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AIBU?

to not want dh keep taking ds to toddler classes?

176 replies

quinnlee · 17/12/2016 20:14

i dont want him taking him to so many, i dont think its good for small children to have so much structure, he is only 3. will start nursery in jan as it is. currently does at least 2 classes a day. thinks like toddler gymnastics, toddler dance, toddler football, toddler etc. etc. he is a sahd and is really good with him, but isnt this something we get to decide together? i dont want all the income going on those classes, it seems like such a waste to me especially if its doing him no good (i dont think structured classes are good at such a young age like i said) aibu??

OP posts:

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Fairenuff · 17/12/2016 20:40

If you want him to be bored, why don't you do that with him at the weekend and see how much fun it is for both of you.

EweAreHere · 17/12/2016 20:40

Sounds expensive, particularly so with only one income ... ?

I think it's deserving of a conversation. There's a cost difference between a £1 donation to a toddler group and more expensive, structured activities like football, etc. They will add up quickly, especially if he's also buying teas/coffees at all the events he goes to and is eating out a lot.

Namejustfornappies · 17/12/2016 20:40

I know people are saying it's only 2x 45 minutes, but it's not really - you got the 15 minutes to chivvy out the door, probably 30 minutes to drive, park, sort car seats both ends, or walk. Then the same again to come home. Twice a day. Take out meal times etc, and actually there is not that much time for unstructured play for an extended period.

Namejustfornappies · 17/12/2016 20:41

But yabu about taking the child food shopping!

JenLindleyShitMom · 17/12/2016 20:41

Of course you're allowed a say, but what is the actual point of your say? What is your concern? You say DS is happy and enjoys them and that you can afford them, he will be doing double the time nursery in a few weeks. What is your concern?

TheWeeBabySeamus1 · 17/12/2016 20:42

I think if he's the one at home all day trying to entertain a 3 year old then it's up to him how they spend their time. You've said you can afford it so I don't know why it bothers you so much.

LovingLola · 17/12/2016 20:42

If he was in a creche for 10 hours a day then surely he would be having 45 minute structured activities for some of the day eg. dancing, football, painting etc?

Butterymuffin · 17/12/2016 20:42

It's not that you don't get a say, but you seem to expect to have the say, as in: if you don't like it, it doesn't happen. And you seem to think that comes from you working for money at the moment, when as others have said, your DH is working too, and the money is family money. How much are the classes actually costing, in total, a week?

quinnlee · 17/12/2016 20:44

the classes are costing about £10 a day, as they're around £5 each

OP posts:

Heatherbell1978 · 17/12/2016 20:44

YABU. I struggle to entertain my toddler at home as I'm just not great at thinking of activities. If I was a SAHM I'd be doing something similar to get me out the house and keep DS stimulated. It's hard being at home with a toddler all day and your DH probably does it to stay sane! If you can afford it you should be happy he's not just sitting g him in front of the TV all day every day.

LellyMcKelly · 17/12/2016 20:45

Does your son seem unhappy or too tired? If so then it might be time to cut back, but otherwise I think it's great. I wish there were 10 classes a week for kids where I am!

JenLindleyShitMom · 17/12/2016 20:45

probably 30 minutes to drive, park, sort car seats both ends, or walk.

Sort car seats? Do you mean pressing the buckle button? Also, we don't know how far or even if this guy has to drive. And walking is fine for children.

CherryChasingDotMuncher · 17/12/2016 20:47

Agree with name - it's not just 45 mins is it. My DD, same age, goes to dance class a 9.30am start. By the time we're up, have to get breakfast on and clothes ready so we leave at 9am - it's only 2 miles away but the parking is a nightmare - 45 minute class that usually over runs, faffing on leaving and et in car etc, by the time we're home and have beaten Saturday mid-morning traffic it's usually around 11.30. So 3 hours or so taken up with the activity, pretty much our whole morning. I couldn't be arsed doing this twice a day/ They've broken up for Xmas and I have to say today it was lovely to stay at home

ALittleMop · 17/12/2016 20:48

YABU
if DS and DH and both happy and enjoying the things that they do
if you can afford it

I could never have been arsed to do 2 classes a day, personally and think there is a lot to be said for just pootling about.

But in terms of structure - as a veteran I can attest that a lot of those things aren't really that structured, in actual fact.

Chickpearocker · 17/12/2016 20:48

Sounds like too much to me. One a day is plenty.

Crunchymum · 17/12/2016 20:49

Aged 3.2 my DC1 started preschool full time (8.55-3.10, 5 days per week)

So a few groups a day doesn't seem excessive!! Unless it's financially crippling you??

NiceFalafels · 17/12/2016 20:50

Two a day is daft. Where's the free play?

Wolverbamptonwanderer · 17/12/2016 20:50

The money would be an issue if you can't afford it but otherwise I don't think you can dictate how the SAHP spend their day

Crunchymum · 17/12/2016 20:50

The child is 3 right???

GoofyTheHero · 17/12/2016 20:51

I think if he's the one at home all day trying to entertain a 3 year old then it's up to him how they spend their time. You've said you can afford it so I don't know why it bothers you so much.

Exactly this.

user1481835600 · 17/12/2016 20:51

I half agree. My Son used to do class after class before I felt it was too much. He now goes out to one activity a day and only three paid for activities. His behaviour has improved and he's not over tired

Namejustfornappies · 17/12/2016 20:51

JenLindley - it takes me an age to get my 3 yo wriggler in her car seat properly. And get her out again. And yes agreed walking is fantastic for Children - we hardly ever drive and walk everywhere (use slings and buggies for various Children) - but it still adds time so the whole morning or afternoon can be taken up with a meal and a class.

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JaniceBattersby · 17/12/2016 20:51

My husband looks after our kids 2-days per week while I do the other 3. He likes to have lots of structure and goes to loads of classes and stuff. I don't because I basically can't be arsed and am happy at home.

I think he likes having adult company and he says he's worried people will think he's a lazy dad if he doesn't do anything with them. I think some of this comes from societal expectations that mean on some level he feels as though he has to make parenting into a legitimate 'job'. It's fine by me, although I'd never put any pressure on him to either do stuff or not do stuff. Looking after kids is hard enough without the working parent telling you how to do it.

GoofyTheHero · 17/12/2016 20:52

I have an 18 month old and a 3 year old and it takes us approx 3 mins to get ready to leave the house and a 5 min walk to groups. Hardly time consuming.

Namejustfornappies · 17/12/2016 20:54

I have 3yo a 5yo and a 4 month old. Some days it takes me an hour to get out of the house

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