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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
ShadowMane · 15/12/2016 18:18

I'd have put you in a taxi and made sure the taxi driver knew where he was taking you and asked you to text me. When you'd arrived at the hotel

What?? If someone tried to do this for me I think I would just laugh - seriously.

If you're old enough to have a baby then I think you should be old enough to get a taxi to a hotel by yourself (based on the op, before you let us know about your other issues)

tb · 15/12/2016 18:18

At 32 weeks I was sent to a company at Hanger Lane from the NW to work there for 2 weeks.

Sometimes employers are like that. I was a little worried as I was born at 32 weeks - DD turned up on her due date.

CremeBrulee · 15/12/2016 18:19

Not seeing the issue either. Surely you knew the name & rough address of your hotel? If not, why not? As long as you had sufficient money on you for a cab, what's the problem?

Personally I would have been mortally offended if my co-workers thought I needed help to get myself back from restaurant to hotel.

JenLindleyShitMom · 15/12/2016 18:19

You have other health issues that require you having another adult with you at all times? If that is the case then you need to hire a carer. Your manager is not that.

GogoGobo · 15/12/2016 18:20

You sound unrealistic OP about what your colleagues/boss should go for you because you are pregnant.

TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 15/12/2016 18:21

YABU.

It's your responsibility to know where you are going so that you can look after yourself like an adult. Why should a grown woman require a manager to escort her to places like a child?

Do managers have a duty of care like that? My line managers have always made sure that I have what I need to do my job and can do so safely, etc etc, but none of them has ever checked that I can get home once I've finished work. I think they (rightly) assume that that's my responsibility.

The pregnancy is a bit of a red herring, tbh - pregnant women do all sorts of things every single day that are quite a bit more challenging than getting a taxi to a hotel.

Mrscog · 15/12/2016 18:21

I think the pregnancy is a distraction. It was a bit rude of him not to check a bit more thoroughly that you knew how to get back but that's all.

To be honest you sound poorly prepared for the trip - surely you'd looked up hotel name, street, nearest tube and popped it in your work calendar? If one of my team didn't do that I'd consider it a minor performance issue worthy of discussion.

BarbarianMum · 15/12/2016 18:21

I would expect my colleagues to be able to sort themselves out in a similar circumstance. It would have been a bit patronising for him to have assumed otherwise tbh.

SnatchedPencil · 15/12/2016 18:21

Yes you're being unreasonable. It's understandable because you are pregnant and no doubt your head is all over the place, but you are unreasonable nevertheless.

You did know where you were going. Pregnant women walk around and get taxis and trains and buses in London on a daily basis. It's nothing weird.

Your manager was being professional and sensible. Knowing you are pregnant, knowing you want to go back to the hotel, he allowed you to do what you wished instead of expecting you to trail around behind him watching him get pissed.

Perhaps it was a little brusque but his social life doesn't revolve around you, especially when he was only allowing you to go back to the hotel, the very thing you wanted to do.

expatinscotland · 15/12/2016 18:22

He's your boss, not your babysitter. You're pregnant, not a child. YABU. What was he supposed to do, give you a personal escort and sit with you?If I'm in London, I certainly wouldn't miss an opportunity to go out on the lash.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 15/12/2016 18:22

It would have been polite for him to have put you in the taxi first.

However I can't work out how you didn't know where you were staying.

Hellmouth · 15/12/2016 18:23

You're a grown woman, you should have known where you were going and have the means or the know how to get there. Being pregnant isn't an excuse for being precious.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 15/12/2016 18:23

Alright the piling on is a bit much now.

Fwiw it was a shitty, impolite thing he did and ywnbu to think it was shitty and impolite.

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 18:23

OP, honestly, obviously sympathies if you're feeling exhausted, but it does sound as if the pregnancy is irrelevant. How on earth did you not know the name and location of your own hotel on a work trip to London?

RaspberryBeret1999 · 15/12/2016 18:23

YANBU. No matter if it's a work colleague, friend or relative, who was 32 weeks pregnant and did not want to continue to party, the nice thing to do is to give you the first taxi.

I'd hate to be on a night out with some of you lot, FFS. You're honestly telling me you would jump in a taxi to continue drinking, and leave a pregnant lady standing? Nice.

iamadaftcoo · 15/12/2016 18:24

Yabu.

I was navigating waddlingmy way round London on my own 2 days after my due date.

You get in a black cab, you give them the address you're staying at, simple. How would you not know the address Confused

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 18:24

And yes, it would have been politer for your manager to hail a cab for you before getting into his - he doesn't sound wildly courteous - but I don't think it was unreasonable of him to assume you knew the name and location of your own hotel.

cornflowerblu · 15/12/2016 18:25

I think YABU, you're an adult pregnant or not. You knew the name of your hotel, well surely you did, if you not then you should have. Do you require someone to escort you to work every day? If not then why on earth should your manager have done anything else at all. If you're well enough to be away for work at 32 weeks you're certainly well enough to get yourself into a cab and back to a hotel. Pregnant women do travel around london. My last day of work at 37 weeks was a 3 hour drive away to run a training session on my own. Wasn't thrilled about it but wouldn't have been thrilled with a 3 hour drive even if I wasn't pregnant and certainly wouldn't have cried off due to having a baby or have expected any special treatment.

arethereanyleftatall · 15/12/2016 18:25

Sorry op, but I would expect an adult to know the hotel they were staying at, to have a phone to find directions, and to be able to hail a cab. If they didn't have those resources, I would have expected them to say so. Being 32 weeks pregnant doesnt change anything, millions of women are pregnant all the time and just carry on. However, simply out of courtesy, he should have given you the first cab.

golfbuggy · 15/12/2016 18:25

When I was pregnant I had to go and work in places I'd never been before on my own. Somehow I survived Hmm

TheHiphopopotamus · 15/12/2016 18:25

If I'm in London, I certainly wouldn't miss an opportunity to go out on the lash

Same. And if I was pregnant, I wouldn't expect anyone else to give up the opportunity either.

I (assume) you're an adult, you need to start acting like one.

WhisperingLoudly · 15/12/2016 18:25

It would have been polite for him to offer you the taxi, did he have someone to meet/a reservation?

Other than that I'm afraid you're being ridiculous.

WorraLiberty · 15/12/2016 18:27

You say you went 'on' a meal afterwards, which makes me think there were other people there too?

If that's the case, why are you blaming your manager and no-one else?

Not that he or anyone else is to blame, but I'm just curious.

Hardshoulder · 15/12/2016 18:27

You're honestly telling me you would jump in a taxi to continue drinking, and leave a pregnant lady standing? Nice

Honestly, some of us were commuting internationally between London and another country until the 36 week cut-off date for flying, getting of the flight and getting the tube across London home, along with thousands of other pregnant Londoners! I appreciate that the OP is presumably not from London and doesn't know her way about, but cabs, tubes and buses are frequent, and I still find it incredible anyone doesn't know where they're staying.

JigglyTuff · 15/12/2016 18:27

Why didn't you know where you were staying? Although he should have given you the first taxi - that's really rude.