Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel very let down by my sister

269 replies

SooSmith · 16/12/2016 00:17

Just a bit of background… I work in the NHS, and as part of my job I do 24/7 shifts from 6am until 8pm. I’m the manager of a small team who take it in turns to work over the holidays. It was my turn to have Christmas off this year, but my deputy has had to start her maternity leave early for medical reasons. There will be other staff there over Christmas, but either myself or my deputy must be in with them. I have been told by my boss that I have to work – as I am in charge I accept I have to suck it up.

However, I am a single parent with two children.. My sister has been coming to us for quite a few years now, and sharing Christmas with me. The kids adore her and I like her coming, although sometimes I think she grows a root out of her arse when it comes to helping in the kitchen.

I will be home at 5pm at the latest, and have told her what has happened. To be told that it’s no problem as she’ll go to some man she’s been seeing for a few weeks. I wanted her to come over on Christmas eve and stay over until after Boxing Day so that I can go to work! She knows I can’t find childcare for the Christmas break at this short notice, but so far begging and pleading has been to no avail.

AIBU to feel very let down by my sister? Since the children’s father vanished about four years ago, I have asked her to help once when I had to go to work at short notice. I am completely in the shit about this!

OP posts:
OpalTree · 16/12/2016 09:49

So as it was supposed to be your turn to be off this Christmas and your sister has been coming for years, she has previously provided Christmas day childcare when it wasn't your turn to be off?

mydietstartsmonday · 16/12/2016 09:49

I think you need to talk to your sister & tell her you need her help and can she do Christmas at yours and look after the children. Are you happy to have her friend over? Does she realise you need her help.
Regards
Lorraine

Lorelei76 · 16/12/2016 09:50

People read the post!
Father vanished four years ago
OP has begged and pleaded.

Boho, i doubt sister thought she was doing OP a favour spending Xmas there, but I'm hoping op will clarify.

Sorry op but a woman who drops out the minute a bloke appears....well you can guess what I think of that!

QueenLizIII · 16/12/2016 09:53

And i wonder would sister be dropped from Christmas entirely if OP had a bloke.

You can guess what i think of that.

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/12/2016 09:53

Is it an option to go to your GP? And get signed off for stress? Because right now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place...

If you can't find childcare, what are you supposed to do? Because if you do manage to secure childcare with a person who's unfamiliar to your children, it's going to be stressful for all concerned? How are you supposed to concentrate at work?

Could your sister and her NEW love interest both come together? Not ideal I know, but, I don't know what else to suggest other than the first option which would be the very last option after trying to pursue all other possible alternatives?

Your sister is being a selfish moo IMHO

QueenLizIII · 16/12/2016 09:54

Is it an option to go to your GP? And get signed off for stress? Because right now you are stuck between a rock and a hard place...

Now ive heard everything.

Sunnyfeet · 16/12/2016 09:55

crumbs two weeks notice for a shift change is generally ok, unless it's Christmas Day ...... I shouldn't imagine you could buy childcare for Christmas Day??

Lorelei76 · 16/12/2016 09:58

Queen, that would be bad but why assume it?
Sis has actually done it so we knos it but we don't know about OP, maybe sis was there when father of kids was there.

Miserylovescompany2 · 16/12/2016 10:00

Would you prefer that I suggest she changes her children's names to Kevin and leaves then home alone?

What would you suggest QueenLizIII?

Maybe OP could take them along with her and shove them in a storage cupboard?

Original poster
SooSmith · 16/12/2016 10:01

I meant that my shifts can be between 6am and 8pm - not the whole period though.

I have rung some agencies to see if I can get cover but none of them can help, until next year which is what we were doing anyway. There must be someone of my grade in with the skeleton staff that will be in! I have been promoted this year, and probably should have thought this through a bit more before accepting the job. I haw just warned someone who I caught with their kids in with them on the late shit, so I can't do the same thing. It"s in our contacts not to do that.

No family here, our parents live overseas. I have a friend (another single parent) who also does shifts - we help each other out on a day to day basis, but she is alway for the holidays.

I have just asked my sister again and she says her boyfriend doesn't like young kids and won't come!!!

It looks like I have no choice but to go sick later in the week. Very unprofessional

OP posts:
user1471470316 · 16/12/2016 10:03

She's family
Your children are her family
Families help one another... don't they?

That said, if your sister won't help, don't get too invested in trying to find a solution here.

The issue of cover here in this instance, is for your manger to solve, not you.

You weren't scheduled to work.
Your colleague can't now work
If you could get childcare, you would - but you can't

If you are being pressured and genuinely have no solution, then speak to your HR contact for support if you have one.

Bobochic · 16/12/2016 10:04

I'm not surprised your sister won't try to get her BF to come along - any man in his right mind would run off at the very idea.

wizzywig · 16/12/2016 10:05

whereabouts are you OP? i dont do christmas. im a mum, not a nanny. wasnt doing anything on that day

Lorelei76 · 16/12/2016 10:05

OP has your sister had anywhere else to go in the past?

I can't bear little kids either but I'd help you this time if I didn't have a sick mum. (I'd be nice to the kids, I'd just need to drink after getting home, lol)

QueenLizIII · 16/12/2016 10:05

Your manager put you in this position not your sister. Get them to sort it.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/12/2016 10:06

Your sister is being an incredibly selfish cow, any decent human being would have said 'Oh no, I'm sure we can muddle along until you get home, I'll do my best to make sure they have a great day until you get home, but really? They expect you to work Christmas Day, at short notice? Your Boss needs to get onto an agency & get this sorted. Get someone in who doesn't celebrate Christmas & wants double pay - it's your turn to be at home with your kids! (Double pay not standard I'm sure, but needs must)'

And ^ is what you should say to your boss! They're YOUR boss, if YOU can't work (small children, rostered off, single parent, Christmas Day - piss off), they'll have to sort it. That's why they get paid more than you.

Crumbs1 · 16/12/2016 10:17

Going sick is outrageous. Use a nanny agency. Ask a friend with kids. Ask if anyone at work will swop. Talk to your manager.

humblesims · 16/12/2016 10:17

But how does your work expect you do deal with this if you cant find childcare at such short notice? Its not like you are trying to wriggle out of working. If there are no options what will they expect you to do?

mumonahottinroof · 16/12/2016 10:19

Poor you, OP. Shocked at your sister. I hope you work it out Flowers

BalloonSlayer · 16/12/2016 10:20

I would confide in your manager.

Simply explain "my sister normally comes to me, so I presumed that as I had to work she would be happy to be there with the DCs until I come home. But it turns out that as I am not going to be able to cook her her Christmas dinner she won't come. I have explained this leaves me with no childcare but she doesn't care and she won't help. I don't know what to do."

This is why managers are managers - to sort out this kind of thing.

AnnieAnoniMouse · 16/12/2016 10:20

Cross posted with your last post.

Your sister...fucking hell. Ditches her nieces/nephews on Christmas Day to spend it with some knob she's known a few weeks and won't come because 'he doesn't like small kids'. Fuck me, the pair of them need to grow up.

I can't see how she hasn't just ruined your relationship for life, I really can't.

Anyway, practically...

If your kids were friends of mine, I'd be happy to have them Christmas Day (provided they're not totally feral 😂😂) The kids would all think it was fun and that's what really matters at Christmas (well, for me anyway). Please have a good think about who might feel the same, there's no harm in asking if you do it with the 'I fully expect the answer to be 'No' and TOTALLY understand, but....

I know you've tried the agencies for a replacement, but have you asked about just Christmas Day? They might have someone not celebrating Christmas who will do one day but can't cover all of the school holiday period or something.

Also try sitters.

But honestly, I'd make it your bosses problem - do they know you're a single parent? Single parent & Christmas, you shouldn't have to work it anyway, but especially not at short notice. Your Boss will have to find someone or come in themselves (assuming they qualify to be the person present).

I'm sorry your sister has hurt you like this 💐

ALittleMop · 16/12/2016 10:22

I am an only child so I may not know of what I speak. But I cannot imagine a situation in which I would want my niece or nephews having to spend Christmas Day in paid-for childcare or in the waiting room of an NHS facility.

Regardless of what I felt about my sister and her assumptions. (Cos you did assume a bit OP).

I agree though that your management need to sort this, or help you to sort this. They can throw money at the problem at least. What notice were you given?

FWIW I would have them for the day, if you were someone I knew or your kids were mates with my kids. Your work have dropped you in it.

itsmine · 16/12/2016 10:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

WhereYouLeftIt · 16/12/2016 10:25

Yep, I'd push it back to my boss - even a fuckwit must be able to work out that finding childcare for Christmas Day at short notice would be impossible.

And my sister could whistle dixie for future invites and favours. Really poor of her.

JesusDontWantMeForASunbeam · 16/12/2016 10:32

I'm in Northamptonshire, if you're nearby they're more than welcome to come here. A couple more kids in our mayhem wouldn't be an issue!