AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

[melmel89]

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

I would expect any decent human being to check that someone knew how to get home if they didn't know the area.
Fuck, this thread is harsh.

I worked at one stage with a company that had branches all over the country. We used to have the Christmas do in the city where head office was. That meant there were around 400 people staying in the city who didn't know the area. It would have been absurd to expect the Managing Director to go round checking that each of those 400 people knew how to get back to their respective hotels; it would have been equally absurd to expect people like department heads to do so, given that they didn't know the area any better than the rest of us.

I wouldn't be bothered by someone who couldn't remember where their hotel was because, say, they'd forgotten the name of the road - but I would be distinctly bothered if they didn't have the sense to ask me or someone else and then decided that I was "ignorant" for not guessing that they might have forgotten.

Our project's Christmas party was on Friday. I went home on the last bus and the three managers went off with a good number of people to a night club. I saw one of them today but I don't think she ushered anyone into a taxi at the end of the evening.
I still can't quite understand how the OP didn't know where her hotel was.

Oh my god nobody told me that pregnant women aren't allowed to use google maps - I've been doing this wrong for 8 months now....!

YABU and acting like a child your only pregnant not the queen am sure you can navigate your way around London without needing your boss to babysit you and hold your hand. Grow up and get a grip.

I agree Ferris. Its just basic manners and decency to make sure someone is safe and knows where they're going.

I really don't understand all this.
Grow up
Get a grip.
How old are you.
You're not the queen. Why has Lizzie Bibbin been brought into it. .

I just do not understand how a grow adult (make, female, pregnant or not) would expect another grown adult to do their thinking for them! Sorry but no, why should a manager need to get you home?

I presume you are mature enough to do your job, so do it, then get yourself back to where ever you want to be.

As stated previously, I would be insulted by the insinuation i needed chaperoning.

Again, it's common decency to not leave someone alone without asking how they are getting home.
Not because it's her manager, not responsible for that reason.
On a night out do you just say goodbye to your friends and go separate ways? No, you figure out who's going where and who could go the same way together. Tube, bus, taxi?
I'm not saying the manager knew where her hotel was, or should have asked the 400 other employees if they knew how to get home. They are stupid examples.
But in this instance, he should have asked, again not because she's pregnant, but because it's the nice thing to do.
He could have even been going past her hotel.

Oh sorry Francis- I must have missed all that.
Er no I didn't, cos the OP didn't say any of that.
You're actually making stuff up now- assuming he knew where she was going/she didn't have name of hotel?

And arguing about home/hotel
I get the impression you'd argue with anyone just for the hell of it.

It's really not that hard to ask if someone is ok to get home (oh sorry, hotel) by themselves. It's hardly infantilising???

Ferris actually the OP has said precisely that and yes it IS infantilising. If you'd read it properly the OP didn't want her manager to check she knew where the hotel was, she expected to be escorted back like some Victorian virgin with a chaperone.

Where exactly?
I can see 2 posts from the OP and I'm not reading that anywhere

So if the manager had said to her
Can I drop you somewhere?
You're ok getting back yo your hotel?
Do you know where you are going?
How are you getting home?

Any of that would be treating her like a child?
I don't know what world you live in.
But after a business event, night out, meal any of my colleagues/managers would ask those questions.

So if the manager had said to her
Can I drop you somewhere?
You're ok getting back yo your hotel?
Do you know where you are going?
How are you getting home?

Any of that would be treating her like a child?

Err, given that they were standing in front of a row of taxis, had presumably left the same hotel together that morning, and he had just confirmed that she wasn't coming out for a drink, yes, pretty much - it would have been downright bizarre for him to assume that she wasn't capable of opening a taxi door, seating herself, closing it behind her, and saying "Hotel X, on Y Street, please".

OP hasn't been back. She's obviously still driving round London in a taxi, looking for a manager to operate Google maps and her common sense for her - as we all know, basic life skills to completely to pot as soon as you conceive.

You're assuming a lot there OP didn't say any of that

You're assuming a lot there OP didn't say any of that

She said that the manager had just confirmed that she wasn't coming out for a drink, and that she was quickly able to ask 3 taxis if they knew her hotel, so either she was standing in front of a rank or she was stood out there for about an hour, which I imagine she would have mentioned in her OP. (Especially after being told she was being U, after which it was suddenly about her unspecified disabilities and not her pregnancy.) They may not have walked out of the hotel that morning, but it really doesn't matter - if she was only just checking in she still should've known its name and address, not relied on her manager handholding her there like a tiny child.

They were at a taxi rank so asking how she was getting back is a stupid question. Most adults would know what hotel they're staying in- I would assume anyone I was away with work to know just like I would. I can 100% see why it wouldn't cross the manager's mind to think that a person who is clearly competent enough to hold down a job isn't able to get themselves back.

Oh I must have missed the words taxi rank

And where does she say she didn't know the name of the hotel? She doesn't specifically say that, she says she didn't know where she was going.

She also didn't say she quickly asked 3 taxis ?

I guess it's all in the way you read it.
I read it like the manager quickly got in a cab and disappeared- leaving her alone and not knowing where she was.

If it was a taxi rank I would expect him to have let her get the first taxi, so again, he would be the inconsiderate one. With my work/friends it would be polite for the woman alone to be seen into a taxi.

There could be reasons she didn't know where the hotel was, or where she was. Sounds to me like she was possibly filling in and definitely like she doesn't really know London

For me this is just yet another example of AIBU piling in on someone who feels a bit vulnerable and probably making her feel worse.

I read it like the manager quickly got in a cab and disappeared- leaving her alone and not knowing where she was.

It is in the way you read it. But frankly, I don't think there's ever any excuse for someone adult enough to reproduce and travel for work not to know where she is (at least the address, and the address of her hotel - no-one expects her to have London memorised). And the OP's post does come off like she expected the manager to babysit her back to the hotel specifically because she was pregnant. And then she suddenly comes down with disabilities which are the real reason her manager should have been more considerate when told she is being U, despite ascribing his "ignorance" very clearly to her pregnancy in her first post.

And I'm not going to apologise for saying she was being U. Yes, people can feel more vulnerable when they are pregnant, but they're not excused from being told that they're out of line. Nobody's quibbling with her right to her feelings but her right to expect that her manager "takes care of her" unprompted because of her pregnancy. Pregnant women can be unreasonable and overly precious just like everybody else, and I genuinely think that expecting to be cosseted hurts all women in the workplace. And I would have hated it with burning fire if my manager had been foolish enough to try it. They did a risk assessment, they listened if I raised an issue, their work was done.

i have never worked anywhere where management wouldn't put members of their team in taxis first after a night out. especially women.

What if the manager is a women? Do you pull straws?

What if the manager is a PREGNANT woman, Piglet?