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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
CocktailQueen · 15/12/2016 17:59

YABU. He's not your partner; he's your boss. Would you have expected a female boss to act differently?

I assume you knew where your hotel was? In that case, no drama. Your boss could have given you the first cab (was there another right behind it?), but that's about it.

lilyb84 · 15/12/2016 18:00

Oh I misread too and thought he put you in a taxi! Yeah, he could have been a bit more understanding as your manager to at least check you knew where you were going but my above comments stand Smile

AmeliaJack · 15/12/2016 18:02

I've just re read and seen that you didn't know where you were going?

Why on earth not?

blueskyinmarch · 15/12/2016 18:04

I think your pregnancy hormones are making you more sensitive than normal. Yes he could have given you the first taxi but i don’t think there was anything wrong with him going off for drinks and you going back to the hotel alone. As long as you know what the hotel is called and the rough area a taxi driver will get you there. Wold you really have wanted him to come with you to make sure you got there?

Astley · 15/12/2016 18:04

Wouldn't most grown adults be a bit put out if their boss gave the impression they needed escorting back to their hotel like a child?

If you can't manage a taxi to a hotel you can't manage adult life. Sorry.

Lokisglowstickofdestiny · 15/12/2016 18:04

Think you are being a bit sensitive and probably tired at that point, but you are an adult so should have been able to get yourself back to your hotel. I don't read that he put you in a taxi but they are easy to get in London and the cabbie will know where your hotel was.

sarahnova69 · 15/12/2016 18:05

I would have been driven utterly bonkers by the sort of cosseting you seem to want. I still had full hold of my sanity and planning ability while pregnant, and I travelled around the country while that pregnant for work.

If you're not up to travelling for work any more, you should tell them so, but if you are travelling, make sure you have all the information you need to look after yourself.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/12/2016 18:05

Eh? Ignorance of what? What does he not know that he should?

Original poster
melmel89 · 15/12/2016 18:06

Everyone saying I knew where I was going - I stated I didn't in my initial thread. And it took three taxis before a taxi driver knew where I was staying. I didn't expect my hand holding but some assistance/duty of care exists when you are a manager I believe. I have other health issues which my manager is aware of so I didn't expect such when I'd worked an event I wasn't necessarily due to be doing

OP posts:
AndNowItsSeven · 15/12/2016 18:06

He didn't see her in a cab he got in his own.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/12/2016 18:07

Sorry but yes YABU.

Astley · 15/12/2016 18:08

How would you not know where you were staying?

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/12/2016 18:09

It would have been nice but if you are old enough to have a job you are old enough to work out where you're going and how to get there.

You have two brains now, not half. Woman up a bit

Putthatonyourneedles · 15/12/2016 18:10

It's a little bit rude of him but there are plenty of maps,buses,taxis and trains in London so I'm sure you're able to use them to get back to your hotel.

I hope you are just being blinded by the hormones and once you have had the baby some degree of normality will ensure.

sarahnova69 · 15/12/2016 18:10

Everyone saying I knew where I was going - I stated I didn't in my initial thread.

Well, the point is kind of that you should have done. You could have Googled the hotel if you had a smartphone, or called directory enquiries, or done what you did and asked a few cabbies. Job done.

If your existing health issues mean that you require physical assistance from your manager to get around on a regular basis than yes he failed in his duty of care. But other than that all he did was assume you were a competent adult who knew or could find out the address of your hotel. And evidently there were plenty of taxis around.

bloodyteenagers · 15/12/2016 18:11

How comes after a few days in the same
Place you didn't know where you were staying? Surely you would have been paying attention as you left and re-entered the place every day..

yorkshapudding · 15/12/2016 18:11

I don't really see the problem. What do you think he should have done? Were you thinking he would just not go out so that he could escort you back to the hotel? I think that's probably expecting a bit too much to be honest. As long as you knew the name of your hotel (which is your responsibility to find out, surely?) then you could just jump in a taxi.

It would have been good manners for him to let you have the first taxi but that doesn't seem to be what has upset you. I don't think being pregnant means you should expect your manager to chaperone you at all times on a business trip and many women would find it extremely patronising if he tried to do so.

icy121 · 15/12/2016 18:11

Oh don't be pathetic and use "being pregnant" as a reason for being a wimp (seriously? London, home of the black cab, first place in UK to get uber etc...)

Being pregnant is not an excuse to opt out of being an adult. Or maybe you want special treatment and everyone to fawn and treat you like a princess? In which case you need to get over that as well.

Frankly if you're not up to doing your job because of your late stage of pregnancy then you should go on maternity leave. Your employer isn't your partner, they pay you for a service you provide. Sounds like you can't really provide it now (complaining about travel & standing, I hope you weren't doing that out loud to your boss) - - which is why maternity leave exists! Use it.

Arfarfanarf · 15/12/2016 18:11

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Seryph · 15/12/2016 18:12

I take it you have an internet capable phone and so could have used google to find the hotel. If not then you should be carrying a map with your hotel marked on (like we used to in the olden days/still do if you are sensible in an unfamiliar city).

Now you know for the future to write down your hotel's name and address before you leave it.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2016 18:14

I'm sorry but you sound ridiculously precious! You don't stop being a fully functioning adult because you are pregnant fgs!

Did you honestly expect him to escort you back to the hotel?!Confused

I say this as someone who is 40 weeks pregnant and- shock horror- still driving herself about and not needing anyone to take me anywhere because, you know, I'm still capable of adulting Hmm

bloodyteenagers · 15/12/2016 18:14

So London black drivers who have to go through extensive training to be able to become black drivers, didn't know the road the hotel was on.. okay one maybe but three?
No phone to have a quick google to get basic directions?

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2016 18:15

OP, how is it someone else's responsibility to make sure you know where the hotel is?

And how did it take 3 taxis before a driver knew where you were staying? Confused

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 15/12/2016 18:16

He should have given you the taxi. He could get the next one.

He sounds a selfish tw@t.

TBH I just think it's very discourteous to leave someone standing alone (pregnant or not). When I've been in situations similar to this there is no way anyone would be left alone - if (say) three are going one way, and the fourth another, we would all wait together until bus/taxi/partner/whatever came along to collect the odd one. It's safer. it's friendlier, and it makes a lot less lonely for the singleton.

It's not a matter of cosseting - you are in a strange place, tired and pregnant and feeling vulnerable. It would have been kind.

I hope he gets his pocket picked. Grin

BabooshkaKate · 15/12/2016 18:17

I have other health issues which my manager is aware of

Bit of a drip feed there OP Xmas Hmm

Giving you the benefit of the doubt, I think you are just being sensitive because of the pregnancy hormones. And perhaps not used to travelling or being in London? Your boss probably thought you were desperate to get away BECAUSE you were pregnant and had been on your feet for hours.

So:

  1. You didn't know the name of the hotel, so you should have asked your boss or checked your email.
  1. If he zoomed off before you could ask, you should have called him or someone who would know, but I too am surprised that you didn't have this information to hand. I don't mean this unkindly, but have always been this disorganised or do you think you've just got a bit of baby brain?
  1. Whilst he could have been a bit polite and allowed you to get into the first cab, in London cabs are literally everywhere. I bet there were at least 4 in your field of vision.

Go have some water, take a nice bath and relax in your lovely hotel and get some sleep.