to not want dh keep taking ds to toddler classes?

[quinnlee]

i dont want him taking him to so many, i dont think its good for small children to have so much structure, he is only 3. will start nursery in jan as it is. currently does at least 2 classes a day. thinks like toddler gymnastics, toddler dance, toddler football, toddler etc. etc. he is a sahd and is really good with him, but isnt this something we get to decide together? i dont want all the income going on those classes, it seems like such a waste to me especially if its doing him no good (i dont think structured classes are good at such a young age like i said) aibu??

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Would you rather he was home watching brain rotting TV?

If you can't afford them or they are harming him in some way then raise the issue by all means.

But there's nothing wrong with going to sports and dance classes. Especially if they are aimed at toddlers and small children.

You'd have a point if it was all 4 hours long Olympic training break legs in process Style...

He's happy and active. He sounds a very lucky toddler.

[1horatio]

but i am paying for these and it is a lot! i mean we can afford it

Good.

He is the one doing the parenting. As long as it's an activity neither of you is morally opposed to or actually harming the child then that's all that needs to be said.

You can afford it. And maybe DH needs that. I imagine being a SAHP can be quite lonely. DH joined a baby group and will most likely end up doing things like your DH is doing. Which is great.
As long as DH and DD are happy and not doings something I'm genuinely opposed to or that's we can't afford financially (like... buying her a pony even though DD doesn't even know how to ride, well, when DD is older, she's currently way too young anyway) I'll be happy DH is such a great father!!

[1horatio]

Your son is happy your DH isn't lonely or unhappy. Seems great.

You aren't the one paying for this.
bith of you are. Because the money belongs to both of you.

[arethereanyleftatall]

You get a say in whether your ds should be bored or not when you're looking after him.
Not when someone else is.

Because by asking that your ds is more bored, you're forcing him to be more bored too. Not fair and not up to you.

Yabu.

[Believeitornot]

but i an paying for these

Are you joking?

Your DH is looking after your child and will enable you to work stress free without childcare worries.

Bloody hell. What a nasty attitude you have.

[JustAnotherPoster00]

Think this is gonna be 1 of the AIBU? MN: Yes OP: but what about this? MN: still yes OP: flounce

[GoofyTheHero]

We both feel that small children need lots of unstructured play time and also time not centered around entertaining/occupying them

Call me selfish if you want but my day with my toddlers doesn't just revolve around what they need, but also what I need. And I need structure, routine and adult conversation.

[JassyRadlett]

but i am paying for these and it is a lot!

This is a shit attitude. He's a SAHP. It's family money, not yours.

[zeeboo]

Is it just me who is more interested in why the OP has two user names and has used both on the one thread??

[Namejustfornappies]

www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-love-wisdom/201508/unstructured-play-and-childrens-development

OP - you might find this article and tge linked research interesting :) I just had a quick Google and found it.

[1horatio]

I am more concerned by the fact that the OP acknowledges how the classes help DS but is somehow still against them. Seriously?!?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

After two classes a day he should nap like a trooper. Being able to walk round tesco with him.a sleep in the buggy do the shop and have a Coffee is surely worth every penny

[Saracen]

YABU.

Your dh is the one at home all day, so he gets to decide how he and the LO spend their time. If your family genuinely couldn't afford the cost then that would be something to look at - perhaps cut back on activities, find cheaper ones, or look to see where other savings could be made in the household budget.

[captaincake]

I think yabu but I do appreciate it's a lot of money. I'd be really upset if DH asked me to stop the classes I do with our DS. They benefit him enormously and they help me a lot too. I guess once he starts his free preschool sessions some of them will have to stop anyway.

[pointythings]

YABU, and two lots of structured activity a day isn't a lot for a child that age, Mine were in full time nursery (because both of us had to work) and had a lot more structure to their day. They were fine.

And it isn't you paying for them, this is family money we are talking about.

[JenLindleyShitMom]

We both feel that small children need lots of unstructured play time and also time not centered around entertaining/occupying them

You can do both you know!

[Fairenuff]

I wonder why OP hasn't acknowledged that the money is family money.

[Gileswithachainsaw]

Which one would you prefer to drop op

The football or the dance

given there's already a problem regarding boys in dance classes

Is it the number of classes that's really the problem cos there are far worse things your ds could be doing....

Or is it the nature of the classes that's the issue.

Or maybe you don't want your dh talking to other people. No secret that there are more Sah mums than there are Sah dad's. Are you worried about the potential number if females he's talking too?

There is really nothing stopping you building up some flexibility or taking a days holiday and I don't know , go with them?

[Artandco]

I agree with OP to be honest. 10 structured classes a week for a toddler is over the top. They should have time to head out for He day and just be 3. Run in the woods, play poo sticks, fall asleep on a picnic blanket, go visit new places. Going to the same music group, foot ball etc is repetitive and boring over time. At 3 he can play football with friend and dad in park, his dad can take him to local events like an Easter hunt in spring, or visit santa now etc.
I do think kids need to learn to spend time occupying themselves at their age also. Dad sorting garden or house and child pottering around 'helping' or playing the morning themselves. Not constant someone jumping up and down with instructions

Interestingly teachers at our children's school day they can really notice who has been constantly to classes and who has had time to think of what to do themselves. Those who constantly in classes find it harder to think of ideas independently and find it hard to move onto next activity without prompting
I also don't see what's wrong with suggesting children go shopping. They need to learn how to do some things that aren't the most entertaining all day, and to wait. At 3 they can sit in trolley and help hold stuff.

[diddl]

Is it that he's out so often that he gets nothing done around the house?

[DeepanKrispanEven]

The person who looks after the child makes the decisions

Not when it means shelling out shedloads of family money.

[Artandco]

And I wouldn't say cost is the issue here. But if classes cost £50 a week, maybe it would be better to do 3 classes costing £15, and use the other £35 paying to go to other things like train to beach for the day, entry to local lido pool in summer, ice cream out, child's theatre show, annual membership to nearby zoo or farm or national trust etc

[DeepanKrispanEven]

Yes, zeboo, just you. WTF does it matter?

[Gileswithachainsaw]

That's different. That's on top of six hours school a day plus a breakfast club or whatever.

90 mins out of 12 hours still allows plenty of time to run about in the woods etc

[Xmasbaby11]

I think it's too much too. I wouldn't even do am activity a day as it's good to have free days for days out etc. I agree things like shopping and housework need to be done to an extent. But some people like being super busy ... maybe he gets stuff done anyway?