHM he'd have got short shrift.

On a more practical note, it is quite a lot harder for SAHDs to find company/friendships outside of structured groups, so all the coffee mornings, meet up that SAHMs do may not be available to him.

Can you afford 50 quid a week? If you can, great. If you can't, that's a different conversation.

I had an active DD and spent very possible waking moment out of the house. She was a nightmare unless we were doing something.

When my Dh was the SAHd last year, he had a more active social life than I do now, and was always at the park having picnics with the other mums, or organising meet ups

I think the money is concerning - can DH do a few cheaper things like playgroups or a monthly softplay membership or are those limited where you are? It seems a lot on classes. You would be unlikely to find a nanny willing to do your supermarket shop with the dc, it's a terrible prospect.

What makes you feel it's too much op? Does your dh complain about his behaviour at the classes? Or otherwise during the day? Some kids would hate those classes, some kids would thrive on it. To be honest, it your ds is a child who hates it he would make it very painful for your dh to go and he'd stop taking them anyway?

It's not that you shouldn't have a say but if you can afford them it seems like such a nit picky thing to complain about. They are kids classes, he's not being dragged somewhere inappropriate.

but it still adds time so the whole morning or afternoon can be taken up with a meal and a class.

Surely that's the point? To pass the time of the day? What else would you be doing with your time when you're a SAHP? (I've been one BTW so speak from experience) you're going to be getting from one end of the day to the other regardless of what you do. That time passes anyway so why not pass it getting out of the house, meeting people, socialising, getting exercise, fresh air, learning social skills, using your brain and letting your parent have some adult conversations or some childfree time?

Is he a sahd atm? It may be as much to help structure his day as ds. Being at home trying to entretain a toddler can be tiring and days seem endless. What will happen when nursery starts? Your ds may not be up for as much activity and will your dh be working?

JenLindley - I am currently a SAHM, and last year DH was a SAHD. We both feel that small children need lots of unstructured play time and also time not centered around entertaining/occupying them. My children "help" do jobs at home, cook, paint, meet friends in the park, get bored, kick around the garden, Lego, junk modelling, read books etc. and they do a couple of classes. All valuable

nursery will only be a few mornings, he will still be a sahd

Yabu to suggest 1.5 hrs a day of activity is too much.
Yabvu to say you are paying for the classes. You are a partnership and it is family money.
Yanbu If the money spent is costing too much for you to afford (£10 - £12 a day?? Still far less than nursery) then you should discuss it with him.
Yabvu if you just think he should do less because you want the money spent on somemthing you benefit from, rather than your partner and child.

Long time ago but we had structure - it kept me sane with adult company, taught kids social norms and meant they were tired come bed time. Some were tumbletots or dance with me, some were without me like French play lessons, some were formal like violin from 3 and some unstructured. Some were free like NCT coffee mornings or £1 playgroup and some like the French slightly more. Good mix overall but good introduction to formal education and good to have routine. I did not involve husband in decisions about how to spend day any more than than he asked me to be involved in discussions around how he spent 'men's time' on a Saturday when girls had violin. We trusted each other. If money was an issue we would have discussed but most were free or very cheap.

It's a long day at home. Maybe your dh needs to get out and get some adult conversation? At least 2 groups a day does seem excessive though. Are there no children's centres near you with free activities? Or libraries/museums? Does he know any other mums/dad's to.meet up with the kids? I would meet up.with other mums a lot at the park etc which might be more tricky for your dh to arrange if it's mainly other mums at the groups.

When you think that an awful lot of children are in nursery fulltime at that age, and hour and a half of directed activity sounds great.

yabu.

I would not be happy being a sahm and then being told how to structure my day with a toddler.

He is at home. He is parenting full time. He is the one who gets to decide what is best for them both. As long as it's affordable (and it appears to be) then I think you are unreasonable to dictate what they are doing.

If you cant afford it then its to much but it sounds a bit mental to suggest that your DC should spend more time every day being bored? I mean 90 mins a day doing FUN activities is hardly a punishing regimen.

You should be giving your DH a great big thank you for doing so well. Is there a bit of jealously going on here?

If anything the classes are harder than nursery though - something like music or ballet/sports require a lot of listening and following direction, both my dds' nurseries were mostly free play with the odd story or craft activity. Dd1 found ballet and swimming lessons too hard at 4 because listening and following orders for 25 mins was exhausting. So I don't think it's unreasonable to question two very structured classes per day, esp if money isn't endless.

OP in what other ways are you financially abusive?

financially abusive and jealous?

OP aid let it go for now and discuss the situation with your DH when DS is coming up for nursery. The cost of nursery will be more than you are paying for classes and you will need to discuss finances, plus DS may need more down time when he's not at nursery.
Are there any activities DH enjoys that he can involve DS in eg Lego, football. How about visits to the library?

You should be happy your DH is so proactive. Your son is happy, you can afford it. What is the problem?

Isn't part time nursery free for 3 year olds?

Does ur DH have access to the family or his own bank account? Does he have access and a say in the family finances?

yes, nursery is free?? ben