to not want dh keep taking ds to toddler classes?

[quinnlee]

i dont want him taking him to so many, i dont think its good for small children to have so much structure, he is only 3. will start nursery in jan as it is. currently does at least 2 classes a day. thinks like toddler gymnastics, toddler dance, toddler football, toddler etc. etc. he is a sahd and is really good with him, but isnt this something we get to decide together? i dont want all the income going on those classes, it seems like such a waste to me especially if its doing him no good (i dont think structured classes are good at such a young age like i said) aibu??

I think it's too many activities and clearly for your DH's benefit rather than your DC. Children need time to just be themselves whether at home or at the park. Your DH needs to chill.

They have 10 hours to "chill"

Not when it means shelling out shedloads of family money.

We're waiting on OP to confirm whether its family money, she says the moneys isn't the ishoo but her DH's spending of it because she's financially abusive

Far too much and no need for it.. he'll be starting nursery soon.

Giles - they don't. As others have said it's probably 30 mins to get there and wait for it to start, 45 mins after to take to toilet and chat and head back. More like 2 1/2 hrs for an activity. So that's most the morning gone. Same in afternoon. That's 5 hrs gone. Plus three meals a day 30mins each , and most 3 year olds nap still or at least need quiet time. That's about 7-8 hrs of the day gone. Leaving little time left after you factor in random baths, getting changed, toilet, random trip to get milk, odd story. It really doesn't give you hours a day spare

And a trip to the woods could easily be 4t mins on and off two buses strapped in a buggy both ways..

Exercise is exercise it's recommended. And travelling to town to shop or travelling to a class what's the difference?

Besides classes don't run at weekends 48 hours of doing fuck all if it makes the op happy.

45 mins

I'll bet it's not two classes every day. I'd say he doesn't go to all of them every week and I'm sure there are days where they go to the park or the zoo or swimming or whatever instead.

YANBU. I hate that parents are such a target market for pricey, unnecessary activities. Waterbabies was a case in point for me. Refused to do an activity that cost £12 for 20 minutes or so but 6yo DD can swim 200m. Didn't bother with Rhythm Time or in fact anything beyond playgroup with DS.

There are dozens of threads started by people who say their kids are driving them nuts all they do is watch TV or argue or not sleep amd people post suggesting they get out the house or sign them up to class to get the parent a break fir an hour etc

So a parent gets out the house to stop him and toddler going sure crazy and everyone suggests he goes home to be bored and "chill"

If it's OK to go to the woods or the park it's OK to go to a class. If he's out he's out. Only difference is he's not Freezing his tits off and soaked through all winter he's warm at a gym class.

To echo what Giles has said, it's December. It's not necessarily park or lying on picnic blanket weather.

Dd1 found ballet and swimming lessons too hard at 4 because listening and following orders for 25 mins was exhausting

I would have thought that depends on the teacher and the method. My 3-year-dgd had a music class last week that she seems to have found very engaging and she is not top of the league in concentration either.

As a sahm to a toddler, I'd be really annoyed if DH dictated how I spend my days.

If the money isn't an issue then I don't see a problem. The days can be boring and endless entertaining a small child alone. I have to get out of the house and presumably your DH feels this way too. Twice a day every day is a bit much in my personal opinion, but then I don't live your DHs life.

If you can afford it and they are both happy then I don't see the problem tbh. Sounds like your DS is a very lucky boy. Nursery will be quite structured but there will likely be lots of free play where he can find his own entertainment.

Maybe way off the mark here but is it partly sadness on your part that the two of them are off doing things together that you have no point of reference for, and you are feeling a bit left out? I say this from the point of view of having spent several months working while DS was home with DH. I always enjoyed hearing what they had been doing together/seeing photos of their day etc because I could imagine what they had been up to while I was out!

I need the structure of classes when in SAHP mode.
This week I've been ill and haven't been to anything. DS (3) hasn't napped or burned off energy. The house is beyond desolation, and the end result has been loafing around with me succumbing to his demands to watch Paw Patrol on the tablet much of the day. Granted, I've had no energy or will power to assert myself with him or to encourage him to do anything more productive. I've completely lost track of what day of the week it is.

I've normally found that one per day is right for us. Swimming is officially 30 mins, but takes two hours of the day with travel, shower and changing time. I find winter much more restrictive for free play than summer. Spilling out into the garden (mine is a sodden swamp between November and March) or parks, playgrounds and picnics make the warmer months much more interesting.

Two every day sounds excessive, and yes, the costs stack up easily. I think most parents and pre-schoolers would struggle going between one to another like that.

Presumably he'd have to drop some with the start of nursery. Also nursery may be more tiring and trigger a need for change.

You need to talk to each other.

YABU to consider your income yours. It's family money. Your DH is saving your family a fortune in nanny's salary or childcare fees by taking care of the DS at home. £50 per week is nothing compared to what you would be shelling out if he wasn't able or willing to be the stay at home parent.

Unless you live in a sylvan paradise with a rustic stream flowing through it, romping through the woods and dropping stones into the water isn't going to be possible a lot of the time without a big palaver getting to and from there, and winter makes freestyle unstructured play more hassle than it's worth unless your DH actively enjoys rinsing mud out of clothes. It's less fun than you might think it is to stand around in the drizzle while your toddler runs into dog poo while chasing a ball in a park and then you run into it when it's time to head home and the toddler runs in the opposite direction... Plus, it's nice to be close to a public loo when you have a toddler in tow.

Dd1 found ballet and swimming lessons too hard at 4 because listening and following orders for 25 mins was exhausting

My just 3 year old adores her ballet and swimming. She gets up on a Saturday morning, puts her ballet clothes on and spends the next 2 hours asking when we can go. Absolutely no issues at all. As with everything, it depends on the child.

and most 3 year olds nap still or at least need quiet time

Pah. Mine hasn't napped since she was 20 months old. My 17 month old naps for an hour after lunch.

Yabu for many reasons.

It's not your money. It's family money.

For those questioning wether they can afford it, the op clearly says they can and they will be reduced in 2 weeks anyway when the child starts nursery.

Why would your child benefit from going to the supermarket instead of going to a class? If yiu think supermarket shopping is important for kids to do, you do it at the weekend. Why do you feel your son would be better shopping?

You are entitled to an opinion regarding your DC. But it needs to be based on something. At the moment it comes across as you just being jealous and/or controlling.

You don't like it but for no reason at all. The child has plenty of time to get bored during the day.

I also in the camp that getting one tiddler out of the house takes a few minutes. Not ages.

I also in the camp that getting one tiddler out of the house takes a few minutes. Not ages.

I'm glad you said that, I thought I must be missing something vital in our 'get out the house' prep.

It takes minutes to get a toddler out of the house. A wee and coat on, what more? Baby same time - coat on, into,car seat go. How is that taking ages? Used to an hour and a half to get up, bathed, six up, dressed, fed, collate school essentials then deliver to school or nursery (and exchange children with another parent needing to do same two runs) before a coffee with other mums and babies and onto tumbletots/library story time/toddler group. Home for lunch and fetch or await nursery children, change baby then out for swimming, feed the ducks, park, music group or school baby group. Collect school.children. Home to change, talk, snack then French group, ballet/tap or swimming lessons. If it was lovely weather we'd maybe go to park/beach instead of activity or just go to woods in autumn to find giant puffballs to take home and cook. Children slept in car sometimes, babies learned to fit in. Breastfeeding until at least two meant none of the carting around with bottles etc. They werelovely days which children remember with happiness. They had their down time curled up in front of fire reading stories with baby sat in front of washing machine to keep them amused whilst older ones had mummy for a while. Weekends we had less structure apart from men's time/orchestra as there were two of us so easier to do whole family things or just play at home.

When and why did everyone become so obsessed with 'structured' versus 'unstructured' play?

Surely if the toddler is having fun and doing stuff, it doesn't matter that much what type of play they are involved in? Kicking a ball round at a toddler group and kicking a ball round at the park are the same thing. Dancing with some other toddlers and dancing in the living room are the same thing.

I'm not convinced about 3 year olds needing to be bored - IME that thing of mild boredom leading to imaginative play only kicks in about 4ish. Up till then they're still looking to whoever's looking after them to play with them.

Also agree that the SAHP needs to have a bit of leeway on this. I don't go up to DH's work and tell him to answer his emails before he starts drafting...

Jennifer waterbabies wanted £180 for a 10 week course where I lived. I seemed to be the only person at Baby Sensory (which I loved and was well worth the money imo) who didn't go. I lived in a very affluent area so 'classes' was a big and profitable thing

We loved waterbabies. My just 3 year old can now swim 10 metres with no assistance and my 17 month old can do a couple of metres.