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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU or does a manager leaving a 32 week pregnant woman on her own in London smack of ignorance?!

448 replies

melmel89 · 15/12/2016 17:48

So I'm 32 weeks pregnant and had to work an event in London this week-hours of standing and also tracking across London travelling. We went on a meal afterwards and obviously being tired I wanted to go back to the hotel afterwards. My manager got in a taxi and said "you know where you're going then" and shut the door....I nearly burst into tears. Firstly I didn't and secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?? Am I being unreasonable?

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 15/12/2016 19:03

I think he was rude and a bit of a dick,but it has nothing to do with you being pregnant.

Bluntness100 · 15/12/2016 19:03

secondly why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking??

shinynewusername · 15/12/2016 19:03

why should I be left like that because he wants to go drinking?

Well I'd have put any employee in the taxi ahead of me, especially a pregnant one - it's only polite as the boss. But I would also expect any employee to know where they were staying and to be able to make their way there without an escort.

Musicaltheatremum · 15/12/2016 19:04

London is so easy to navigate. My daughter has been navigating it alone since she was 18. You just use your phone. I really can't understand people who need such intricate directions. If you have a post code you will be fine. That said the way your boss left you was a bit bad and I know you must be tired.

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 15/12/2016 19:05

How did you EVER get to the hotel if you did not know where it was??

...you obviously must have known the name and location, even if you were not certain of the way to location, so for that nonsense alone YABU.

but i am sure there could be a massive drip due any moment now, about taking all evening to get the hotel details out of the manager through their drunken ramblings.

roundaboutthetown · 15/12/2016 19:05

It is a bit odd you didn't know the name and address of the hotel you were staying in, OP. I would never leave a hotel I was staying in without making sure I knew how to get back to it!! However, I do think it was stunningly rude of your boss to sort himself a taxi and leave you standing there. I think if I had a 32-week pregnant work colleague who had been on her feet all day and said she was tired and wanted to go back to the hotel, I would at least have waited with her until she got in a taxi safely, especially if she didn't feel confident making her way round London late at night. Clearly getting pissed was of greater interest to him and he couldn't spare a few minutes to be considerate. However, if you thought he should go all the way back to the hotel with you, then I think YWBU.

AmeliaJack · 15/12/2016 19:07

I'm not at finding my way round London so when I go for work I use a transport London app and work out the route from airport to location and location to hotel.

I also carry a printed map and printed directions to my work/hotel.

This is a bit overkill I admit but it means I don't worry about not being able to find my way.

I'm sorry you are feeling a bit delicate OP but it's really not your manager's duty of care to get you back to your hotel unless you were ill and needed escorted.

whensitmyturn · 15/12/2016 19:07

Yanbu to feel upset, I'd like to think that most people I know would offer to share a cab to drop you off first or put you in the first one.
It was rude of him.

The amount of people piling in and saying you are being unreasonable is one of those weird things about Mumsnet where people get angry/condescending about pregnant women.

I one hundred percent think if you hadn't mentioned you were pregnant you'd have got more sympathy!

FlappysMammyAndPopeInExile · 15/12/2016 19:07

Do managers have a duty of care like that?

I think we all have a duty of care to each other. OP is pregnant, tired, in a strange city and unsure of herself.

I think her manager is ill-mannered and thoughtless - and I wonder how he would have felt if someone had left his pregnant wife like this?

Hellothereitsme · 15/12/2016 19:09

We don't know how old the OPs manager is or how senior. I'm not sure if some young people will even give it a thought that OP needed help or even the first taxi. In London taxis always come in pairs or more. I think the OP is expecting too much from her work colleagues. The job had finished it was time to party, they are not your friends.

AyeAmarok · 15/12/2016 19:09

You are being a bit pathetic and dramatic. It must be the pregnancy hormones, so I'll give you the benefit of the doubt.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/12/2016 19:16

Hmm at the not pregnant thing. The exact same thing happened to me (in Milan not London) eg the boss wanting go on from dinner and causally saying to me "see you in the morning" (for context I was 37 he in his 50s) I wasn't remotely phased or upset that he had gone off partying. Why would I be ?

saoirse31 · 15/12/2016 19:16

Mgr was rude not to get u into taxi first, but u r v unreasonable not to know where ur staying. Also u r unreasonable to expect work colleagues to be 'minding ' you.

Hersetta427 · 15/12/2016 19:17

Sorry but you are an adult and yes you are pregnant but that doesn't make you incapable of getting a taxi yourself. Try doing a 90 min each way London commute till 39 weeks and not getting a seat on the tube every day like I did.

Andylion · 15/12/2016 19:18

OP, how did you figure out where to go?

BunloafAndCrumpets · 15/12/2016 19:22

I would never have understood this before but having recently been pregnant I sympathise OP. It makes you feel very vulnerable sometimes. I think this feeling of heightened vulnerability might be an evolutionary survival advantage. Nevertheless it's unpleasant. Your manager may not have been unreasonable but he was very uncaring. I hope you're safe and rested now.

Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 19:23

How can an adult doing a job not know where they are staying? People travel for work all the time. At 19 I didn't expect my manager to direct me, I took the address and a map!

I'd give the first cab to a tired colleague wanting to get some rest if I was going for a drink, yes. But I can't get past not having the address of where you staying.

Ilovetorrentialrain · 15/12/2016 19:24

I'm sorry OP but why didn't you know where you were going? That's definitely for you to be aware of.

i know this sound harsh but he's not your guardian, but a colleague and fellow adult who probably (rightly IMO) wouldn't have for one moment seen a problem.

I hope you're ok though.

PrivatePike · 15/12/2016 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Miserylovescompany2 · 15/12/2016 19:27

Sounds like long day OP, I know at 32 weeks I was swelling up like a balloon, so any amount of walking/standing was uncomfortable to say the least. Then add into the mix hormones, it doesn't make a happy balance. So I'm guessing up kept it together on the outside, however, inside you were feeling incredible fragile.

...so with a culmination of the above, you felt extremely emotional when your boss jumped straight into the first available taxi. That was to be fair not gentlemanly of him to say the least.

I hope you've managed to find yourself some calm. A nice relaxing bath and an early night.

Lorelei76 · 15/12/2016 19:27

When "I one hundred percent think if you hadn't mentioned you were pregnant you'd have got more sympathy"

No she'd have got less.
I also think from the op that she's already spent the night there, it says "this week", not that she went to London to help in an emergency and got no hotel info. Forget the pregnant bit and it sounds bonkers.

Northernlurker · 15/12/2016 19:30

It's not your managers fault that your pregnancy has apparently left you unable to function as an adult.

ghostspirit · 15/12/2016 19:34

nice to see there is so much empathy and understanding.

i hope your ok op. in my first pregnancy i felt like i could keep going for ever i had all the energy in the world i did not even feel pregnant. in my last pregnancy i could barely walk and i was in so much pain. and extremely tired. i hope today was a one of but if you really are finding it hard maybe have a talk with the manger

APlaceOnTheCouch · 15/12/2016 19:36

If you're at work then I'd expect you to be capable of negotiating across London and finding your own hotel.

Stillwishihadabs · 15/12/2016 19:37

Tbh ghost it's attitudes like those in the OP which hold women back.

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