Feel very let down by my sister

[SooSmith]

Just a bit of background… I work in the NHS, and as part of my job I do 24/7 shifts from 6am until 8pm. I’m the manager of a small team who take it in turns to work over the holidays. It was my turn to have Christmas off this year, but my deputy has had to start her maternity leave early for medical reasons. There will be other staff there over Christmas, but either myself or my deputy must be in with them. I have been told by my boss that I have to work – as I am in charge I accept I have to suck it up.

However, I am a single parent with two children.. My sister has been coming to us for quite a few years now, and sharing Christmas with me. The kids adore her and I like her coming, although sometimes I think she grows a root out of her arse when it comes to helping in the kitchen.

I will be home at 5pm at the latest, and have told her what has happened. To be told that it’s no problem as she’ll go to some man she’s been seeing for a few weeks. I wanted her to come over on Christmas eve and stay over until after Boxing Day so that I can go to work! She knows I can’t find childcare for the Christmas break at this short notice, but so far begging and pleading has been to no avail.

AIBU to feel very let down by my sister? Since the children’s father vanished about four years ago, I have asked her to help once when I had to go to work at short notice. I am completely in the shit about this!

Soo by going sick you are being really unprofessional and risk disciplinary proceedings. Why won't you just explain to the manager that you cannot do it and they have to get cover.

What would the manager do if you had booked to spend Christmas in Barbados? They would arrange cover or manage without. You are making this your problem when actually it is your managers.

I wouldn't go sick. I'd make it clear, today, that you cannot work on Christmas Day because you are a single parent without childcare. Give your manager time to find a solution.

I used to work difficult hours as a lone parent of young children and I remember how bloody hard it was regarding childcare.

OP - honestly, your sister sounds like a complete dick! I would never leave my sister or friends in the lurch in the same situation. You're talking a few hours, not the whole day. Grrr. Angry on your behalf

Could you parents come over for Xmas - appreciate it's a bit short notice but depending on how far away they are, maybe they can help? Or you ex-DP's parents? Is that not an option?

Calling in sick, I wouldn't advise ... but I know that may well be your only option

Yes, push it back to your boss!

We had two extra children at my sisters last year. One of their friends was in hospital giving birth so my sister took the kids so the dad could go in and see mum and baby.

Stuff like this happens. Just reach out to one or two of your friends and ask.

If you were my friend and I found out you were stressing over this and hadn't asked me, I would be upset with you!

Your sister is being an arse. No, she's not obliged to look after your children but to drop you in it on Xmas day is really selfish. I wouldn't ever ask her round for Xmas again.

Do call your friend and ask. I would be really cross if you were my friend and didn't approach me in a difficult situation.

I hope it works out for you op.

Your sister is a dick. Don't invite her again nect year when boyfriend may well be long gone

Speak to your manager. You are not inflexible and you do normally work Christmas when required, but you've had 2 weeks notice that you need childcare for Christmas Day which is impossible. Your manager needs to get cover from somewhere else. It's shit yes, but that's why they're the manager.

Oh and yes to asking any local friends for help, I'm sure they would if you asked them. I'm an adult and have been taken in at Christmas by various people I'm sure children would be!

She probably thinks it'll be back to normal with you next year if she's split with her boyfriend.

How selfish and self-indulgent. Is she like this in other ways?

How old are your children and where about are you?

Could you get an emergency nanny? I used to be a nanny and would have taken this job as I spent every Christmas Day alone until I met my dh.

Seriously, ask your friends/dcs friends family like playing suggested with a 'I understand if you say no but is there any chance....'. They might be able to go somewhere else for Christmas. It's manic with little people anyway and there's normally way too much food so an extra plate would be easy. Please try that before going sick. Good luck!

I can't believe the responses on this thread! If OP's sister has been there in previous years then presumably she has already provided free Christmas Day childcare in the past. She is NOT obliged to do so any time OP snaps her fingers!

Yes, it would be kind of her to help, but people calling her a shit sister etc. - WTF? Maybe she would just like a year to herself without your DC around?

This is not her problem, OP needs to explain things to her manager and request his suggestion as to what she can do.

OP's sister hasn't previously provided childcare on Xmas day, OP has been there. This is a one-off.

"If OP's sister has been there in previous years then presumably she has already provided free Christmas Day childcare in the past. She is NOT obliged to do so any time OP snaps her fingers! "

"I have asked her to help once when I had to go to work at short notice."
I would not presume not, AHedgehogCanNeverBeBuggered. Once. And OP has not snapped her fingers, but begged. Sister has blagged her Christmas meal from OP for years and the first time she has been asked to actually do something, she'd prefer to spend Christmas with a bloke she's known a matter of weeks. Yes, she's a bit of a shit sister.

Yes she has, OP says the team take it in turns to have Christmas off.

Hang on WhereYouLeftIt, having one extra for Christmas dinner really isn't a big deal, and a few dinners does not equal a whole day of childcare (already provided) IMHO, let alone another one! Looking after other people's children is a pain in the arse, I don't blame OP's sister for preferring an adult day with her own partner (length of relationship is irrelevant here). OP must have known that at some point her sister would have her own family/relationships and prefer to spend Christmas elsewhere.

I don't understand why you can't tell your manager that you don't have childcare and can't magic some up at short notice for Christmas Day. Unless you have known for a while that you may have to work Christmas and were just hoping your DSIS would babysit for you.
Either way, you are going to face the same problem every year, so you need to be open with your manager about your inability to cover Christmas Day shifts. It isn't fair or realistic to assume your DSIS will babysit. Her circumstances could change at any time.

The other thing to consider is that maybe the kids were a nightmare the last time round and she'd rather pull her own teeth out than experience that again?

I invite my friends round to mine often, but would never assume that meant they are obliged to look after my DC in exchange!

As harderandharder2breathe says, you need to tell your manager ASAP that you have no childcare for christmas day, and that the only way you'd be able to work is if you bring them into the office. She's be very harsh to expect you to do this on christmas day.

I do think your sister is being unsupportive though.

Don't go off sick. You need to put this back to your manager, you don't have childcare.

Where are you op?

If my kids were friends with yours at school, I would help if I could.... ask around.

You sister is being selfish. I am sorry. Would your parents fly in to help??