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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Feel very let down by my sister

269 replies

SooSmith · 16/12/2016 00:17

Just a bit of background… I work in the NHS, and as part of my job I do 24/7 shifts from 6am until 8pm. I’m the manager of a small team who take it in turns to work over the holidays. It was my turn to have Christmas off this year, but my deputy has had to start her maternity leave early for medical reasons. There will be other staff there over Christmas, but either myself or my deputy must be in with them. I have been told by my boss that I have to work – as I am in charge I accept I have to suck it up.

However, I am a single parent with two children.. My sister has been coming to us for quite a few years now, and sharing Christmas with me. The kids adore her and I like her coming, although sometimes I think she grows a root out of her arse when it comes to helping in the kitchen.

I will be home at 5pm at the latest, and have told her what has happened. To be told that it’s no problem as she’ll go to some man she’s been seeing for a few weeks. I wanted her to come over on Christmas eve and stay over until after Boxing Day so that I can go to work! She knows I can’t find childcare for the Christmas break at this short notice, but so far begging and pleading has been to no avail.

AIBU to feel very let down by my sister? Since the children’s father vanished about four years ago, I have asked her to help once when I had to go to work at short notice. I am completely in the shit about this!

OP posts:
myfriendnoel · 20/12/2016 05:40

Well maybe he is stressed-might explain his outburst.
Did you contact his manager yet?

ilovesooty · 20/12/2016 05:46

The OP said in the post above that she has.

Champagneformyrealfriends · 20/12/2016 05:50

God, my nephew is a spoilt little so and so but I adore him-he could live with us if he needed to! I can't believe your sister is behaving this way.

Your manager needs disciplining for saying that to you-it's totally unacceptable. I hope things sort themselves out Flowers

NoSunNoMoon · 20/12/2016 07:27

Your manager has realised he overstepped the mark.

Enjoy your Christmas with your DCs and let those paid a lot more than you clear up the mess he's left behind.

christinarossetti · 20/12/2016 07:33

What a mess! Though thankfully not yours to sort out.

I don't think you're picking and choosing what parts of the job you want to do. Problems arise, you're dealing with this one very professionally. That's all that can be asked of you, not that you magic up either childcare or cover.

AmberStClare · 20/12/2016 09:00

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 20/12/2016 09:05

Amber

Perhaps the OP is struggling to be sympathetic towards her manager, who, in her hour of desperation said

that it's part of the job and I need to get used to it, and sort my life out. Or do him a favour and look for something else" I was told that I am unprofessional and that I am a liability.

Could that have made her unsympathetic I wonder?

Assuming you are not the manager himself, maybe it's nothing to do with one member of staff who is unable to find childcare at short notice that he is suffering from stress. If indeed that is actually the case.

WhisperingLoudly · 20/12/2016 09:16

amber WTactualFuck?!

That is a gratuitously unpleasant comment. Does it make you feel all warm and gooey? Or just big and clever?!! Pathetic. Not least because if you're going to call the OP and her DC cunts don't hide behind your asterisks Hmm

On the OPs posts it is very clear that her manager has behaved unprofessionally in i) failing to recruit/have a contingency plan in place for the woman who has left on early maternity leave; ii) pushing his failing onto the OP; iii) overstepping the mark in his conversation with the OP.

If that's the way he operates generally then his stress seems entirely of his own making.

OP enjoy your Christmas.

Oakmaiden · 20/12/2016 09:29

Ah yes, but you see Amber, effectively IS the other sister in a similar scenario, so she has to find some way to make OP be in the wrong.

(Didn't deliberately go looking for threads Amber had posted - just happened to click off this one and onto Amber's.)

AmberStClare · 20/12/2016 09:38

I manage a team of people and if someone made a crack like the OPs about a colleague off with stress I would be calling them in for a discussion about workplace bullying. And yes i know the OP's manager has been guilty of this too.

CauliflowerSqueeze · 20/12/2016 09:39

But you're not managing anyone on this thread. So no need.

Aderyn2016 · 20/12/2016 09:42

I think perhaps that dealing with people isn't your strong point Amber, since you consider it acceptable to refer to children as cunts.

YelloDraw · 20/12/2016 09:53

To be fair the manager does sound like things have got on top of him, not being able to sort out cover. The unprofessional outburst to the OP. Hopefully he can come back to work in the NY in a better frame of mind.

redexpat · 28/12/2016 15:46

so what happened?

JellyFishFingers · 28/12/2016 15:51

It is shit. I would actually relish the time spent with my nieces/nephews.
But...but...but....I wonder if I would have behaved like this before I had kids. I was far more self-obsessed and selfish without meaning to be or doing it with malice.
Sorry she gas let you down. Were it spelt out to me however I totally wouldn't have gone off to a man's house

JellyFishFingers · 28/12/2016 15:52

Thread has obviously moved on. Sorry

Original poster
SooSmith · 28/12/2016 15:52

I had Christmas with my kids. I understand that my department was closed due to lack of cover at my level.

OP posts:
Petal02 · 28/12/2016 16:20

And are you ok, OP?

Original poster
SooSmith · 28/12/2016 16:25

I'm great thanks - no idea how my sister is.

OP posts:
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