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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel very let down by my sister

269 replies

SooSmith · 16/12/2016 00:17

Just a bit of background… I work in the NHS, and as part of my job I do 24/7 shifts from 6am until 8pm. I’m the manager of a small team who take it in turns to work over the holidays. It was my turn to have Christmas off this year, but my deputy has had to start her maternity leave early for medical reasons. There will be other staff there over Christmas, but either myself or my deputy must be in with them. I have been told by my boss that I have to work – as I am in charge I accept I have to suck it up.

However, I am a single parent with two children.. My sister has been coming to us for quite a few years now, and sharing Christmas with me. The kids adore her and I like her coming, although sometimes I think she grows a root out of her arse when it comes to helping in the kitchen.

I will be home at 5pm at the latest, and have told her what has happened. To be told that it’s no problem as she’ll go to some man she’s been seeing for a few weeks. I wanted her to come over on Christmas eve and stay over until after Boxing Day so that I can go to work! She knows I can’t find childcare for the Christmas break at this short notice, but so far begging and pleading has been to no avail.

AIBU to feel very let down by my sister? Since the children’s father vanished about four years ago, I have asked her to help once when I had to go to work at short notice. I am completely in the shit about this!

OP posts:
christinarossetti · 16/12/2016 14:15

I thought that youremywifenow, although I assumed that cover was arranged from when the deputy was due to be on mat leave. Possibly.....

Definitely don't phone in sick. It is up to your manager to sort out, like it would be if you needed a taxi in because there's no public transport on xmas day.

christinarossetti · 16/12/2016 14:17

The childcare problem has arisen now though verybitchy. That's changed OPs circumstances beyond her control.

QueenLizIII · 16/12/2016 14:18

Anyone else think parents are too demanding for their own good.

Original poster
SooSmith · 16/12/2016 14:22

We have arranged cover but the replacement can't start until the New Year. I've called all the agencies and can't find anyone who can start now.

I was told that I would have to come to work on Tuesday, but didn't post here until last night when I found I had run out of options.

Thanks to those kind people who have offered to help. I won't leave my kids with strangers ove Christmas, even though I know the offers are well meant.

OP posts:
YouTheCat · 16/12/2016 14:27

You can't do it. Tell your manager you can't do it. She will have to cover. That's why she's the manager.

timeisnotaline · 16/12/2016 14:28

Tuesday is 8 working days notice. The working days may not be relevant to the NHS but it is tomost childcare , which is what the OP needs. Why have you not said you will go back to your manager and say no?

happychristmaspoobum · 16/12/2016 14:29

Soo you really do have to tell your manager and let her deal with this - that would be the professional thing to do. You can't possibly call in sick now after posting all this identifying info - you could face the sack.

christinarossetti · 16/12/2016 14:31

So you've had well under two weeks notice to work Xmas day as a lone parent?

Well, if plan A of the deputy working was sorted out by rota-ing you, and that's now falling through due your lack of childcare completely out of your control, then is looks like your manager needs to be looking at Plan C.

melsbelles · 16/12/2016 14:33

Can we seperate what is morally fair and just, from what is legal please? I ask this so we can help the OP. Just to answer a few of the points about managers being reasonable etc, the OP may win in tribunal but only if she is sacked, pays a four figure sum to bring her case and lives through months of heartache. She doesn't need that. If there is no public transport available (eg because it's a bank holiday) employers are not obliged to provide taxis, some do and make a contractual commitment to do so. However the law does not require this. I am a relative newbie to MN and appreciate people being being able to express their opinions on what should be legal, but insisting they are right, despite the fact the law says something different, does the OP a disservice.
OP an " I really need your help" discussion with your manager should help. Please try that today.

Justaboy · 16/12/2016 14:36

Well just to say I hope I don't need the NHS over the Christmas period but I sincerely thank those who will be keeping the service on the go despite the personal, almost sacrifices, they will have to make not seeing and being with families and the like.

Bless you all:-)

christinarossetti · 16/12/2016 14:38

melsbelles, it was me that made the comparison with employers providing taxis if there no public transport. I specifically said provision, as I know that the NHS does have this provision. I never suggested that it is law.

And that's why I suggested OP contact her union, re her legal rights and obligations.

neverreturnstothreads · 16/12/2016 14:44

mels Are you always so patronising? Do you think you are the only person on MN who knows about employment law?

If you really knew anything about it you would know that the vast majority of NHS staff are trade union members and so would not have to pay tribunal fees if their union took their case. From what the OP has stated, it is incredibly unlikely her employer would have any case to bring. As PP have said, it's her managers responsibility to deal with this.

Butterymuffin · 16/12/2016 14:44

OP please speak to your manager TODAY. Going off sick would put you in the wrong, when there's no need for that. You need to tell them you're out of options and need them to help you. If your manager isn't available today, go to HR.

Sunnyfeet · 16/12/2016 14:47

OP - you need to speak to your manager ASAP. She was wrong to drop this on you at the last minute, but you'll also be in the wrong if you delay telling her you can't do it.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 16/12/2016 14:50

Soo - I agree with the people who have said that you need to tell your manager that, at this short notice, you cannot get child care, so you will not be able to work that shift - so she will need to sort it out.

melsbelles · 16/12/2016 14:59

NeverI did not mean to be patronising so if that's how I have come across I apologise. We have to agree to disagree about whether the NHS could discipline her if she does not work, when told she must. I hope they don't. If OP is in a TU, they would pay tribunal fees if they believed OP had been treated unfairly. Hope she in one and they can be bought in to prevent this escalating.
Christina Spot on advice about TU. Sorry I didn't fully digest first post, provision is key. Also very slow typer.
I just the OP finds a solution.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 16/12/2016 14:59

You can't go off sick, no one in the NHS goes off sick on Christmas Day. It's just too obvious. You have to tell your manager, they need to sort this out.

Greyponcho · 16/12/2016 15:02

the OP isn't in a war zone

Actually, this is exactly how I imagine working in an NHS hospital to be like on Christmas Day.
Shame your sis can't see the bigger picture, that actually you didn't choose to work Christmas Day, but you're having to because of someone else's ill health that is utterly beyond your control.
It's a selfish move on her part.
Ask her to host Christmas next year, see if she steps up or continues to sit on her arse

timelytess · 16/12/2016 15:03

mels, it seems to me you are absolutely right and the majority of MNers live in a cloud-cuckoo world where a manager says "Work!" and the worker says "I can't," and that's just fine.

OP, if you won't leave your children with strangers at Christmas, what the heck are you going to do?

QueenLizIII · 16/12/2016 16:12

the OP isn't in a war zone

Actually, this is exactly how I imagine working in an NHS hospital to be like on Christmas Day.

Greyponcho considering what is happening in Aleppo right now I think that comment is in extreme bad taste.

sophiestew · 16/12/2016 16:26

So timely where you work, if you have two or three days off as part of your rota, can you never make any plans to do anything, just in case your employer insists you must come in?

There are very few professions where this would be legal. Possibly armed forces, but not the case for your average NHS worker. I have been a nurse for over thirty years and DP is a paramedic so I do know a bit about it. I would suggest it is you who is living in cloud cuckoo land if you think that is normal.

OP - have you spoken to your manager yet? This is getting a bit "Cancel the cheque" now isn't it?

ChestyNutsRoastingOnAnOpenFire · 16/12/2016 17:24

Don't ring in sick, very unprofessional and if you've been promoted and run a team you let the team down at short notice.

Who normally has DCs if you work?

You need to discuss with your manager. I also lead a smallish team and these issues would be left to me to sort or cover.

Sucks but I was aware of the requirements of the job I took.

Sunnyfeet · 16/12/2016 17:34

queen there was no need to bring Aleppo into this.

OpalTree · 16/12/2016 17:36

Op. Who usually provides childcare when it's your turn to work on xmas day?

Sunnyfeet · 16/12/2016 17:36

PS - if the OP doesn't make some sort of decision soon, I may hide this thread to prevent me from banging my head against the wall. She really does need to speak to her manager!!!