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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not want dh keep taking ds to toddler classes?

176 replies

quinnlee · 17/12/2016 20:14

i dont want him taking him to so many, i dont think its good for small children to have so much structure, he is only 3. will start nursery in jan as it is. currently does at least 2 classes a day. thinks like toddler gymnastics, toddler dance, toddler football, toddler etc. etc. he is a sahd and is really good with him, but isnt this something we get to decide together? i dont want all the income going on those classes, it seems like such a waste to me especially if its doing him no good (i dont think structured classes are good at such a young age like i said) aibu??

OP posts:
NeedMoreSleepOrSugar · 17/12/2016 20:26

If it's within the household budget, ds is enjoying it and it's not having any negative effect I can't see what the issue is.

Chances are that both your dh and ds feel benefit from the structure to their days (rather than structure of the classes, which is probably minimal at his age)

GoofyTheHero · 17/12/2016 20:27

Wouldn't take my 2 food shopping for shit. I do my shopping online.

Ferrari2016 · 17/12/2016 20:28

It depends what the classes are. If the child is awake 12 hours a day (or thereabouts) and each class is 45 minutes then it is probably ok. Some activities my DC went to at that age were very calm and relaxing like a gentle singalong at the library or story time at the library. Other groups like local play groups run at children's centres were 50p to £1 a session so it can be done cheaply. Generally we aimed for 1 group activity per day by the age of 3 years but these were quite full on classes such as a toddler PE class, a very active music group and a dance class. It is also great preparation for nursery where the child will not get 1 on 1 attention. Classes teach lots to children about being in a group, patience, listening, being with peers etc. I think you may be being unreasonable. Also, if your DP is the SAHP I think it's up to him how he spends the day/arranges his time and activities.

JenLindleyShitMom · 17/12/2016 20:28

It's 90 minutes a day broken into two sessions. The child is starting nursery in a few weeks which will be at least 3 hours. I see no problem at all with it.

As for "I'm paying for these" Hmm the salary may be paid to you but your DH helps you earn that. It's family money.

JenLindleyShitMom · 17/12/2016 20:29

And if your want your DS to go to then park then take him to the park yourself on the weekend.

MrsTerryPratchett · 17/12/2016 20:30

You think he should be taking the child food shopping? Man, if DH had tried that when I was a SAHM, I would have eaten him alive.

Notonthestairs · 17/12/2016 20:31

I wouldn't have accepted my DH advising/telling me what to do during the day with our kids.

Fairenuff · 17/12/2016 20:32

Why do you think he should take him shopping?

Original poster
quinnlee · 17/12/2016 20:33

oh that was just an example i meant just to get ds used to day to day, i feel like these classes are to stimulating, is that a thing? i just feel like he never gets bored, i know they are not long at all, but i dont know

OP posts:
Casmama · 17/12/2016 20:33

I agree with previous posters, if you were a man saying "I pay for these classes" and trying to micro manage how your dw was spending the day with your do you would be getting slaughtered!

Waffles80 · 17/12/2016 20:33

I just don't get it. It sounds like your child enjoys the classes, that they aren't too long or too expensive and that they clearly give your DH a very useful routine (without curtailing the play of your child).

If I was a SAHP I would be looking at classes this regular. Being at home all day with toddlers drives me round the bend - I have my twins for a day a week. We have to get out of the house and our parks are cold, wet, and soggy underfoot at this time of year.

Casmama · 17/12/2016 20:34

Dc obviously

SisterViktorine · 17/12/2016 20:34

Isn't it a moot point if DS starts nursery in January?

I don't think you can dictate what your DH does with DS all day. However, if it's too expensive, discuss how to cut the cost. If you live in an urban area there will be toddler groups every day they can access at minimal cost. We had a gymnastics club near us that did an hour of open play every day for a quid. It was a lifesaver over the winter with an active puppy-child DS.

Vanillaradio · 17/12/2016 20:35

I work part time but if dh tried to tell me what to do with the time I spend with ds I would probably kill him. We do a group both days I have with 3 years old ds and if i was sahm we would do at least one a day. Frankly I need the structure and being at home every day on maternity leave was a huge detriment to my mental health till I started doing groups. I think you should leave it to dh to organise his day. And not taking a toddler food shopping seems extremely sensible to me.

JenLindleyShitMom · 17/12/2016 20:35

Again, it's 90 minutes a day out of approx. 720 minutes. He has loads of time to be bored.

EverySongbirdSays · 17/12/2016 20:37

Errrrm. I was with you on the two classes a day being excessive front until the words :

"I AM paying for these "

"I think he should take DC with him food shopping"

Backseat parenting much? He's the SAHP not you. Can you IMAGINE if a man came on here and made the same comments about his wife.

He'd be driven off the site with pitchforks!

Is this a reverse?

NapQueen · 17/12/2016 20:38

"I pay for these classes"

It's family.money.

Waffles80 · 17/12/2016 20:38

It feels very reversey.

Witchend · 17/12/2016 20:38

Depends on your child.
Dd1 liked classes as she liked the structure, but was just as happy pottering at home.
Dd2 loved classes and was much better in all ways for having them.
Ds didn't really liked classes.

Unsurprisingly we did most classes for dd2!

LonnyVonnyWilsonFrickett · 17/12/2016 20:38

The person who looks after the child makes the decisions. If DP and ds are happy then you should be happy too.

Original poster
quinnlee · 17/12/2016 20:38

a reverse? no lol. sorry, i clearly shouldnt be allowed a say?

OP posts:
KayTee87 · 17/12/2016 20:39

I'm off on maternity leave and ds and I go to something everyday. If my husband tried to manage how we spent our time when he was at work I'd be furious. Yabvu

Slightlyperturbedowlagain · 17/12/2016 20:39

Hmm personally I think you ought to try out doing the food shopping with your DC before suggesting your DH should do it. It is right at the top of my 'avoid at all costs' lists, ever since DC 1 past the stage of snuggling in the baby sling. Honestly you may find it's actually a quick route to a nervous breakdown.

Glitterous · 17/12/2016 20:39

If, as a family, you genuinely cannot afford all the classes then by all.means discuss it with your Dh. But otherwise I don't think doing activities are a problem. I take my 18 month old to 3 activities a week plus various other ad hoc softplay/playgroups, she seems to enjoy herself and is much happier when she is with other children.

But maybe you could take your ds food shopping on your day off, that way your dh can cancel the dance class and take your ds to the park? Is that a good solution?

Waffles80 · 17/12/2016 20:40

You should be allowed a say if your view makes sense. As it doesn't, if you were my partner I'd be giving you this Hmm and carrying on with my daily plans.

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