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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Bunnyfuller · 15/12/2016 18:45

You're pregnant, not an invalid! Sorry, but you've no clue what tired is yet!

BratFarrarsPony · 15/12/2016 18:46

oh come on, you are an adult with a job.
Possibly it would have been more gentlemanly (assuming it was a man) to let you get the first taxi, but honestly, he was not responsible for you, was he?

FairNotFair · 15/12/2016 18:47

It would have been polite to offer you the first taxi - not because you're pregnant and female, but because you were going back to the hotel. But YABU.

Gwenhwyfar · 15/12/2016 18:49

"TBH I just think it's very discourteous to leave someone standing alone (pregnant or not). "

One of them would be standing alone either way.

Bubbinsmakesthree · 15/12/2016 18:50

I hate the use of pregnancy as a blanket excuse for special treatment. Pregnancy isn't an illness. Sure, there are plenty of illnesses associated with pregnancy which need special treatment, but bleating about being pregnant as a reason for needing kid gloves treatment winds me up no end.

I used to manage someone who was constantly 'playing the pregnancy card' - I would have been entirely sympathetic if she'd been specific - got back ache? yes of course I'll arrange a workstation assessment for you. Struggling with fatigue - let's look at flexible hours. But simply being pregnant? Beyond the obvious health and safety considerations it doesn't entitle you to the kid gloves treatment, to shirk your responsibilities and generally whine at me.

(Didn't help that at the time aforementioned colleague was constantly demanding special treatment that unknown to her I was also pregnant myself and battling severe morning sickness).

YesThisIsMe · 15/12/2016 18:50

To be fair no man I've ever worked with would have snaffled a nighttime taxi ahead of a lone female colleague, pregnant or not. I'm obviously perfectly capable of grabbing my own taxi but I'm not going turn the offer down (unless male colleague has some form of special circs).

CrowyMcCrowFace · 15/12/2016 18:50

If I were your manager, I would also have gone with: first taxi for knackered pregnant colleague, find another for drunken shenanigans.

But it honestly wouldn't have occurred to me to worry about where you were going, unless you specifically said 'er, I'm afraid I don't know the name/location of my hotel.'

& then I would of course have helped you, by looking it up on my phone for you. But if I'm honest, I'd have thought you were a bit inept. That's the sort of info you check at the outset of the event so you can a) relax & b) not have to rely on colleagues with other priorities than babysitting you...

ghostspirit · 15/12/2016 18:51

i think people are very harsh. you are pregnant and that should have been taken into consideration. i would have thought you would be tired. possible in some pain after being on your feet for a long time. but that and hormones together it probably is not a good mix. as its a work event i would have thought pregnancy risk assessment would have come into play. does not sound like he took your pregnancy into consideration.

try and get as much rest as you can op Flowers

Stillwishihadabs · 15/12/2016 18:51

Here have my first Biscuit. Inot pregnancy 1 I got myself back from the French alps at 28 weeks as we were snowed in and I missed the overnight train. However actually even had I got that train I would still have had to cross London to get home. As it was I crossed Paris as well getting home at 9pm and working a 12 hour shift the next day. In pregnancy 2 I was getting public transport (2 buses and a train ) home from the hospital at 9pm as I was too pregnant to cycle and dh needed the car to pick ds up from nursery. Man up women fgs.

Kel1234 · 15/12/2016 18:52

I was 40 weeks pregnant and travelled and stood on the tube and buses. No one cared about that.

Notonthestairs · 15/12/2016 18:52

No it doesn't smack of ignorance - sorry. YABU.

Crunchymum · 15/12/2016 18:53

Bollocks did 3 cabs not know your hotel.

JustCallMeKate · 15/12/2016 18:54

i think people are very harsh. you are pregnant and that should have been taken into consideration

The OP is pregnant, she's not a special flower 🙄 I can't be arsed with people who think because they're pregnant they should be wrapped in cotton wool.

maybeshesawomble · 15/12/2016 18:54

Whilst the OP does seem overly sensitive, I actually think he should have made sure she got a taxi safely. I'm a Londoner and have successfully navigated the city through two pregnancies but if I had team members from out of town here who were vulnerable (I'm assuming OP's health problem makes her so, not her being pregnant) I'd make sure they were safely in a cab before getting one myself. Similarly I don't ever remember going on a night out with colleagues where the men haven't ensured women on there own get the first available cabs.

maybeshesawomble · 15/12/2016 18:55

their own Hmm

PleaseNoMoreMinecraft · 15/12/2016 18:55

I think it was perfectly reasonable to leave an adult to find their way back to their hotel.

Managers don't have a duty of care in their time off, sorry, that's where you look after yourself - are you very young OP?

That being said, he should have at least given you a bit of warning that those were his plans so that you could make your own, and I can see how the way he did things would make you feel vulnerable.

I'd chalk it down to experience and move on.

GahBuggerit · 15/12/2016 18:56

thing is, if hed have bent over backwards to deliver to your hotel personally you could have equally come on here slaggingbhim off for being a patronising flirtatious sexist pig

your pregnant and a woman, so very capable of getting a cab to a hotel, but i do remember the horror of late pregnancy hormones

Crunchymum · 15/12/2016 18:56

Unless you didn't know your hotel OP?

You hail a cab and tell them "The Holiday Inn, Farringdon" and they will know it!!

It was also 2 cabs that didn't know as the 3rd did right ?

ememem84 · 15/12/2016 18:57

Why didn't you know where you were staying?

When I travel for work I always have it written down (on paper as well as in my phone)(and in the local language if necessary). In case I get separated from whoever I'm with.

Emmageddon · 15/12/2016 18:58

Selfish knob getting the first taxi. Xmas Angry

Congratulations on your pregnancy, hope you made it back to the hotel and cossetted yourself all evening.

QueenMortificado · 15/12/2016 18:58

StillWish that's quite harsh, it's not a competition with you as the benchmark!

Lucked · 15/12/2016 19:00

The OP posted before 6pm not really a night time taxi.

Having said that I have never worked with someone who wouldn't have given the tired person wanting to go back to the hotel the first cab so he is a bit of a shit.

It is a bit unreasonable of you not to have the postcode of were you were staying if you are unfamiliar with London. Presuming your are posting from a smartphone you could have got all the details you needed for any taxi in 30 seconds.

I am ignoring the pregnant bit.

CocktailQueen · 15/12/2016 19:00

Why didn't you ask earlier in the day where you were staying? That's up to you.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/12/2016 19:01

No but equally I being considered able to navigate within London at 32 weeks is perfectly reasonable. (Even by public transport Shock

1DAD2KIDS · 15/12/2016 19:02

I suppose it all depends of the individual. I was in a management position when I was in the forces. It was a technical job. We were operating on a secure main operating base in Afghanistan and I had very little personnel to play with. It was night time and a system had gone down the other end of the camp. I only had one person at my disposal and it was a critical system. So I sent her out alone to fix the problem. It was the normal to send technicians out on their own because it was a secure site and we did not have the people to send two out. Plus it would be an overkill as all technicians are perfectly capable of fixing most problems alone.

Anyway the next morning someone of the same rank in a different team gave me a right ear chewing for sending her out alone. He was close to her and she had complained that she didn't feel comfortable and safe driving across camp at night alone. When I spoke to her about it she said the same that she was really felt vulnerable being sent out alone. This caused me to question my judgment because I take duty of care seriously. I don't want people feeling this way, what if her concerns were valid, what if something did happen to her? But on the spot I did tell her that this was her job, same as everyone else. Like everyone else she was carrying firearms and communication equipment and it was within the secure perimeter of the camp. But afterwards I was worried I had really let her down in my duty of care. So I discussed it with other team leaders. They agreed with me that she is an adult, a professional, I wasn't asking anything that I would ask any others to do or more than expected and the risk were low especially when weighed against the operational importance of keeping things working. I decided in the end I had been right and everyone needed to be able to do the job or there is no point them being out there. Of course if I had lots of people I would have sent two (that would have made me feel happier) but I was literary sending the only person I got available that night (as per normal). So personally I don't thing I was being out of order.

But of course the fact still remained that she thought it was not safe for her carry out the task asked and I was being totally unreasonable. Now I know pregnancy is a different situation but I guess what I am trying to say is that different people perceive risks differently. Some people are like what's the problem? But everyone is different. So I can see where the OP is coming from. I suppose a manager should do all that is reasonable to protect their employees including when there are special circumstances. Although I don't think they were being technically unreasonable I think they should have shown better care. Not as a manager, just as a decent person. We should look after each other right? I don't think that was the decent thing to do IMO.