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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
Quintessing · 15/12/2016 18:27

32 weeks, so like, 10 weeks to go?

Is it your first?

expatinscotland · 15/12/2016 18:29

'I'd hate to be on a night out with some of you lot, FFS. You're honestly telling me you would jump in a taxi to continue drinking, and leave a pregnant lady standing? Nice.'

Yep, it's London. There are many modes of transport available. I'd assume that, being an adult, she's capable of accessing them. I see London as a treat, I'd definitely have left the restaurant and found the nearest taxi rank to carry on partying rather than babysit. Wahey! Party time!

maddiemookins16mum · 15/12/2016 18:29

Actually, I think he was rude (at first I thought he'd put you in the taxi). I would be very unimpressed if my manager (or anyone really) did that and the same would apply if pregnant or not. Whatever happened to manners and just general courtesy to others.

Scrowy · 15/12/2016 18:30

I'm going to stick up for the OP a bit here. Have none of you ever been 32 weeks pregnant feeling a bit knackered and fed up and just needing a little bit of understanding?

I'm currently 33 weeks pregnant having had a very easy pregnancy and I would still have been a bit miffed if my boss did this, mainly because everything just else huge at the moment (physically and emotionally Grin) although I am a fully functioning perfectly capable adult it doesn't mean that people can't just be nice for the sake of it in particular circumstances such as not just abandoning a fairly heavily pregnant colleague somewhere they are unfamiliar with!

Creampastry · 15/12/2016 18:30

You're a bit precious.....

sarahnova69 · 15/12/2016 18:32

It would have been polite for him to offer you the taxi

It sounds a bit like they were standing in front of a taxi rank, as is not uncommon in central London, since the OP was quickly able to ask 3 cabbies if they knew the hotel. In which case there really is no 'first' cab, you can both just get straight in one. If he flagged one down in the street and left her there, I agree that was a bit rude.

And sorry, I have no wish to be cruel, but expecting special treatment in this scenario because you are pregnant and not knowing where you are staying is pretty, well, wet.

PigletWasPoohsFriend · 15/12/2016 18:32

And it took three taxis before a taxi driver knew where I was staying

Sorry but I don't understand.

Why would a taxi driver know where you are staying?

expatinscotland · 15/12/2016 18:33

'Have none of you ever been 32 weeks pregnant feeling a bit knackered and fed up and just needing a little bit of understanding? '

Yes, 3 times. I just never expected other adults work colleagues to mollycoddle me. She wasn't abandoned on a desert island.

JellyFishFingers · 15/12/2016 18:33

You are an adult. You are pregnant and choosing to still work. If you haven't gone on maternity leave they need to be able expect you to be fit and well and capable. You sound a little over sensitive which is totally understandable but YABU.

LaPampa · 15/12/2016 18:33

I think it would have been more polite if your boss as a fellow human had suggested you took the first taxi but I don't think they owe you anything (pregnant or not) if you are an adult on a work trip. I do find it strange you didn't know where you were staying and I don't think it is unreasonable of him to presume that you would be OK. (What time of night was it, and where was the restaurant?) at 32 weeks pregnant I was still going on trips and commuting daily and going to evening events and I don't think anyone would have checked I was ok to get home.

YoHoHoandabottleofTequila · 15/12/2016 18:33

Bit equally the OP needs to take some responsibility in knowing where she's staying.

QueenMortificado · 15/12/2016 18:34

How did you not know where you were staying? How come you didn't have an address?

RayofFuckingSunshine · 15/12/2016 18:36

You're saying your manager has a duty of care and that you shouldn't have been left, you didn't know where you were going etc.

As an adult, you have a duty of care to yourself. You should have made sure you knew the address of where you were staying to give to a taxi driver. Personal responsibility exists even when you are out with management.

FrancisCrawford · 15/12/2016 18:36

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 15/12/2016 18:37

Have none of you ever been 32 weeks pregnant feeling a bit knackered and fed up and just needing a little bit of understanding?

Yep, 3 times. Still would never have expected this, it's mind boggling to me that anyone would!

BadKnee · 15/12/2016 18:40

Now you are being ridiculous. You are an adult at work! Your boss does not have to see you home!

You don't leave anyone in a strange unfamiliar place The world of work couldn't function if that were the case.

I travelled all over the world working on my own.

Delegates at conferences, supply teachers, agency nurses, sales people at trade fairs, buyers visiting new suppliers, social workers on home visits, - so many people have to go to unfamiliar places and stay in unfamiliar hotels when they get there! (And I did it when I was pregnant until I couldn't fly). So YABU

WannaBe · 15/12/2016 18:40

I think TBH that he couldn't win whatever he did.

Being pregnant isn't an illness, however I know people who would have felt patronised if a man had insisted they go in a taxi first because they were A, pregnant and B, a woman.

There are feminists on MN who believe it's offensive and misogynistic just to open a door for a woman. And then there are apparently pregnant women who feel being pregnant should make them priority for something....

FWIW I am totally blind and regularly navigate my way around unknown parts of London with only a guide dog and a sat nav app, and in some cases even late at night. although I'm not pregnant, so does that not count? Wink.

dingdongthewitchishere · 15/12/2016 18:40

I don't understand how a grow-up doesn't even know the name and address of her hotel.

I would have left the pregnant woman take the first cab, but if you are in the middle of London, there is no shortage of taxis. He sounds a bit rude, and you unreasonable. You are aware that you will be the one responsible for your child for years to come? You are the grow up now.

I hope you feel better if you are nicely laying down on your hotel bed.

AnyFucker · 15/12/2016 18:40

I'd have let you have the first taxi.

YesThisIsMe · 15/12/2016 18:40

There there OP. As a manager I personally would have said "oh of course you're knackered after a long day, enjoy your rest", flagged a taxi down for you, opened the door for you, waved you off and then got one for myself. It's a nice thing to do to give heavily pregnant women a bit of extra consideration. I must admit it wouldn't have occurred to check whether you and the cabbie could work out the direction between you so you'd still have been a bit screwed.

VoodooPeople · 15/12/2016 18:41

He was rude not to let you have the first taxi.

You were foolish not to know where you were staying.

Arfarfanarf · 15/12/2016 18:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MudCity · 15/12/2016 18:42

As a previous poster said, if you are old enough to work then you are old enough to be able to find your own way. I think you feeling tired probably made you more sensitive but, seriously, he is a colleague / manager, not your partner and is not responsible for getting you back to a hotel safe and sound. Are you used to people looking after you? Sorry OP, you sound a bit precious.

Haffdonga · 15/12/2016 18:44

Does being pregnant in London mean you need extra special help? Would you expect the same hand-holding to get home if you were in Brighton or Wolverhampton or Carlisle? Would you expect the same help if you weren't pregnant, on your period or had a headache?

Agree that you are being a bit delicate.

stopfuckingshoutingatme · 15/12/2016 18:45

You lot are way harsh ! People feel naturally vulnerable when pregnant and he totally should have made sure she was Ok to get home first - basic human courtesy

You were all clearly doing Ninja warrior when 32 weeks !